Hi Maria, I have recently completed a self referral to step2change for counselling. I think it will be a long wait. I’m considering going private once I can afford it again. I’m nervous about the initial assessment on Saturday. Going to see what they say. And rake it from there. Today’s been a rocky one. Somehow I got through it. More so because of work stress on top of it. My brother’s ashes are st my parents home. They’ve bulit a lovely shelf to display them. I added the things he treasured the most on the shelf with him.
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Hi heather. What a handsome brother you have , I’m sure you got lots of memories together , growing up , my self and my brother are close , a lot of people thought he was mine , I have spoilt him he only as to ask , but that’s my fault , there’s is 21 years in us . I’ve been ok for the last few days my tablets must be working now , but no one can tell us we should forget them as we never will
Hi , how your weekend been ? Mines been ok just been to cemetery put fresh flowers on ,did feel a bit Emotional while I was there today
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Hi Maria
The flowers are beautiful and the resting place looks very cared for. So much love and time has gone into keeping your sister’s memory alive. I had a rough day today just not wanted to go out. Been struggling with my psrtners lack of understanding about my feelings at the moment. He’s the tough love approach and believe the only way I can get through this is to eotk and pretty much not talk about. It’s actually painful today.
Yesterday I had an assessment for therapy. There is over a 12 weeks wait here. So I might have to go through another channel instead. How was your day and any plans for next week? I’m going to spend part of the evening writing my nook about my brother and dairy entries I’ve bulit up on coping with grief. Some day I.may publish it but at the moment it’s like a channel to.open up.
Hi how’s your last few days been like , I’m a bit down today it’s the first anniversary for Claire’s ashes were taken to the cemetery , I’ve just been having a moment to my self today and nearly every other month we will have something to do with Claire , I just keep thinking why .
Hi Maria, the kast few days have remained quite stable. I get a few reminders daily especially driving yesterday back from work. Saw a Ford capri drive pass. Told favourite car. It’s them little reminders that keep the memories alive. Awww it must of been quite a difficult day, its good to have the moments to yourself to gather thoughts and remember them. When my partner is out. I put on a couple of beatles songs Rob absolutely loved. For ages I put off listening to them as one was played at the funeral. Instead I started playing them when I’m cooking. First time I was an emotional, tearful couldn’t cope with the songs. Then after awhile the memories come flooding back.
Hi hows your week been ? Mines been ok feel a bit sad today don’t know why , think I need a good cry , but I can’t over the next few months we got some family get together so could be that I’m thinking about and Claire not been with me .
Hi , hope all is ok , I’ve had a pretty good week been to cemetery , been shopping , out for tea , I’m starting having the counselling face to face next week , hope this one will help me express my self more with seeing some one in person . I’m feel more relaxed this last week I’ve noticed I’m more happier in my self , the weight of shoulders has gone , I’ve probably come to Realise I’ve got to get on with my life with out Claire and she safe where she is . She always on my mind I will have to just cope the best I can . Maria
Hi Maria, it’s great to hear your having a good week. And the counselling will definitely help. Sounding very positive week. I’m doing OK. Trying to keep going
That’s all we can do, keep strong keep thinking about them , and we will get through this , will take time what ever we do they will always be with us ,
Hello
I have just joined here. Your title caught my eye and reading further I see some similarities. I lost my sister just over 3 years ago at age 43 from bowel cancer. To say I’m devastated is an understatement. I just can’t come to terms with it. She was /is my baby sister. I hate using the past tense when talking about her. We were so very very close then 6 months after she died I lost my mam. I have a lot of guilt that I can more come to terms with losing my mam than my sister. To me the normal way of things is eldest goes first. I have had counselling, no good and I have now given in to anti depressants ( I’m old school and was taught to just get on with things) my doctor describes me as a catastrophic thinker, I cannot bear the thought of losing anyone else and my thoughts at times are chaotic and I’m known to cry at work on a bus just anytime. I really can’t get over losing my precious sister but wish I could somehow nor feel so anxious all the time.
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Hi peewee, a warm welcome to the page. It seems anxiety is a big part of grieving, bever refuse just how bad things could get until I lost my brother. At first I was numb and worked and worked, then suddenly it hit home he wasn’t coming back. The reality I’d gard to process. It’d been a year and a half and live moves on. But for us, we all remain still I’m sorry for bathhouse losses. I hope you have great set of family and friends around you supporting you. I struggle to open up about the feelings I have. How did you find the counselling? You mentioned it wasn’t great. I’m on a waiting list for counselling. Had grief counselling last year. It helped at the time, then it started to wear off.
Hi peewee , I lost my twin sister in December 2020 at first I just got on with things , then as the year Was coming to a end with the first anniversary I released she wasn’t coming home , just after we lost her I went back to work to soon then I was just crying and in a world of my own , I’m totally lost out her , I’m Off work at the moment and having counselling which as helped me to open up . Maria
Hello Ladies, thanks for your lovely replies. I do have a lovely son and daughter but I don’t like to say a lot as they have also lost their auntie and nana. Other family members are not in contact now as there was a lot of falling out at the time. , some irreparable damage done. I am usually quite a strong person but this has just torn me apart. I don’t think time is a healer I feel worse now than at the beginning. Counselling for me didn’t work but that’s not to say it won’t for others. Friends who have tried it for various reasons say its great so if you have the opportunity try it , it may just be the boost you need. I tried cutting my anti depressants down recently as I thought it was just masking the problem but I have now started taking my original dose as I can feel myself slipping back, having terrible nightmares and catastrophic thinking again.
I do hope in the future I can have some sort of normality as I know my mam and sister would want this for me. I try to keep myself busy to take my mind off things. It does help.
I wish for you both peace, just take each day as it comes and hopefully things will get better.
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Hi heather , not heard from you for a few weeks , hope you ok . Maria
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Hi peewee , how are you doing , Maria
Hello Peewee, I just saw your post and I am so sorry for your loss. Your words resonated with me, as I too lost my precious little Sister to cancer 3 years on. We lost our mum in 2012, and we clung to each other during that difficult time. I relate to not being able to talk about my Sister in the past tense. When our mum passed, my little Sister had said “the worst has happened,” I thought to myself that there is one thing that could be even harder to face, and that would be to lose her. And then the unthinkable happened. I also feel that it was unnatural that she, the youngest, could go first, and as a result I suffer from survivor’s guilt. I suspect I shall never “get over” losing my beloved Sister. She was more than a Sister, we were the best of friends & soul mates. My heart goes out to you in your time of such intense pain and suffering. Xxx Another Sad Sister2
Just to inform everyone, there is a “Sibling Loss” thread on this site, where many posters share in our pain and grief at losing a sister or brother. It helps a bit to know we are not alone in this nightmare. Take care XXX
Hello Maria
I am ok at the minute thank you. Have been busy at work so that helps to take my mind off things. Weekends are hardest as I tend to stay in with the weather not being too good and that’s when I start thinking and get anxious and upset. I try to take each day as it comes and some days can be good. I have a lot of lovely memories and that also helps too. I hope you are doing ok 
Hello
Thank you for your lovely message , its so awful that we have both lost someone so precious to ourselves . My sister and I spoke at least 10 times a day and I miss that so much. Just her being there, its hurts so bad. She was so very brave and was worried for me and how I would cope. I remember her asking the doctor if she was dying and when they said yes I was a complete mess, she put a very brave face on it. I imagine now how that must have felt, so very frightening. I would give anything to have her back as I’m sure you would too but that’s not going to happen. I will have a look at the sibling loss thanks. You take care and again thank you for sharing with me it does help xx
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