Losing a partner and where I go from here! My wife of 50 years died in the middle of November 2023. We had been together since 10/09/93
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Is that 30 years you were together ? Long time … its not easy is it … i lost my husband a year ago and i have realised now that i need all the support i can get tbh. So reach out to friends or family to get you through this hard tine xx
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So sorry for your loss. I lost my angel over 8 months ago - these days I still feel deeply sad, empty and so lonely someday it feels like just happened yesterday and someday feels like hmm… I have come a long way since. There have been okay days and horrible days, one step forward and 2 steps back - I just take one day at a time and let the feelings flow. Talking to him everyday helps ease the pain so I do that mornings, afternoons and evenings. Trying to adapt to the new normal life living for both of us, me and him in my heart forever.
Take good care X
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12 months into this awful journey … i said same thing to my friend next door today - one step forward, 2 steps back 
i still cry for him do you ? I cant help it , the sadness is still there , i still miss him so much … are you same x
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@Deb5 i have read by an expert the worse time lasts 2 years . Like you said being together like we were 30 years is a big loss to deal with . The pain is very hard to cope with xx
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Hi Mike swift I lost my wife of 37 years in October 23,she went to hospital with 1 issue then they discovered 2 more. She fought bravely for 8 weeks but it was not to be.
I can’t describe the shock and wretched feeling of getting that phone call.
Her sister had passed only 6 weeks before, and as she was in hospital I had to organize her funeral and represent her.
I never imagined that 4weeks later I would be doing it again for her. Now the house is just empty, a house but not a home.
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Well im 13 months in and still hard. Im making friends now so that’s a good sign but its tough. We have to keep slowly moving forward dont we , although i know i drag my heels … 13 months today had to say goodbye though at hos funeral… i think i will always love him and im so sorry had to say goodbye to him i really am … but we meet nice people dont we along the way ! Thank god for that otherwise we might as well give up al together ! And we still have to try get best out of life dont we ? Like you with your holiday and me with mine. Mind you i found not having him sat next to me so hard he was such a supportive husband . . He supported me with everything bless him x
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@mikes
I’m so deeply sorry for your loss my friend.
I lost my Wife of 31 years Anna at the beginning of November last year following a 16 month battle with Cancer. I am beyond devastated, i come home from work every evening expecting her to be there sat in the front room watching TV or in the kitchen preparing dinner. The loneliness is absolutely unbearable, i sit & cry whilst talking to her ashes every night telling her how much i long to be with her again & can’t face going on on my own. Life seems so pointless now that she’s not with me any more & I’m all alone with nothing ahead to look forward to. We had made all these plans for what we were going to do & where we were going to go when we retired. I miss her so much & the pain of losing her is on another level to anything I’ve experienced before.
To hear that people have good days & bad days is encouraging but unfortunately I’m still at the bad days stage. I’ve heard all the " Time is a great healer " comments here & there but i don’t ever think things will ever change for me going forward, I’m always going to feel like a huge part of me has gone forever. I have a wonderfully supportive Son & Daughter & two beautiful Grandchildren & we are all suffering the despair of grief & sadness, i hope you are managing to deal with the loss of your Wife better than i am.
Take care mate xx
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Hello Villaboy22
Thank you for your reply,even to do that was incredibly brave and strong. Although you may not realize it. I am very early into my loss compared to some and very very fortunate to have strong loyal friends around me, they were her friends too so knew us both well. Try and draw strength from your son & daughter,as they will from you.
I have 2 stepdaughters and we are helping each other day by day.
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Dear VillaBoy22
Many thanks for taking the trouble to reply. My wife died on 15th November in hospital after a long bout of various illnesses bourne with a great deal of fortitiude. We held the funeral in mid December and I’m waiting for our eldest daughter’s friend to create an urn to keep the ashes in.
Like you I feel as though someone has knocked all the stuffing out of me, most times every thing’s too much effort. Added to this, I used to be quite a heavy drinker so I’m having to keep the booze at bay
So LIfe is grim at the moment especially when well meaning folks ask how I’m feeling and even worse if I’m OK. If I respond by saying no I’m not OK and probably never will be for the forseeable future, I get a blank look and worse, “what’s the matter?” On the other side of the coin, my grown up kids are rallying round and my brother in law and wife have offered to take me on holiday. A nice thought whether or not I take them up on the offer.
One thing I have done is to make a list of things that I could be doing, it’ come to about 30in all, volunteering, taking computer lessons, join my local “Men in Shed” group etc etc. I haven’t implemented any of them yet. Easier said than done.
