*Hi everyone. I havent posted on here for a while. It is now 10 months since my husband of 45 years died. I am still upset, angry, sad and full of grief still. I keep thinking is this ever going to stop. I have good family and friends who have supported me. The trouble is as soon as i am on my own the grief takes over and i cry myself to sleep and awake the same way. I feel my life is worthless and so lonley. I dont want to feel morbid and unhappy all the time. I just dont know what to do. I just feel is the way i am feeling normal. I have had councelling but just for short term. I was told i was suffering pts because of the nature that my husband died. He had cancer and the last weeks before he died was horrendous not just for him but for myself watching and caring for him. It was so upsetting and sad. It killed me watching my lovely strong brave husband suffer so much. It haunts me to this day. Thanks for listening. I needed to write it down. Love to all
I know how you feel my husbands ladt days were horrendous and it’s like a never ending gilm in my brain constantly reliving every minute of it. I see his face and his panic and how scared he was and I can’t cope with it .
So sorry for your loss. It is terrible isnt it. You find that your thinking about what happened in the last days and moments then your upset again. It is never ending. I keep trying to snap out of it but then the thoughts come back.
So sorry for your loss I glad you have written down how you feel , you will never forget your husband and that’s what I’m going through at present my husband was a strong man like yours and kept working nearly right up till he died of cancer after being told he had 2 weeks to live . We watched him waste away and I cared from him for those two weeks
Like you I cry at bed wake up and today have spent most of it crying .friends and relatives just don’t understand if one more person tells me I’m doing well or it’s good your keeping busy .
We have had our futures completely taken away he was only 57 it seems so unfair . People just expect me to carry on and forget him but I can’t. Sending you a big hug x
Oh i am so sorry for the loss of your husband. I agree with you. Its like having your whole world come tumbling down. It makes no sense cause you still want to see them and talk to them and you cant. I suppose it is hard for others to understand but i do, cause like you i have been through this awful time and now there is nothing but emptyness. People say that to me keep busy , go out etc etc. But it is still there isnt it as soon as you come back in. It hits you like a hammer. The house is empty and lonely again. Sadness and crying is how i am at present. Thanks for the hug and its returned to you too
So sorry for your loss i lost my partner aged 42 12 weeks tomorow im really struggling at the moment when my daughter is out of sight or im alone i just break down and cry i want him back i miss him so much and he shouldnt have left me like this it hurts i have the dr ringing me tomorow and am.going to ask about councelling im struggling to come to terms with whats happened x
Keep Bering told be busy I am so busy being busy all the time. I’m exhausted but my mind is still working overtime. I don’t want to go out because coming home is too painful. He was always waiting for me asking how it went who was there or what did I buy. Now nothing but emtiness and loneliness. Can’t sleep but so tired. My friend said if you keep turning dow invitations you won’t be invited anymore. Who cares have nothing I want to go out for. I’m even by personal hygiene has gone I don’t bother bathing anymore. I just don’t care if I’m dirty .
Hi Eileen -I think its good to get our feelings out .Your post could have been mine–I watched my husband get weaker and nursed him and the last weeks were very hard and how could we not get PTS from watching our loved ones die like this. How can others that haven’t lost someone understand what our life is like now and how lonely it is when we come home and our husband is not there.I too like 1967 and Gerbil am sick of people telling me to keep busy or that im so brave–I know they are trying to help but they go home to their loved one and we don’t and the overwhelming sadness rolls in. Sending strength to all on this post x
Hi, Thanks for your kind words. Yesterday all i could think of was how i was missing my hubby and also how he was missing out on life. I know it hasnt helped with the Virus and lockdown. But it did give me time to reflect and get my thoughts together, and i didnt have to bother about seeing other people. I just took my dog out a couple of times a day and just stayed at home. It is different now. I am going out to the shops and seeing
family too. I go to the sports centre and socialise at a distance with friends. It all helps. But I have to come back home. It is empty and quiet and no one to pass time with and chat and watch tv with. We are all feeling the same and it is terrible. Thinking of all of you going through the same
Your post sounds so familiar. I was exactly the same. I did have councilling. The lady was lovely to talk to and very understanding. It might help you talk and get things off your mind. It did help me a bit. But afterwards when it was over after 8 phone sessions ( in Lockdown) I thought later well really it was just her job and that was it. Go and see your doctor too, sometimes they can give you something just to calm your nerves and help you cope. I took something just short term and i found that helpful. Really it is up to ourselves i suppose to just carry on and cope. It is very hard and a lonely life when your use to having someone there with you all the time. It is going to take all the strength in the world to get through. I like you cry all the time to. So sorry you are so sad. Hugs to you
Oh I do feel for you and i can here the emotion and sadness in your voice. Maybe it is too early for you to go out and socialise. Do it when you feel much stronger. You will. Your friends are a pone call away so please keep in touch even if it is a quick hello. You must look after yourself and im sure you will feel much better if you do. Have your bath before bedtime, it may help you sleep too. Hugs to you and please remember your not alone.
