The knotted up stomach feeling

Hi anyone out there , having a bad day today I lost my wife in October life is nothing now on bad days I find it hard to focus on anything , and then sometimes I get
This feeling of dread of the future it’s like a knot in my stomach , it’s been nine weeks since I lost my soulmate and things aren’t getting much better just when I think the tears are getting less I have a day like today it’s as if something is saying I’m guilty of not caring ,is anybody having these feelings

We lost our youngest son five weeks tomorrow and it seems to be getting worse as the days go by I can’t think of anything or anyone but Christian and it’s getting that the tears won’t stop.The longing to see him again is immense and I know that can never be.I have tablets to take at night and they do make me sleep but the dread of waking up the following morning when the realisation of whats happened sets in and then the panic followed by fear is dreadful…It does make you wonder what life is all about…People tell me that you can suffer every kind of emotion whilst in grief so I think it’s quite common to feel the way you do…Take care x

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Hi John David
I’m sorry for the loss of you beautiful wife I know the feelings are so overwhelming please believe me you are not alone .
It is still so early in your grief it only nine weeks for you I now there are days that standing up is such a hard thing for me I had a terrible day all day Saturday I just wanted to roll up in a ball and scream tears just wouldn’t stop and I have got this massive knot in my stomach and also fell guilty for me I ask my self did I do enough did I fight hard enough did my husband know how much I loved him I think felling guilty is normal I’m going bye what other people on the forum are saying .
I lost the love of my life on the 26th of November.
Please take care and I hope we all manage to muddle through the overwhelming journey .
Lily

Hi John David

I am sorry for the loss of your wife. It must be so painful after finally finding ‘the one’ to have your time together cut short. I too have had a bad day. I was willing myself to do better but people being kind to me just made things worse. My husband died unexpectedly in October and today I have cried so much. This emotional pain really hurts. From reading other posts on this site it seems like it takes a long time before the tears stop. All we can do is take one day at a time and not be too hard on ourselves.

Yvonne

My partner died 16 months ago and I cry every day. Today ive had a very bad day crying non stop I dread the future-the loneliness getting out of bed every morning facing a day alone again- one just does not know what to do-its very tough and Im sorry John David you lost your wife people say in time it gets better but maybe for some and not others. The day Mike died-I died inside too

Hi Scorpio. Thanks for your kind words , as you know the pain is unbearable I went across the road on New year’s Eve to soma friends of ours everybody else was in couples apart from me when it got close to midnight I said my goodbyes because l couldn’t stand the pain of everybody celebrateing one guy said you have got to move on it’s only 9 weeks since I lost my wife this I thought was out of line unless you’ve been in situation you can’t understand how we feel that remark has set me back , I’m sorry for going on but I needed to get it off my chest, I hope you find a way through this terrible time

Hi kris I’m so sorry for your loss like you say the loneliness is worst thing if it hadn’t bee for my lovely dog and cat I don’t know what I would have done

Hello John David . So sorry about the loss of your sole mate. I lost my husband whilst on holiday in September. After 45 years we still used to laugh every day and it’s not the going out somewhere I miss, it’s the normal everyday things, dinner for one etc. Making decisions, things that he would deal with like house insurance.,and the love we had for each other.

If it helps I too have days when I cry all day and wonder where I am going and what I am doing and get the gut wrenching feeling and even though I have 2 adult sons with family, I pretend I am ok because they have work and have chaotic lives with young children and they are grieving too.

I don’t know how to go forward either but as a friend said to me who lost her husband two years ago, don’t expect too much of yourself ,take it one day at a time and don’t loose your sense of humour

Hope this helps you are not alone with your feelings

June

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Yes I know exactly how you are feeling lost my Carol on Boxing Day 2017 and some days are just about bearable and most days unbearable with knots in my stomach not knowing what my future holds I will never be the same man ever again and am totally lost without her after 47 yrs together all I want to do is to be with her that may sound wrong but my head is all over the place with emotions …I am totally lost forever

Another very bad day. Bumped into an old friend who asked “How are you.” That was enough to set me off. Went for a coffee with tears streaming down my face. Had a panic attack which I couldn’t control. The Staff had to get me a glass of water as I was struggling to breathe.

I hate being this way. The pain in my chest is awful and hurts so much. I’m seriously thinking of getting my anti depressant prescription filled although I am scared stiff of the side effects.

Going to try and find a trauma Counsellor next week, although I’m not too keen on talking to a stranger who knows nothing about me or my life. I know they listen but they can’t change anything and I don’t like to keep getting upset. How does that help?

