Ten physical signs you’re stuck in grief.

Losing a partner
1

Persistently tired.
Grief is exhausting. It drains your mental and emotional energy causing you to feel as though you are constantly running on empty.

Lack of motivation.
Grief is so heavy that every small task feels overwhelming.

Insomnia or hypersomnia.
Some people going through grief can’t sleep at all due to racing thoughts. Others sleep nonstop as a way to escape the pain.

Nightmares.
Bad dreams and nightmares are very common in the grief process.

No appetite or overeating.
Some people going through grief will lose their appetite entirely, while others will turn to food for comfort.

Constant headaches.
Stress, tension and lack of sleep contribute to frequent headaches.

Nausea, vomiting, irritable bowels.
Serious digestive problems can result from intense stress that comes from grief.

Chest pain.
Grief can literally feel like a heart break.

Lowered immune system and increases sickness.
Long-term grief and the stress that comes from it can weaken the immune system making you vulnerable to increased sickness.

18 Likes
2

Oh @Alone1

That is all so true.

I’m a year on now and have all those symptoms

X x

3 Likes
3

Liro
Sorry for the loss of your husband, and that you are still suffering.
It’s been just over 4 years for me. I’m only having a few of these symptoms now (thank goodness). But time definitely doesn’t heal.
Take care x

6 Likes
4

Its been 3 months for me, everything you put down ive suffered or suffering from
I feel like ive hit rock bottom and nothing is going to make it any better anymore. I just want to give up.

10 Likes
5

Thankyou @Alone1

@Poppet1973
It’s very early days for you. You will carry on, because you have to
I won’t pretend it will be easy, but one day you will realise you are coping.

Sending big hugs to you both

X x

2 Likes
6

Thank you so much, i miss him everyday, after 22 years of being us, its now just me. I feel like half of me is missing, he had just turned 50 in june and ive been robbed of 30 or 40 more years with him.

5 Likes
7

I"m so sorry @Poppet1973

You are both so young. My heart goes out to you

We had 42 years together but its still so hard.

Like you we were told he had cancer and he died within 6 weeks

Such a cruel disease

X x

1 Like
8

We found out 22nd October, 3 days after our wedding anniversary, he went to the doctors on 28th to let the GP know, by this time he had trouble breathing and a rash on his thigh. The doctor sent him to day A andE for blood thinners, he never came home.13th November Leeds hospital rang him on the ward to tell him there was nothing they could do and he was too weak for chemo, 19th October he moved to a hospice where he passed 4 days later.
I had 4 weeks with him from the diagnosis. We didn’t even have a chance to say" look we tried everything", and then we could accept it.

6 Likes
9

Oh I’m so sorry

At least we had 6 weeks.

Like you we had no chance to try anything. All they said was Roger was not strong enough for any treatment

Believe me I do know how hard it was for you

Roger was in the Hospice for 5 days

X x

2 Likes
10

Its hard isn’t it when you dont get the chance to say goodbye properly, how are we supposed to get used to it in such a short time.
I keep asking myself why didn’t the hospital do something, why did they keep sending him home every time he had an appointment.

5 Likes
11

Alone, yes, I have experienced all of those signs and continue to suffer them even after 22 weeks into widowhood. I am relieved to read that some of these symptoms will go away.

Stress also releases cortisol which is an artery blocker.

Poppet. You will make it. You are in very early stages walking around in a fog, confused, scared, depressed, anxious, sad. It is normal. All you have to do is pay the bills, feed yourself nutritious food, feed kids/pets, and rest.

Get out a notebook, make a list of 5 things you must do each day. Do them, mark them off and you will have a visual reminder that you are, in fact, functioning. Use that notebook for phone numbers, reminders, whatever, so you won’t be searching through bits of scattered paper to find an important number or contact and you likely have very poor short term memory, so write it down in the one book.

Go to the salon and get your hair done. We don’t have to look how we feel.

It is miserable, but we keep going. Many of us purge our homes of excess stuff, some sell and downsize or move closer to family. We didn’t lose our other half, we lost our whole self. We are no longer the Mrs. to the Mr., our life as we knew it is over, we have to figure out who we are now and learn how to be alone. It isn’t easy and no one but a widow or a widower understands what is happening to us.

But, each day, step-by-step, we all figure it out. It is a roller coaster, one day is okay, the next is hell. It is a long journey, no lie there, but know that however you handle your grief is normal.

Warm hugs from New Orleans.