All the advice I can offer is not to try any thing like suicide, it won’t help the rest of the family. Please tell me to mind my own business if appropriate.
Best wishes and please keep in touch
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@mikes
Hi Mike, Thanks for your reply, no problem with the suicide comment but I’m not at that stage, not just yet anyways. I wouldn’t do that to my Son, Daughter & Grandchildren, they’ve been through more than they deserve of late.
I’m glad to hear you have Family to lean on, I’m not so fortunate in that respect, i have no Family of my own & my Wife’s Parents & Brothers behaviour has been appalling, going back to when she went into Hospital around 2 months before she passed away, none of them made the time or effort to visit her at all for the 5 weeks she was in there which upset my Anna very deeply & enraged me immensely to the point where she made me promise not to kick off at them, i made that promise to her & have kept it since that day, instead I’ve alienated them completely, I’ve not seen or had any contact with any of them since the Funeral at the end of November.
My two Children are both grown ups with lives of their own to live but they are in contact with me on a daily basis & i visit them of a weekend which gives me something to focus on during the week. I have things to keep me occupied & when the cold weather passes I’ll be able to get out & about on my Vespa & Lambretta as i am a bit of a Scooter lad. I Love tinkering around with them & at my happiest when I’m out in my garage working on them.
I’ll definitely keep in touch mate as i hope you will also.
Take care my friend x 
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Dear Villa Boy
Thanks for the useful reply. I would have replied earlier but I 've had a couple of hospital appointments recently which have set me back a bit. In addition one of the kids and his family are moving a bit further away which is a shame. They have been living with us/me for 4 years or so after a divorce and it is to be expected that they want a home of their own. Still I’ll miss them when they move even though its only a few miles away.
My mum and I had a similar problem to you with relatives when my father died, is brother and sister in law who lived about half a mike away, never supported or visited because they would have found it “too up setting” and the brother couldn’t even put a suit on for the funeral. However we knew what to expect from previous years. Like you we resolved not to have much if anything to do with them henceforth. I think their behaviour was their loss not ours and I think it will be the same in your circumstances. Having said that I did make the point of seeing them when they were in the final stages of their illnesses, on Dad’s behalf as it were.
The next stage for me is to get the car back on the road, I think there’s an electronic fault somewhere! This will make me a bit more mobile and I have discovered a “men in shed” group almost within walking distance offering coffee and biscuits once a week. Something else to try.
All the best, I agree that spring is getting nearer. Time to wheel out the scooters!
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@ debs I feel I need to make new friends and I really hope to such as a local coffee morning for those who are bereaved . I think I will reach out more
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Yeh i know 3xactly what you mean. We do dont we or else we become too isolated … its so hard without them here isnt it ? My sister is now very poorly and im finding it so hard without him here … shes only 55 … im finding it really upsetting actually. …
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Thanks so@Jol it is very triggering … i dont think shes gonna survive tbh And only 13 months after my lovely husband … i wish he was here , she was a bridesmaid at our wedding … its so sad isnt it ? This life and all it throws at us … ;( its just crap … have any of my kids rung up to see if im ok ? No ofcourse they havent !!! These are the sort of kids i have got ! Totally selfish and self obsessed !!
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@Deb5 i am so sorry they are like that to you after you have bought them up to be kind I’m sure
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I did yeh … they just turned into not very nice people as they grown up … i think this generation are so obsessed with themselves these days … its all about them. My husband never confronted them about it …i think he didnt want to lose their love … but they wind me up with their attitude … they were so lovely as children but my mum says they get influenced by partners , their families , friends … sad isnt it really … i just wish my husband had been tougher with them and it might be a bit easier for me now … only thing i can do is leave them to it and hope they come round one day ? I dont like the way this generation have gone … do you think they teach them at school that everything they do is right ? I often wonder ? Its as if they think they know more than you - even though we have lived longer … xx
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@Deb5 i hope they change their attitudes but like you said being influenced by others can change a person . You don’t deserve it though my love . Best wishes Julia
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@mikes
Thanks for the reply mate.
I’m sorry to hear that your Son & his family are moving away but I’m sure once you get your Car sorted that will enable you to visit them often.
I agree that my Wife’s family’s behaviour is their loss & they will have to live with the guilt of their actions going forward.
Good to hear about the " men in a shed group " you have discovered, hopefully you can get something from that, even though it’s only once a week it’s something to focus on.
I am looking forward to the weather warming up a bit so i can get my Scooters out, i never really had the time last year due to my Anna being ill but I’ll be getting out on them regularly this year weather permitting.
Take care of yourself fella & feel free to drop me a message anytime x
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