Sorry for this negative post but all my ‘moving on’ hopes for the New Year have not materialised.

Yvonne

Hi bovabelly im two months further into the nightmare I’ve had a bad week all day today I’ve seen thinking I’m glad they sedated my wife she didn’t suffer and then I’m thinking I wonder if she suffer and breaking down it’s a rollercoaster that you can’t get off we are on a journey but don’t know were it will lead a journey we didn’t want to be on, everything is wrong I keep thinking why me it’s not fair but at least we are still here if we can get over what’s happened but it’s a big IF , all we can do is take one day at a time it’s not easy and doesn’t seem to be getting any better we just have to try

To bovabelly and John. Your comments reflect exactly how I feel. My husband died last June and I am feeling worse now than at the beginning. Maybe we feel like this because January is always a depressing month. At the moment all I want to do is be with him. I spend hours just walking aimlessly around the town or sitting in the library reading the newspapers. I have been waiting four months for counselling from Cruse but still haven’t had an appointment. Sometimes I think I am going mad. I thought that once Christmas and New Year were over I would start to feel better but no way. We had been married for 66 years and although I am glad we had such a long time together, I feel as if I have been ripped apart. Let us hope that the coming of spring will start the healing process, if there is such a thing. Warm regards. Eileen

Hello to everyone who has contributed to this thread. I wish with all my heart that none of us had arrived at this state of aloneness and almost constant pain but we ARE, in spite of ourselves, all trudging along grief’s path… and somehow we have to cope with it. Nineteen months after the death of my other half (it actually feels as if he was at least my other three quarters as I am now so diminished) I don’t think there is a “normal” way to feel or a time table for our different feelings, doubts and fears to take us over, subside…and then rise again…this journey is different for each of us and more difficult for some than others. I think that one of the biggest problems is that, in our society, death is seldom talked about or its inevitability faced up to so we are ill equipped to cope with it. I have no answers and am really struggling with my faith at present, but I would like to share a thought with you…each and everyone of us loved the person for whom we are grieving…we must not wish them back to possibly suffer more than they already have but should do our best, in their memory, to try to use the time we have been given to help others and to actively look for things for which we can still be grateful…so easy to write and so hard to do but perhaps we could start a “today I had a moment’s happiness” thread to help raise our spirits and give us a little hope that we will get to wherever this path leads. Take care everyone!

Hi I lost my son 5 weeks ago and I feel exactly the same as you do.I feel that I can’t carry on with my every day life.is to have been given medication from my doctor as I am suffering with anxiety as will as grieving. I sometimes wonder if I am losing my mind I just want to be with my son x

Hi marina
I am truly sorry for the loss of you son and you are joining us all on this journey please believe me you are not going mad we have all got times like that some days I find just taking a breath is to hard never mind thinking about getting out of bed .
You are still so raw and heartbroken as we all are it’s good you have seen your doctor and getting something to ease your pain…my husband passed on the 26 th November and at times I scream to him to come back I want him with me every min but as you and everyone knows that saddle isn’t going to happen so like everyone else we will just have to muddle through and support each other the best we can I am so sorry marina I know it hurts like hell thinking of you big cuddles

I know how you feel. I lost my son to cancer error in December and it’s can’t function. I have tablets from my doctor and I am suffering with anxiety. It hurts so much he is just want h back xx

To Lyn and Mirlos
People say day by day step by step but my days and steps seem to be going backwards not forward, I can’t stop the tears or the misery I feel…I do try really hard but it just seems useless and pointless…I am not a religious person but I wish I was because if I thought there was something at the end of all this I could cope with it xx

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I know it is so very hard to cope.I find it difficult to get motivated to do anything. I am also taking medication from the doctors sometimes it works on my anxiety.but the pain and feeling of loss is unbearable. Have you spoken to your doctor x

Hi Marina
I know as we all do it’s so hard to cope we all fell your pain and heartbrack I wish there was something I could do or say that would ease it but all I can do is cry with you and tell you you are not alone and we will all travel on this journey with you as sadly we are all together on this overwhelming journey .
I pray so hard for us all that we will all find peace in our hearts sending you all big hugs please take care Marina .
Lily

Yes it’s the same for all of us just been out to the churchyard again and it breaks my heart to think that my beautiful Carol is there nothing can prepare us for this it’s slowly killing me but for the sake of my children and grandchildren she would want me to carry on but it’s heart wrenching and all I do is wait for bedtime then unable to sleep properly it’s as if I am waiting to die and join her and cry myself to sleep eventually all I can say God moves in a very mysterious way giving us all on here heartbreak and why why why … God bless you all