8 Likes
12

I know how you feel. Roger was sent home after 8 hours in A&E and told there was nothing wtong. 4 weeks later we were told probably cancer. 2 weeks later we were told it was teminal and they could do nothing. 6 weeks later he was gone

Its over a year now for me but I still havent processed it properly. It happened too quickly

But we will be ok. It’s a long journey but we will be ok. We have to for them, for us.

Big hugs x x

3 Likes
13

He was told on his second visit to the hospital that they thought it might be cancer and still did nothing, they didn’t say “we will do a biopsy just to be sure”. They just sent him home and said “wait for the appointment for the operation and if you don’t hear from us ring”.
We had to ring to see why he hadn’t got an appointment, by this time he was going backwards and forwards for 6 months, it took nearly 2 months to get the 1st appointment.
Day of the operation he was told they weren’t going to go ahead he thinks it might be cancer (this was the first time he actually saw the consultant that he was supposed to see the other times).
He waited another 7 hours for an MRI, finally he was told he would have to go to Leeds for an appointment and 22 October we found out. He waited 9 months to be told this.
When he got rushed in 2 consultant’s told him he should have had the operation in our hospital 6 weeks after his first appointment in April.
Maybe if they did they might of found out and he would of had a chance of chemo and might still be here.

Sorry for rambling

4 Likes
14

No youre not rambling
I thought mine was bad enough
Your treatment was dreadful, have you put in a complaint ?

X x

1 Like
15

@Poppet1973 your not rambling poppet your more than entitled to let it out no need to apologise to anyone with what your facing and been through it sounds horrendous my linda had bad issues with our hospital cancelled appointments and drs not contacting you as well as tests not being taken notice off when she had her gaul bladder out she turned up and sat for 3 hours to be told they cant do it now eventually got it done but started to improve thought great getting my linda back to then went back worse and went jaundice then they say oh there is a problem with the liver and kidney why wasn’t it detected before all the mri scans its just soul destroying being messed about linda was sent in to a&e said they waiting for you by her gp to be sat there 10 hrs before putting her on a normal ward not liver ward cos they said then they had no bed avail so not seen by specalists for nearly a week before starting treatment she starts to improve finally drs says 2 weeks might be home if carry on but no caught covid in there passed three days later she was out of it didnt get to see her beautiful eyes open again or say a proper goodbye just sat with her till the end holding her :sob: no ppi no masks nothing wouldn’t even put her on intensive care to help her saw so many diff drs i lost count nobody had a clue it seams oh i would complain poppet i have about my Linda’s treatment it really hurts poppet i feel for you and my thoughts are with you truly are so so sorry :broken_heart::cry:
Martin x

2 Likes
16

It seems to me too many people are suffering terrible treatment in the care of the very broken NHS

I’m so sorry for what you and your wife went through

X x

1 Like
17

Unfortunately there seems to be more and more of these stories of it happing to people. What’s going wrong? They told my partner it was acid stuck. Five times. Waited 3 months for tests then another 6 months to be seen . I’d made numerous calls and was basically told to stop pestering. Finally he was see. It was cancer a tumour. They didn’t want to operate. It was too late. All that time. If they d seen us at the beginning it could have been removed. He’d be here now. On his way home from snooker with the lads. We’d be having roast lamb. His favourite. I’m angry like only you people on here can understand. Xx

2 Likes
18

Yes, I put in a complaint with PALS in December, I heard from them last week saying that urology has responded and is now in the checking process, whatever that means.

I’m not holding much hope on them saying yes we made a mistake but no matter what happens its not going to bring my husband back to me.
Ive also got a solicitor who thinks that I have a case for medical negligence.

1 Like
19

When Mark was on the respiratory ward, (he was having trouble breathing). Urology consultant came up to visit him(they always made him angry by this time). The junior consultant turned around and said "sorry but its the NHS fault you were lost in the system, he was the one who told my husband that he thought it might be cancer and still didn’t do anything, he actually tried to deny it in front of his boss but Mark called him out and he then admitted it to his boss that yes he did say it and didn’t class mark as an urgent case or do a biopsy.

1 Like
20

@Poppet1973
Yes that’s the thing it’s happening more and more. But why? Do they think they are above us or can’t they really be bothered because they’re on so much money!! The stupid unessasary mistakes I’ve heard about are ridiculous. But something needs to be done. Someone to regulate it. Past few years it’s got worse. These are peoples lives and to me they are trying to playGod. It’s wrong so very wrong.x

2 Likes