Dear EileenUK, My name is Herb - I’m from the states (as you Britishers say) — I came on this site some time last fall 2019. I have been blessed with many well wishes from most of you on this site. I wanted to write and tell you I am so sorry to hear of your loss – and you know what??? I feel the same way you (yes, I’m a guy, but even guys have feelings too) — I’m just trying to move on like you - my wife died suddenly last November 2019. I am numb at times and don’t feel like doing too much of anything socially - just keep myself busy doing chores around the house. I am going thru the same thing as you are — you are not alone and I hope the best for you. Please remember, we all care!
I echo your sentiments exactly. I think is this it for the rest of my life. I can’t see a future.
Hello Herb, Thanks for your reply. My husband died last November too. I cant believe it is 10 months ago although i Know it is ages since i have seen him. It kills me to think i am never ever going to see him again, but i know i have to keep going for my family who are so dear to me. It is so hard at times and some days are worst than others . I just hope it gets easier with time . I am going out and about trying to carry on not quite as i did before, going sports centre, shopping, picking grandchildren up from school etc and generally keeping busy. It is the quiet times that get to you. This covid virus lockdown makes things doubley difficult for everyone and moreso when your grieving for someone that you have lost. Thank you for your kind thoughts . Bless you all
Dear Gerbil, I understand what you are going through. I still think the same as you. Will this sadness never end. I just take it one day at a time and try to get through until the next. Just keep talking . We are all here to help each other.
Thank you Eileen. Some days I don’t think I will make it through till morning
Hi Eileen, I cant tell you how much your post says everything im feeling, your story almost mirrors my own, and i feel the exact way as you do. I too have awful flashbacks to the last few days, my husband died within 7 days of getting a simple infection on his leg that rapidly turned to sepsis i feel we went fron 0- 10,000 in 2 days from admission to hospital to being on life support in ICU. Tonight has been horrible, it is our wedding anniversary this weekend and the anxiety of the date has been building all week. It is so reassuring to hear that im not going mad, that others are in the same situation, trying to deal with this first year has been horrendous added to current situation with covid19 its like a nightmare that never ends. I was so low tonight it was if i was meant to read your post, i wont try to offer you any words of advice, because there are no words that can make you feel better. One of the things I miss the most is , the me i was when he was here, i dont feel i will ever feel happy again. Just getting through one day at a time. Xx Take care
Hello again EileenUK,
I read your reply today- thank you for writing back. It is hard to move on - especially when your loved one is no longer her. I am no stranger on that at all. Hardly a day goes by, when I wish, with all my heart, that my wife were back with me. (I do miss her very much). But for me, this is a time that calls for courage (I’m no hero, but I am trying to move on as you are). I live each day trying to remember how my wife (Mickey) lived it. She loved animals, artwork, her grandchildren and me. She was a kind person (I told her once I did not deserve her – she responded back by saying "Yes you do deserve me! I try to fill in the blanks, and try to reach out to family - sometimes they don’t respond - but I believe this is what she would want me to do - how can I dismiss that? I have invited her 2 sons to my place where i had a photo of her put in a frame to give them. I believe both of her sons appreciated the gesture. I told them that I believed she was the best thing that ever happened to me. This is all I can do for now - I do not regret it. Yes, Eileen, we all care and maybe there isn’t much more than that we can do but our hearts reach beyond the ocean (at least in my case). I hope we will hear back from you again. We both lost our mates in November, so I will remember it as you will. I hope you will feel better as time goes on. Every day I try - I hope you will too!
Eileen. Thank you for honestly sharing your struggles. Wy wife died suddenly of Pancreatic cancer on July 25th.lockdown did not really play a part. The events were quick but the recovery is not if ever. I am 52 we were married 28 years. This week me and our son have come on holiday (was prebooked before anything happenrd) and fulfilled her wishes and place for scattering her ashes and then spent time remembering places with Annette. More like walking round in a daze.
I Can’t see our old friends due to isolation rules in the area. I am taking courage that this is a difficult Time and many are still going. So blessed to find this site. People who really get ir
Hi Jacqui, Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I know exactly what you are talking about. I dont feel the same either. | have just been out to go to the local shop. I felt just like i was in a cloud. I got what i needed and then came back home , my eyes filling with tears walking along the street. I was looking at everyones home and thinking they have all got their families, they feel safe and secure. I dont feel that anymore. That is when it hits me, i am on my own now, My hubby isnt here, he isnt waiting at the door to make sure im home ok. This is it and i have to deal with this lonely life myself. So i get home lock the door , and burst into tears again. I keep thinking its daft stop doing this. But it keeps happening. Will it ever stop. It is a living nightmare. I wish i could wake up and as you said just be happy again. Love to all xxx