Ah @Prof Im so glad I made you laugh/smile a little! 
yes, itâs the worst situation ever! I do try at times to pull up my big girl pants! Sadly, this doesnât always work!
At times, I picture my Martin in my head, think to myself, what would he do? I tend to go from there! Iâm not always right, but I do tryâŚ
Big hugs
Dottie xxđš
@Hope5 thank you for your lovely words. I agree, my Martin was only 47, we had our whole lives mapped out; this year we were planning a move to the countryside ( we had so many properties booked marked ) I struggle with this every day, it all feels so pointless now.
Sending you a big hug.
Dottie xđ
Iâm sorry to hear about your wife I was also present when my husband passed away I was also traumatised by it itâs terrifying I miss him so so much your not being selfish at all your grieving for your wife although your glad your with them in their final moments it hurts so bad at the same time so donât beat yourself up for feeling sad so sorry for your loss xx
Im so sorry for your loss. This is the first time i have read that someone else has gone through the same as myself. Where well meaning family say that to you. But i myself was so gartfull that my wifey tre had passed in my arms. But like you said the nightmare living seeing the person you love in so much pain asking for help knowing you couldnât do anything to help at all. When i close my eyes i see her struggling and i couldnât get that last minutes of her life out of my head. She held on until her children left & they didnât have to see there beautiful mother leaving us all.
I did believe i was the only one, naively thought i had gone through this by myself. But i can see how many people like yourself and me have gone through this unspeakable pain and loss.
I know itâs the hardest thing Iâve ever been through I lost my father 8 weeks pryer to cancer both me and my husband were present there to then 8wks later my soul mate was taken from me sometimes I donât even want to get up in the mornings and I know this sounds selfish but I can wait to be by his side Iâm so sorry for your loss I understand the pain your going through pls donât think your alone because your not sending big hug x
Hi Mike
Your certainly not on your own. I almost wished if my husband had to leave me he would go quickly without so much pain. It is a nightmare that we will have to live with. Their pain is our pain now because we felt so helpless and unable to help them.
Pat
xx
Hi, Bob if this trauma is causing you no end of pain please consider emdr therapy. My daughter died suddenly (it was traumatic having to give cpr and delay of ambulance. Left me with a lot of anger and ptsd. Please seek this therapy out it allows you to grieve without the trauma being brought to the surface every time and all the emotional anger and stress which goes with it. It has been a game changer so to speak for me.
@Gookygal so sorry for the lost of your daughter. How awful for you that you went through this. I lost my husband suddenly. He was 53. My son age 22 years and myself went through the same as you. My son rang me to say that dad had collapsed and time I got home he was gone. No ambulance as yet. I did CPR until the paramedics arrived. I try to tell the flash backs to go away and my son is having less but do worry that triggers will set him off in the future. X
Thank you. Iâll see if itâs available in my area
Please try and find a reputable emdr therapist if I had not had this therapy I might not of been able to carry on with my job as an anaesthetic practitioner. Cpr is the mainstay of it. The treatment does not let you forget but itâs the emotion/anger which is removed , I was very cynical to begin with but was open and after just two sessions the anger is removed (however it is done). It has allowed me to grieve for my daughter without this intrusiveness of that particular event. The treatment is very effective for veterans with ptsd.
@Gookygal thank you for your replyâŚyes I am thinking of looking into it as sure we have PTSD but also have so much guilt which keeps going around in cycles. X