Dear @Debsie1
I keep a journal too. Don’t write everyday day but often to tell him news he would be interested in , especially sport events, and my news and mostly my feelings. He was so wise and always calmed me if I got up set with people and situations.
And of course I tell him I love him every time I write
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Thank you… I’m just leaving for work now… Will hold that inside all day
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Yes I constantly think of what he saw and now what he doesn’t. Even the coat I brought, I thought my husband hasn’t seen it. Anything, any small thing. I think of what he would say about what I am doing. It’s because it’s still so raw, we are thinking of things through our lost ones eyes, we may always do so. He is so missed, the only person who totally understood me, who knew how I thought as I did him. The wonderful joining of souls, that is lost. There is no one that even remotely knows me now, I feel so very alone.
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Yes you are right she would have enjoyed all this as we always wanted grand children who knows maybe another soon all my love to you
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Thank you for your kind words we always wanted grand children who knows maybe another soon she will be watching 
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My partner of 35 years died 3 months ago and there are so many things I want to tell him about what’s happened since he died. So I know what you mean. One thing that’s has been bothering is that he died without us talking about it first. I know that sounds silly but we would never do anything without talking about it first. It feels strange that I know about something that he doesn’t. Take good care of yourself x
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@OnlyMe2
Yes… everything you’re right!
The business is 35 years old, our baby (we had no kids), and although there are things I can discuss superficially with others, nothing will ever be quite the same, the depth of understanding we had. I am treading water with it just now as we have various partners that need a controlled wind down from selling our services. Also want to try and retain some income for a few months. But I guess I will close it within a year or so… and lose my “baby” too.
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@Sarie ok, understood. See how you feel a year from now. Perhaps you could wind it down a level or two…
We didn’t have kids either, so out cats were always important to us, that’s what makes it so sad that J’s favourite we had put to sleep a month before he killed himself I am left now with just the remainig cat, and to think a couple of months ago, there was 2 of us, an 2 cats, now down to just me and 1 cat. Amazing what life throws at you.
Interesting I have not been too bad this week, but suddenly yesterday I had a wobble, and it has continue today too, not sure what has triggered it, but it’s tearful time again. 
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Reading this site, it’s amazing how many pets die just before or after our partners.
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@SadGirlfriend It is isn’t it. It’s awful, we were so upset as ‘we’ made the decision to send her to catty heaven. Once the other sister cat goes to heaven, I am not sure I will get any more pets in the near future, as I want/need to get away, at the moment I can’t really do that, as I care too much for little catty. We both lived amongst wildlife, and adored animals.
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I am the same. My lovely dog is 15 now and keeps falling down, but is happy enough and still enjoys her life. I shall be distraught when she goes, but I will have more freedom to disappear at the drop of a hat.
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This is why I’m not getting a pet, despite all the people saying I should. I need to be able to get away as and when.
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My 16yr old cat was diagnosed with a cancer on her lip soon after my husband passed, vet said its not operable and that was that ( she may not have survived an anaesthetic at her age) I started giving her CBD oil to ensure she was pain free, she is still with me 18 months later xx
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Definitely! I keep thinking of all the things I need to tell him. It seems so wrong as feel I need to complete the ‘story’ of him and me. Sometimes I tell him these things out loud - it helps.
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@Arti I am sure you will complete your story in due course, and good to read you have found something that helps you, by speaking out loud. Anything that helps and/or offers comfort is good enough.
Best,
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Hi.
I also do this. I find it really helps xx
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It’s the same for me - before Grahame and after Grahame. Politics were his life. He lived to see the invasion of Ukraine but not the events in Israel. He had supported the Palestinians for many years and would have been very upset by the situation now.
However, he was spared something he would not have been able to cope with. A few weeks after he died his daughter, my stepdaughter, at aged 50, was diagnosed with myotonic dystrophy, a genetic disorder causing muscle weakness, cataracts, intellectual disability and heart problems. 14 months later his second son was diagnosed with the same condition. I feel sad that they are denied their father’s support, although I do what little I can.
I have mixed feelings about all this.
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Had to have my beloved cat put to sleep one year to the day my husband was rushed to hospital. The only consolation was he made it to age 18, but makes you wonder how much loss one can tolerate!
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