Well the widows brain fog must be easing for me. My financial advisor sent me a cash flow that predicts when I would run out of money based in standard market assumptions. Apparently I go broke around 97. But the tables say I will die in my 80’s. I could read it and thoroughly understand it and query a few things. I certainly couldn’t have done that even a couple of weeks ago. It did make me teary as Norman and I would have gone through that sort of report together and discussed it at length. Now no one to discuss it with except my financial advisor. It took me back to what I did when I worked and happier times. I am sure I will have more bouts of brain fog but at least today it has cleared and shows hope for the future. Xx. Sandra
@Magz I totally agree. I too have decided to swim but still flounder a bit. I see you live in Fife. I’m not too far away in Dundee
It is good to read a positive message
@tykey, forgive yourself first is just what I needed to read. Thank you so much.
Good luck @AnnieG1. Its not easy to forgive ourselves, but when I really kept thinking about it (and asking for advice from friends I can trust ) ,the things I was trying to forgive myself for weren,'t anywhere near as bad as I was telling myself.
Does that make sense?
Never forget we are only human, and all make mistakes.
Wish I could forgive myself and not keep going around in circles with this guilt. X
Hi @Hazel.1966. 6 weeks is a very short time. It took me something like 9 months to forgive myself, and at the same time forgive Penny for anything she did to hurt me. I talked to her many times about it (I sit and talk to her every day,!). Since that time it’s almost never a topic.
Its hard work, requiring a lot of honesty with ourselves. Here is an article which explains it FAR better than I could. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-angry-therapist/202309/how-to-forgive-yourself-and-others#:~:text=Self-forgiveness%20involves%20acknowledging%20our,it%20is%20a%20daily%20practice.
tykey, hiya & thanks for that link. Very helpful.
Thanks @Scamp1 . I hope you find it really helpful.
On a general point,
I see lots of posts on here about people who want therapy, But find themselves having to wait for months for appointments.
I read one earlier about someone wanting CBT and having to wait 21 weeks for an appointment via the NHS.
There is a huge amount of self help on the internet, or books.
All we need to do is look.
tykey, yes the wait it too long but you’re right, there is a lot out there. I think we all feel guilt on some levels about what we did or didn’t do. We can’t change any of that & have to learn to live with it & move forward. No, not easy & we have to work at it. I’m sure we’ll get there. I’ve had a couple of tough days where i’ve struggled but i’m sure it’ll pass.
Yes, there are things we did, which we wish we didnt! Plus there are things our partners did, which we wish they didnt.
Its unfair that we forgive them, but not ourselves. Certainly in Penny and my issues, the reasons are clear, but these reasons took a long time to realise.
When I did work it out, ie we were both as bad (or as good) as each other, relative peace descended on my mind.
@tykey thank you for your support…it’s actually 9 months tomorrow…died suddenly and unexpectedly 7 days before Christmas day. I just keep going around in a cycle of guilt. Miss him so much xx
The problem is with the apathy that comes with grief. I just dont have the energy or inclination to look. It’s amazing we actually have the energy and inclination to ask for counselling. At least this is true for me. The rest of my energy is taken up with trying to find ways of doing everyday tasks.
I lost my wife last year, we didn’t have many friends, we live quite remote, and I don’t see many people, here, the last person I saw and spoke to was on Friday dinner time over two days ago, apart from our children who don’t live near me, I am very lonely without my dear wife who I knew for 43 years
Hi again @Hazel.1966. I just came across something I remembered from my therapy for ptsd, which is also very useful for getting rid of unwanted thoughts. Your stress bucket may well be overflowing. Its a brilliant modern concept, which I learnt during hypnotherapy.(not using this lady, though)
You might be interested in this. What is the stress bucket? | Gin Lalli blog
Another success. I have managed to de ice my freezer. And rearrange some stuff from the other . Delivery on Saturday to restock and give me more choice otherwise I would be living on sausages and bacon. My husbands bulk buying strikes again.