One thought for all of us on here … and please don’t take offence, it’s just the way my mind is taking me this morning. My way if coping today.
I know we need this site, for many it’s our only link with the outside world and we can say what we really think without fear of judgement, but I sometimes wonder just how healthy it really is.
I worry that, for all the good it does to let out our feelings on here, being surrounded by such raw emotions risks dragging us down further.
Misery, I believe the saying goes, is contagious.
Confirmation bias - I expect things to be awful, find everyone on here feels the same way, ( obviously, we’d not be here if we didn’t) so I believe that’s the way it will always be. Is that what I’m thinking ?
Sorry, I’m rambling this morning, just trying to clear my head.
There’s no way out of here that I can see, or even want right now. I simply wouldn’t feel right. I fear sometimes that I need to be miserable to maintain contact with my wife, that not feeling this way is a betrayal of her somehow.
Nonsensense, I know.
How many times have I said, ‘Jill, I’m never not thinking of you’? That’s never going to change. I just hope that one day the balance will shift and I’ll be able to take comfort from the good memories of our time together not just the agony of her loss.
The grieving process in a nutshell.
As I’ve said, we are here because circumstance has forced us here. The club nobody wants to join, right? We’re also here because we genuinely, often desperately, need to be here; often don’t have any other support ( I know I won’t) but wouldn’t it be nice to know that there is a way out, that it doesn’t always have to be this way?
It’s so refreshing being on here and sadly knowing I’m not going crazy. I worry I’m gonna forget my daughter who died a year ago. The first few weeks and months all I could do was cry. I wasn’t taking my blood pressure tablets or looking after myself. What’s the point. Everyone else was going bk to normal and I felt stuck. Every day I was crying and then I was sad at being so sad. Is this the new norm. I miss my daughter soo much but thru counselling I realised that if she saw I wasn’t taking care of myself she would be telling me off. I think of her now as just sitting like an angel on my shoulder. She is always with me. I worry that I’m going to forget her or not think of her everyday and then I feel bad. I realise we feel guilty about a lot of things guilty I’m not with her or that I smiled at something. Guilty about not being there even though I was. People say it gets easier I’m not sure about that. I want to be reminded of her.
Allow urself to believe that there will times that are harder than others. Try not to put expectations or pressure on urself as everyday is different.
Your message is refreshing , however people need a place to grieve , and find understanding in other peoples experiences of being in " our club " Im a widow at 42 and to be fair i didnt want to pay a subscription to a website called Widowed young ! Ffs thats puts me in a club i dont wanna be in, i came here to find people who could give me a smile , cos people ive known for years have gone , and i wanted to connect with people any age , any loss , to understand what im going through ! But i do find some of the catogeries unhealthy ! I have what i call " rick " days where i just want him to jog on and leave me alone ! Get out of my head you bell end ! Lol , Comedy is a big thing to me and was to my husband and i often think that there should be more of that ! So i agree , but people deal with it in different ways !
Your message is refreshing , however people need a place to grieve , and find understanding in other peoples experiences of being in " our club " Im a widow at 42 and to be fair i didnt want to pay a subscription to a website called Widowed young ! Ffs thats puts me in a club i dont wanna be in, i came here to find people who could give me a smile , cos people ive known for years have gone , and i wanted to connect with people any age , any loss , to understand what im going through ! But i do find some of the catogeries unhealthy ! I have what i call " rick " days where i just want him to jog on and leave me alone ! Get out of my head you bell end ! Lol , Comedy is a big thing to me and was to my husband and i often think that there should be more of that ! So i agree , but people deal with it in different ways !
I think you misunderstood me
This group is amazing. We all have something in common in that we have lost or in the process of losing someone. I’m sorry if u thought otherwise.
Sometimes when u lose someone like I lost my daughter it’s hard and traumatic. At times I felt unable to cope and reaching out reminds me I’m not going crazy and that I’m not alone in it.
I don’t know about finding a way forward at the moment, I’ll settle for finding a way just to halt the backward slide I’ve found myself on over the last few weeks. I’m definitely on a fast spiral down.
I even changed my car yesterday but all I can think of now is how much Jill liked my old one. Tears are never far from the surface, I often struggle to hold them back now - where has my ability to do so gone?
Grief has its ups and downs. It’s a rollercoaster of emotions. U will always have her with u and u shared so many things it’s natural that thoughts of her come into ur thoughts especially at times or things u would have done together or shared. Suddenly it’s just ur opinion when it comes to buying things and feeling guilty bcos it’s not what they would have wanted. Done it many a time. It’s weird to start doing and thinking by urself as u are so used to sharing it with someone can be daunting.
Acknowledge that ur going through a rough dip and get help or talk to someone if u can. We r all here to help or listen no judgement.
It is not a need to feel miserable. We already feel miserable. It is a need to express how we are dealing with life while miserable. A need to make sure we are not going crazy and that we will get out of the fog one day.
There is a way out of grief, keep living and praying. Take each day hour by hour.
