I get told that as well
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My husbands ashes are in the woodland walk at Yeovil crematorium. As I am housebound there seemed no point in a headstone. My funeral plan is fir my ashes to join his.
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Pudding, my father in law is there too. My sister in law looks after it. Roger was cremated but his ashes were interned. Kev was buried because he wanted a natural burial with a tree planted on him. You don’t have a grave stone but he had a plaque on his grave and on the bench nearby where I can sit with a flask of tea and talk to him. It is beautiful there. On a good day you can see across to Glastonbury Tor. Yeovil cemetery is actually kept very well
The interment took quite a while after the funeral. Unlike this year the ground was too hard. At least we had time to discus what he wanted for his funeral. I feel for those whose partner dies very suddenly without that chance. He wanted to be cremated with a Christian ceremony and a hymn people could join in with. Always wanted Albatross played. This was his recessional. Wanted his wake at Masonic hall. The brethren couldn’t have been more helpful. Unlike my BIL but that is another story. He would have liked being buried in a woodland setting.
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Despite his sudden exit Pudding, I knew exactly what he wanted as we had discussed it. We are both non religious and we had a lovely service in the “ barn” there ( a beautiful room with glass windows looking out across Dorset/ Somerset) I knew the music he would have liked - Stone Roses “I wanna be adored” to go into, Joy Division “ love will tear us apart” and to male everyone smile Blue Oyster cult “don’t fear the reaper” to go out to. My middle daughter did the Eulogy which had everyone laughing, and the celebrant was amazing. We had motorbikes escorting us from Dorchester to Corscombe and the barn was packed. I am proud of our families who made sure he had a good send off! My granddaughter Maisie (5) still tells me now how much see enjoyed grandads “ going away party” She was only at the wake, not the actual service. Sorry I have babbled on but it is actually quite therapeutic to talk about it x
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I agree. The service was well attended with more watching online. Brothers in arms going in. My brother is a published poet and read the poem he had written for his own funeral. Norman’s brother read the eulogy. Norman loved jaguar cars. He had owned 3. It was purely coincidence that the hearse was a jag. My niece moved so that she was sat beside me and held my hand throughout. Even our financial advisor cleared his schedule to attend.
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I very much agree. In the early days after losing my husband, someone at my art group referred to him as my ex-husband … I already disliked this person but this time, if looks could have killed….
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I have heard this also, some people have no idea. I just said that it is not a diet I would recommend. That shuts them up
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Likewise, I stopped believing as a teenager when my baby niece died .
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My worst one was " first your husband now Stephen, you’re bad luck for a man to be around" . It was a platonic male friend who said it. I no longer have a platonic male friend!!
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I know when people say I am being strong they are often trying to be encouraging. But I agree, what other choice is there?!!
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Bloody hell! Some men just don’t know when to keep their mouths shut.
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This is true!
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Another classic - from a female married “friend” who doesn’t always engage her brain before coming out with inappropriate stuff - was “Of course, you won’t be getting any more dinner invitations now.”
When I asked why, I was told “ Because you’ll be after all our husbands.” I was stunned, all I could think of to hit back with was “I might be on my own but I’m not THAT desperate.”
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Shame that you didn’t say it. I would have!
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Oh I said it alright!
The same person asked (with a smirk) on February 13th what I’d got planned for the next day.
I said, Have a think about what you’ve just said and stared her down. She replied Oh X (mutual friend, divorced) thought it was funny. I snarled Well I don’t.
Absolutely no empathy. I do wonder now why on earth I bother.
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I have enough guilt over my Husbands death, I spent 6 weeks talking to Cruse trying to rid these thoughts, for so called friends to make them come flooding back. I walked out the restaurant, known them for 40 years not heard since from them
Feels like a double bereavement.
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Things people say…
“I think you need more counselling”
“You do know you’re not well, don’t you?”, “No, don’t, you’ll set me off”, and “cheer up”.
I sometimes feel u should talk about my partner, but not talking about him feels worse, like he was never here.
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This has been one of my most difficult challenges. I think society is just so grief averse that it’s a topic people don’t want to spend too much time on. Until it happens to them. I live in the US so not sure about how it is elsewhere, but it’s a problem here for sure. It just makes you feel worse. I only share the loss of my spouse w/ a few people, but even w/ them, I think they just don’t get how difficult it is. It affects all facets of your life, day in and day out. I’ve always been an independent person, too, but it’s still difficult.
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“My husband died” are awful words to say, but my husband died. So, I say it.
If I had gone first, my husband would be fishing with buddies already. I am not waiting to live again and neither should you.
I have worn my ring since the day we married and never taken it off. There is no reason to remove it now. He is still my husband, my only one forever and ever and I wear my ring because he put it on my finger and it is a permanent symbol of my life.
Trying to have a good day. it is a choice, really.
Peace be upon you.
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