@Bekind thank you…yes at any age is definitely hard on losing someone especially your soulmate. Wow you both were young when you got married. Teenagers? Did your parents approve or did you elope? We were older. My husband was 27 (28 next day) and I was 31. My toy boy though I looked younger than him lol. I do so miss him and feel so lonely in my grief. Sending hugs xx
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Hi @Hazel.1966
Lol 
we certainly were and they all said it wouldn’t last…well 2 fingers up to the sceptics!! We were young and had 2 great kids and none of us ever regretted it. We built a good life for ourselves and made sure our kids had a good education etc. We lived for our family and always made sure they had good strong ethics. We made so many plans about what we were going to do when we retire etc…heyho cancer threw a spanner in the works and here I am on a bereavement website!! I’m laughing at you and your toy boy aww 
age is only a number xx
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@Bekind well you proved everyone wrong… sounds like a love story. Cancer definitely sucks. My husband got cancer but never knew as never got diagnosed. He died suddenly never knowing masking the pain down to a fall 20 months previously smashing his elbow to pieces. So very sad. Sending lots of love Xx
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@Hazel.1966 thats so awful for you both and sending you hugs 
too. Just going to try and get some sleep for a couple of hours. Take care and lovely chatting to you…catch up soon xx
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@Prof bless you . I’ve read your eloquent post here and your background story . I’m feeling very moved by your writing. You are right - there is no age which is best to live the love of your life . I’m 58 and my partner died suddenly without any warning aged 59. I feel like my life is over . I’m not resilient , so I find myself floundering and well as trying to deal with my heartbreak. I know that I will never have any new possibilities but that’s because I will choose not to . I’m trying to survive and if I manage this then I will be doing better than I expect. Once again bless you xxx💔
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I just read this heart felt testimony to your husband…I feel exactly the same about my Sandie…I am totally lost… those that have not experienced this do not know…but most will eventually…I send you much love…
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Dear Hazel,
I’m so sorry to have come across as greedy and selfish. It isn’t what I meant at all and certainly not to eclipse what others are feeling. Each bereavement is unique but the pain is just as searing for someone cheated of the long, happy future they had envisaged as it is for those whose whole adult lives were spent becoming one soul.
There is never a right time to be widowed, for those who truly loved. My two oldest friends were widowed young in dreadful circumstances and although I did what I could, it was really beyond my comprehension. I knew it but a cold hand clutched my heart for them and myself. I know that’s a cliché but only those who have experienced it know the reality of its meaning.
I can’t justify my seemingly insensitive words except to say that it was not my intention to hurt, only to try to express my bewilderment at finding myself suddenly completely alone after a lifetime of cherishing and being cherished. There are no children and almost all my old friends have died. I’m struggling to be “me, I” instead of “us, we”. I’m not, “Mummy” or “Granny”. I’m even denied the one last link with my dear one as letters come addressed with my initial, not his. Hospital staff bark out my Christian name, which is freely used by other total strangers on the 'phone - estate agents, energy companies and banks. My sense of identity is dissolving away, hastened by the loss of my proper title, Mrs …
I know this must come across as eccentric to younger people but it’s just another example of why I no longer belong anywhere.
God bless us all.
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@Prof thank you for your reply…no you haven’t come across greedy or selfish. I’m just struggling so much and 5 months I have lost my husband in dreadful circumstances and I am still in denial and shock. I understand at any age that our grief is hard and and no grief is less than the other person. All our grief is unique to us. To have your husband for all those years and not to have him any more must be extremely hard for you. Like losing half of yourself. I do wish I could have my husband back as miss him so much. Had so many plans and feel like his life has been robbed and our future plans and dreams have gone. You sounded like you were so devoted to each after. Lucky that you had this love as so many people never find love. Sending big hugs xx
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Dear Hazel,
Thank you for your generous understanding.
Yes, you have been robbed. Death is a thief. Our future is stolen and age doesn’t come into it. I know I’m blessed to have had the years but my husband was fit and athletic, with triathlons and long cycling events already on the calendar. Even these events didn’t separate us as I went with him and was always there to cheer him on and welcome him to the finishing line, to celebrate or commiserate, according to the results.
I was lucky. My dear one was killed and the shock was tremendous but I can be glad his suffering was very short. My heart aches for all of you who suffered long illnessses with your husband or wife. You bore it together but now you are bearing your loss alone and outsiders can’t comprehend. They will even talk about, “happy release” " suffering over" " at peace now". It IS for one of you. We are glad in our hearts that our beloved is free from the pain and concerns of the world but it doesn’t help to be told so by someone who has no more idea than a canary what it is like to be keft.
Sending my love to you who are hurting.
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Dear @Prof thank you for your kind words…my husband died suddenly. I went to work on the Saturday and Sunday I got a call from my son to say that dad had collapsed and time I got home he was gone. He was 53. I feel guilty as didn’t realise how ill he was. Got him down the doctor’s but to late. He died of a massive rear saddle pulmonary embolism and kidney cancer in both kidneys. He seem fit and working up to the day before. He never knew he had cancer. 20 months previously he fell 3 meters and smashed his elbow. It seems that this mask his symptoms. Do take care and big hugs xx
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Hey @Hazel.1966 @Prof No matter how they passed we are all on the same journey at the end of the day, our individual experiences may differ, however, the end result is the same. Sending hugs to all who finds themselves on here 
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Bless you, dear Hazel. Bless all here who are hurting so much.
It is easy for us to understand that sudden loss is a great shock, suffered not just by us but also by those around us who just didn’t see it coming.
