Hi Joe. Just do it in your own time
It is devastating to do something you don’t feel ready for. I used to get my box of photos out regularly but then had to shut them away again. I keep a framed photo of Ron in the living room. I had to sort his clothes out quickly too because it hurt me so much to see them every day. I kept remembering where he had worn them and I broke down. I kept the two that he loved best but I still can’t look at them without sobbing.
I know what you mean, I do the same - call his name - but he is not there. So upsetting. And yes things seem worse by the day.
I know how you feel, if I have company, I feel normal, but once I am on m own the pain comes back and longing to see him gets worse with every passing day.
I find the house calm and serene knowing that his ashes are here with me. I talk to him. Ask him why he left me? I have a memory box with lots of his bits and pieces in. I look through it with love but floods of tears. Why do we all have to suffer like this? X
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Hi Joe. I couldn’t even take the ashes home from undertakers for ages. My daughter went to collect them and kept them in her house for weeks. I just couldn’t accept that all I had left .of my husband was a box of ashes. I have him at home now but I still can’t look at them. It is as though it is all a nightmare.
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I have my husbands ashes in a beautiful urn. It sits on my unit along with several large photos of him and a memory lamp. Its beautiful and i sit and look at him and talk to him. I also cry and ask him why he left me. I do at least have a part of him here. I felt like you at first angiejo. I was nervous about collecting him. Couldnt touch the urn. Now i love him being here. I put my hands on urn and talk to him. I can feel him in house to. Hopefully it will get better for you.x
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@Angiejo1
That is exactly how I was I didn’t collect his ashes for 9 weeks as in my head if I didn’t get them it wasn’t happening. I now have them at home I get no comfort at all and cannot accept that is what Graham now is so I ignore them . I am having counselling ( sue ryder zoom) and have been told I’m not accepting Graham’s death as I don’t want it to be true. Was 3 months since his funeral yesterday and he died 6 weeks before that. If anything I am getting worse as time goes on as this is not the life I want.
Take care
Julie
Julie. I hope things get better for you Julie. It is so sureal and we have no control. I am looking forward to meeting you at the NW group meeting after lockdown. Hopefully we can talk of our loved ones openly. Virtual hugs. X
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What is the NW meeting?
Hi Kazza. We are all going to meet up in the North West when Covid is over. It was suggested we meet halfway between everyone’s town. I have no doubt you will be hearing more details soon. I do hope you will join us. Regards.
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I will certainly try.
Take care
K
Is ther a meet up group for south east?? Does anybody know??
I am worthing. London bit to far for me but thankyou for the offer x
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My wife went yesterday from covid. I held her so tight so im fully aware shes gone.
Wobbled big time this morning then picked myself up.
Fine all day at my sons, he told me some gossip.
I have just come flying in the door to tell Jo.
Yup shes not here now.
More floods ! How the hell do we all do this without our soulmates. I failed day 1
Hello @Daz. You didn’t fail at all. What you are feeling is exactly right at this time. We all fall apart when we lose the love of our life so don’t be too hard on yourself. You will do this time and time again before there is any acceptance. You are in shock and probably numb as well. Everyone says just take one day or hour at a time and it is good advice. You need to nurture yourself.
Do keep posting as we are all here for you.
Love and light.x
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daz
This still happens to me I am 7 weeks losing my partner to covid, I don’t know how I’ve got to seven weeks but I have.
I have had very bad thoughts of being with him which worried me because we have four children and two grandchildren and I couldn’t put them through more pain our three year old still cry’s for him at bedtime.
Get through each day the best you can if not a day just hour by hour our children were with me every day for a month day and night which helped, but now I do have long periods alone I confess I cry I shout his name round the house I beg him not to leave me.
I still cannot see a future for me our wedding booked in June and we were retiring next year as all four children are now settled with partners we had fulfilled that part of being parents.
Debbie55 hope last night was kind to you we have survived another day and night, your in my thoughts a lot as I can feel your pain virtual hugs 
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Hi Daz
Bless you, we have all been where you are now. Don’t be too hard on yourself, you are at the beginning of a very difficult journey. Your partner would want you to carry on and you have to for your family. Take one day at a time and expect to feel grief.
You take care of yourself.
Yes totally. Always on my mind then and now but I can’t pick up the phone and speak any time I needed or turn to speak to him or laugh with him. Life is so miserable.
You never realise how lonely you are until it’s the end of the day and you’ve got a bunch of things to talk about and no one to talk to.
x
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