So I lost my Dad in March. I’ve been soldiering on, good days & bad. Those early days being particularly difficult but now I think reality has started to creep in. I thought the other day that if I visited the hospital he’d still be there or if I did certain things he’d come back. I know deep down it’s nonsense but nothing seems to make sense. Anyone else feel like this? My anxiety right now is ten-fold.
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Common feeling my husband died without me abroad I am always thinking he is not dead and is just visiting his relatives
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Hi Cee. I get like that too, keep expecting my mum to just walk back through the door, it doesn’t seem real that she could have actually left me. Even though I was with her and held her as she passed away in my arms. I saw it, but still can’t fathom the idea of her not being here. She’s always been there for me. She was my whole family, my everything. I think her passing will take me a long time to process. It’s only been 2 months so far. I get a lot of anxiety too because I’m scared of my life without her, so it makes me worry how I’ll cope without her love and support. It’s awful. I understand 
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Yes I always imagine my Dad is still around . Must be A coping mechanism? X
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It’s the same for me I often imagine my husband coming home all normal reaction
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Thx @Stranger1 @Woo4 @Laura8 for your input. I’ve never experienced pain like it really. Missing someone has just got worse, I feel. Wether it’s because of Christmas approaching or it’s just dawned on me nothing will fix this, I don’t know. I’d wondered if this was the bargaining stage of grief.
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Hello I know exactly what you mean and how you feel as it’s the same for me with my Mum. I keep thinking about the what ifs but realise it won’t change anything but it totally sucks! I find each day getting harder as the longer I go without seeing her the more I miss her. I still struggle to get my head around it at times!
I am struggling to see how I’ll ever get over this or it ever getting any easier. I kind of miss being oblivious to others that were grieving when I wasn’t. It does sound kind of selfish but that just how I feel.
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@Jess1 Thankyou, glad it’s not just me. Sorry you’re also going thru it. It’s the disbelief isn’t it, every morning it’s there. I still think I’ve imagined the whole thing. You’re right about the being oblivious. I miss that kind of ignorance because I hate how this new normal feels. I certainly don’t want to get used to it. How long has it been for you? Xx
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@Cee It’s got worse for me too . I miss him so much . Been to the shops and realised it’s going to be my first ever Christmas with out Dad here and we did so much with him and couldn’t really hold my tears in . It’s just broke my heart again . Just seems to break and break . How are you doing now ? Xx
@Laura8 I understand totally, I just feel further away from him & that day in March & it sucks. I’ll be glad when Xmas is over tbh. Is this going to get easier do you think? I’m ok if I’m busy but there are constant reminders. How’s things with you? Xx
I’m pretty much the same as you I think ?
Missing him terribly , very tearful and low .
I don’t think it gets easier as such but people tell me you learn to live alongside it ? And learn to carry this grief and rebuild alongside it . Not happening for me and probably won’t for a long time .
I try to get outside as much as i can and I’ve taken on Dads allotment . It’s very healing but there is not as much to do now and this weather doesn’t help .
Xx
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I don’t think we ever will and same as you, I lost my Mum in March.
I cant believe it’s been 8 months as it still feels like yesterday!
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@Laura8 I love that grief jar illustration. Aptly put. I think you’re right, it’s learning to carry it but at the moment, it’s too heavy & doesn’t fit in the backpack. That’s a fab idea, the allotment, somewhere your Dad enjoyed & you can feel closer to him. November weather really is horrible, I’m not an Autumn person lol. Have you been thru a succession of firsts without your Dad? Xx
@Cee @Laura8 @Jess1 I agree I don’t think we’ll ever get over losing our parent. But I also don’t feel like I want to? I want to feel this grief and this pain because I don’t want to feel OK without my mum, she should be here, I know I’m kind of torturing myself but do you get what I mean? Like I would be doing her a disservice if I just moved on after a while and didn’t care as much. The pain we feel means we loved so much. I can’t get over it and never will x
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@Jess1 8 months to the day for me on 8th. Sometimes it seems like years & other times it seems like yesterday. You’re right, we’re changed forever. Grief really is a dreadful affliction
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@Woo4 I get it totally. I’d watched my Dad dying & ppl said to me: You’ll forget about that in time. Truth is, I don’t want to forget it as he was still alive then & it was the last time I saw him alive…I forever replay it throughout the day, hoping to change the outcome even tho it’s pointless & like you say, torture. I think we do it because we’re not ready to let go & why would we. If you loved deeply, it hurts deeply so that makes sense. Moving on means moving on without them & that torments me. Xx
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I’m exactly the same - my mum passing in hospital was so traumatic but I can’t forget it and don’t want to because as you said, its the last time I saw her alive, the last time I spoke to her and held her. I wanted to remember it so bad I wrote down everything I could remember after. I read it every now and then.
It’s devestating but I don’t want to forget. Its nice speaking to someone who understands, even though it’s so heartbreaking x
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He has only been gone 3 months . But I had my birthday in October and it was horrible . . Bonfire night was always special in our house and we would go to their house and have hotdogs and a fire and sit talking. I took my son to an organised one but I was just existing through it . Christmas is going to Be very very hard as we did so much . Everything is still so raw .
How about you?
Xx
I feel exactly the same .
The only thing is our loved ones would want us to have full lives . I have no idea how that will happen for me …
xx
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Yes I know what you mean someone once said to me that I should sort myself out and get over it and I went mad I said I’d never get over it nor do I want to. It made me confused thinking that way but that’s how I feel 
she’s my mum at the end of the day and I’ll always think about her and miss her no matter what!
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