What outsiders don’t understand is that the death of a much loved spouse, even after a long illness, is still a shock and the one left is still faced with the same feeling of disbelief and unreality. That was the case when my adored Father died. I thought it would be impossible to recover ftom that. Perhaps I haven’t but then I had my husband to support me and together we cared for my gtieving Mother. All we could do was be with her, ready to listen, help with any tasks, large and small and weep with her in her loss. I knew that chill of fear and the determination to cherish what I had.
I had been nursing my Father and knew what was coming but as he died in our arms, the shock and disbelief hit me like a jolt or blow from something heavy that had fallen on me, followed by that anaesthetic of numbness that enables us to deal with the practicalities.
I managed it then and for my Mother but not alone. I’m a Christian and people tell me I’m not alone now, that God has me in the palm of his hand. All I can say is that it feels like freefalling in terror through empty space. Also, if it isn’t blasphemous to say so ( perhaps someone can help me here) God doesn’t take out the bins, lock up at night, find a plumber when I have a burst pipe, mow the lawns or pull out the weeds. God has His arms wrapped round me I’m sure but I can’t feel them.
I’m not short of the odd, brief hug now and then. I’m short of being held.
God bless us all.
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@Prof Totally agree with you. I’ve had so many things go wrong; lights, taps, car etc. I’ve never had to deal with any of this! (my lovely brother has been on bin duty!) I know my Martin would laugh at me, as I did manage on one occasion to take the bins out, it was when we had snow; I slipped and tripped!! Luckily it was around midnight with no one around! I was so cross I ended up kicking the bin! I’m sure if my neighbours witnessed my break down they probably thought “ Oh, that’s that poor girl who lost her husband!”
I’m a Roman Catholic and tbh, not sure if I believe anything anymore? I’m sick of people telling me “God won’t give you something you can’t handle!”
Utter nonsense!!
Big hugs
Dottie x🌹
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@Bekind absolutely agree with you… just so sad and unfair that we find us here on this site. I know people who have lost their love ones suddenly and months of illness and no way is better especially for the love ones who are left leading this new life. Lots of love Xx
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Oh, Dottie, you have hit the nail on the head.
I’m forever being told I’m strong, brave and God knows I can do it. It saves them from having to worry about me if God is taking care of it.
You made me smile with your description of kicking the bin and slipping over in the snow - pure Monty Python or perhaps Basil Fawlty. At least you didn’t grab the branch of a tree and start thrashing it! As well as smiling, tears fell as I felt for you, in the dark and snow and struggling with something that has been the man’s province ever since bins were invented I think. There are so many times mine don’t go out because I have mobility problems and no neighbour has offered. I don’t really blame them because they have their own to see to.
Take heart if you can, at least from knowing that we all feel the same about struggling with tasks we hardly knew existed until there was no-one else here to do them. If my husband had been left, he’d have been completely at sea with all the I.T., financial affairs, correspondence and so forth because I saw to all that and enjoyed it. Now it’s different. I still do it but don’t enjoy it because I know that all the other chores are piling up, all the things he used to get one with, swiftly, competently, seemingly effortlessly and which are now such a nightmare for me.
Thank you all for being there. I have written an awful lot today because there is so much pent up inside that needs to get out and you are the only ones who will understand and not condemn me.
God bless you all.
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@Prof Yes! Pure Basil Faulty! I remember being so cross at the bin! I kicked it for a good few minutes! 
People say things like “ God will give you strength “ etc. I agree with you, it’s makes THEM feel better! Nothing will make US feel better, we have been thrusted into a life we didn’t want and don’t recognise.
I find my life now so difficult, nothing to plan for, nothing to look forward to, detached from the world, everything and everyone seems so different, living in the past…
Goodness, it’s not living is it? We are just existing…
Big hugs
Dottie x🌹
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Hi all .Another shit day its like Dottie said nothing to look forward too that for me is the hardest thing .We all need something .im very alone now my partner died 5 weeks ago after a 15 month battle with lung cancer bless him .we did every thing together.my family live in ireland .Apart from one good friend who has a busy life im on my own .Dont drive so carnt get anywhere so this is my future .A future i wouldnt wish on anyone .my partner was only 68 he lloved life .When they told us last october chemo wasnt working no more treatment .Heart broken i remember saying its too soon but it always would be to soon .He still fought till april he didnt want to leave me . Every day has someone said is a shit show .Thanks for been there .xxx
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@Hope5 I am so sorry to read you also lost your love… there really are no words that can help or indeed make you feel any better.
I’m 9 months and 12 days into this nightmare.
All I can suggest is, keep posting and reading other members posts, it does help to know you are not alone. I’m the only one in my group of friends who has lost their love ( my Martin was only 47) so no one understands! People here do…
Big hugs
Dottie x🌹
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Dear Dottie,
You have actually made me laugh aloud. I’m not being cruel, just empathising because my neighbour texted ne on night ( think snow) to ask me to tell my emergency plumber, who was deftosting my boiler, to move his van incase it slid into one of their cars. My house was frozen, I was in bed with bronchitis and there was room to drive a minibus between his van and their gates. I felt like kicking her! Instead, I got out of bed, pulled on boots and coat and went out to supervise a move of one foot.
Yes, my dear, life is just existing.
I wish some of us could meet because it would be just so wonderful to be in the company of only people who are on the same wavelength.
I shall now go and make my tea but the image of a frail little lady, first wrestling with a bin as big as she,both toppling and then the bin getting a good kicking for its pains, is going to stay in my head.
Whenever I’m so low that I just want out, I’m going to try to say to myself, "The bin needs a d’m’d good kicking!
Bless you and I hope it did you good to get your own back on something.
Sending my best hug.
God bless.
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Hi dotty and thanks there is no words has you say but just to know we are all here to talk with every day is so important .Im sorry for your loss too so young hugs to you too xx
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