Not logged on for a few days. The funeral was ok, as ok as a funeral can be. He was late to it which made me laugh as he was always late! Mum and I even joked the day before, at least he wont be late to the funeral, but he managed it! I still feel like I’m in a blur and I am exhausted, no motivation or anything. Starting back at work on Thursday just the morning to see how I go, hopefully 26 children will keep me busy for a while!
Hi Catladyspain, your story made me smile, my mum always used to say ‘You’ll be late for your own funeral’ I am sending you lots of hugs and best wishes, it must be terribly hard returning to work so soon after your loss. Stay strong and remember, you are not alone!
I found looking after my three young grandsons really helped in the early days after I lost my husband. I was surprised that I could manage on my own as my husband used to help a bit when he was alive. I still really live for when I see them.
Hi Catladyspain
I went back to work after a few weeks. I could not sit at home on my own surrounded by memories, but i understand why others cannot face it.
My wife’s funeral was Thursday, and it went well. I firmly believe that she gave me extra courage and support, but unfortunately, the following morning, and since, i have been back to the grief, which i expected. It is hard, but i feel that i have done everything to honour her that i could have since she passed.
I am sure your husband would have been proud of you, getting through the day.
Take care, and don’t expect too much of yourself back at work.
I think it’s finally hitting me I’ll not see him again. I’m hoping going back to work will help, they’ve been really kind and I think they’ll support me if I need to step out for a while during the day. I’m a teacher so hoping 26, 6 year olds will be s distraction! At least for a few hours a day.
Yes I think that 26 six year olds will be as you say. I used to teach that age group as well at one time before I left to have my own children and have wonderful memories. I didn’t think I could do it with my own little children as well so I used to just do supply teaching because there wasn’t so much homework to do.
Hi catladyspain
My boss has been incredibly supportive through this. He came to the funeral to support me, even though he had never met my wife.
Going back to work will possibly put some routine back into your life, which i found helpful when i went back, but don’t expect too much from yourself. It is not a cure, and i have broken down at work, but at least it has given me some purpose.
Good luck with the teaching, and sending love, hugs and hope to you.
Yanko,No it’s at St John’s university once a month. Where is Trinity church?
Hi Bumblebee
Its in Audenshaw but ive just checked and yours is in york is that right mines in manchester im sorry but if you post a message on here perhaps someone will accompany you save you doing it on your own . I wish we could have gone together would have made it easier on us both.
Yanko, Yes it would be nice to have someone to go with. It’s always
daunting going somewhere on your own for the first time
especially if you’re a shrinking violet like me !
Bumblebee
Your not a shrinking violet youve just lost your confidence and that happens to everyone. I lived in morecambe for a while in between moving to Manchester and luckily my son is only 10 mins away which is good because even tho i do go places on my own its great to have that company to fill the void a little bit. You can do it i know you can and your late hubby knows you can as well talk to his picture and tell him you need his help and you know hes there by your side to keep you strong
I’m lucky to have three grown up children. The youngest is at
University, the eldest about 10 miles away and the middle one
lives with me and they both work full time. I will try to summon up
the courage to go to the next meeting.
Bumblebee
Good on ya but just remember dont push yourself too much do it when you feel right and your doing it for you . No disrespect but you have to a bit selfish and heal yourself and draw on the strength of you all as a unit to help each other just take one day at a time let yourself get better.
Do you mean the meeting at the university because there are also other Avenues you can explore like councilling that can be done in groups,face to face or on the phone reach out for these aswell dont leave it too late like i did 4 years down the road and i hadn’t dealt with it now im reaching out getting help which i should have done before.
I am getting some counselling from cruse on the phone once a
month. I won’t go to the bereavement cafe if I don’t feel like it.
I’m trying to take one day at a time but sometimes I feel I should be
doing more stuff.
Bumblebee
I know what you mean about being busy just be careful you dont burn yourself out on a good day do what you can on a bad day give yourself time to re-charge you will know when youve got the right balance its all about ups and downs for the moment
Today I hdad two of my grandsons come with my son who works in my old office as it was half term… I had to suddenly clear all my stuff to make room. Of course they wanted to sit where I had put my stuff. I was reminded of when my husband was alive two years ago. One of them said if you hadn’t met grandad we would not be here. So insightful.
Out of the mouths
I thought yes he is part of them still. They came from him. I felt somehow that I was here too to continue our history to pass on our story
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Hi Enorac
Thats a lovely thing for them to say sometimes we forget that other people are missing the person who has passed its just natural. But also it has prompted you to think about others .
I took my grankids out at night and pointed to the shiniest star in the sky and told them thats where grandma lives now .
And because she is so high up she can keep watching over us .
I never thought of that but think they would have bought into it. I tend to talk about do they remember what he used to do. I tell them stories of the old days when their dad was their age .
They do remind me I him a lot. They are interested in their granddad’s sporting achievements .
I took them to the village museum where there is a photo of him on display.
They like to go to his grave and look at his photo there in his flower pot.
They fit flowers in and butterflies in sticks write little cards and stick that in as well. Someone said she didn’t like shrines but I don’t thinking it as that.
We go in church and light a candle and write a little prayer to hang on the prayer 
tree
Thats really good because they feel close to him when they can have that bit of visit with purpose to it.
I had a tree planted in the crematorium grounds so we can go to that and put flowers and trinkets and bits of memorabilia on it .