They gave me his ashes today.

My part/hubbys are sitting beside the chair he always sat in facing the tv. Only thing now isci control the remote. I have had to learn to use that as well as was only ever given them if he couldnt find anything😊
I have decided to wait till my time comes and then have mine and his ashes scattered together. I like the idea of an old oak tree as these are my favourite. Or a large willow.

Lovely idea, keeping Malcolm at home feels the right thing at the moment. Yes, the remote, same here and I had to find out how to find catch up and the iplayer, not to mention can’t access the online banking, no clue. He was the technical one! Take carex

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Hi Dave
My husbands ashes were scattered in the grave of his grandparents. It was also a very old cemetery with no more burials allowed but I approached the bereavement department and they kindly had a section of the grave taken up, just a few inches and his ashes were scattered and turf was replaced. I had to pay a minimal amount for this service but worth it. A few friends and family members attended, and I was able to say a poem dedicated to him. I have some of his ashes in a small urn at home and a locket with a photograph and his ashes also. The ashes in the urn and the locket was kindly dealt with by the Funeral Directors.

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Bjane
I am very much still a work in progress with all things.
I am in no hurry to do anything it will be as it is life is going to fast and I would like to slow it down with a big time out. I get asked would you like me to do it but I will learn and I will take what time I need. I believe this will probably take the rest of my life dont much like tv and technology anyway. Give me a field surrounded by oak and willow and I will be at home for sure. As long as better half is with me in heart mind and spirit I could stay forever

So right tilwemeetagain, there’s absolutely no hurry to do anything. We can take everything at our own pace and just do what we are able to, when we feel we want to . I love to be out in the countryside and find it so soothing and therapeutic, also love gardening when the weather permits. There’s so much to do in the house but it can wait, nothing’s. vital and that’s quite a calming feeling after what we’ve all been through. Look after yourself x

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Bjane
Couldnt agree more love gardening as it is my job so I get paid to do what I love to do. I love to transform the garden into a pretty piece of art whilst allowing nature to sit alongside doing its own thing.
Love the peace in my mind that comes with it

We all have different ideas about the ashes of our darlings. I feel I should keep his intact and scatter everything together. The main thing is we do what makes us feel comfortable. We also loved gardening and made a new garden in our new house during lockdown. Since his death it is blooming like mad. All the roses have a huge amount of flowers on them and they were not supposed to flower until next year as they were delivered bare rooted. My friends say he has made them bloom for me. :revolving_hearts:

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He must have done , John’s wife. Some very barren strawberries and raspberries have been producing beautiful fruit this year. Terrible last year, Malcolm was going to dig the strawberries out! Just shows!! :two_hearts:

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Hi so sorry for your loss i too am 36 but lost my partner of 42 through alcohol related liver disease hurts so much he left me and our 11 year old daughter this way but i loved him so much and dont know how i will get through the rest of my life wirhour him :sweat:

Hi all my wife passed away 7 weeks ago with Metastatic breast Cancer she was only 51 & we have a nearly 14 year old Daughter.
I have never experienced pain & heartbreak like it we both miss my wife so much I struggle with my emotions.
I decided to get a casket for Tanya’s ashes that has got personalised photos of the 3 of us & yes like other people have said it is heartbreaking seeing them but I have decided to keep them at home until it is my time then I have told my Daughter to what she likes with us as long as we are together.

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So sorry for you and your daughter i feel your pain stay strong x

Bjane just reading through the comments after stopping for a while. I too have my hubby’s ashes on the bedside drawers, I find such comfort in having him with me. They are still in the box until the urn arrives, I stroke it and talk to him when I walk by. I have slept much better with them in the bedroom. I,m hoping the urn I,ve ordered is strokeable. I can’t imagine parting with them now. xx

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I collected Frankie’s ashes last Friday. I still have his dressing gown on the back of the bedroom door so have started wrapping it round the urn and cuddling in. Have I lost the plot? Probably

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Blue I think that’s perfectly normal. I had a teddy made out of the throw my hubby was laid on, I talk to ted as though he is my husband. I also go and talk to his photo in the shed. That’s where I usually have a good bawling session as well. If the neighbours heard me I think they would think I am crazy, I don’t care though I can feel the urge to bawl my eyes out building up inside me so off to the shed I go.
I,m 9 weeks down this awful path and I have had 2 days so far without crying. Hopefully i will have some more none cry days, it’s exhausting.
From one mad person to another, take care xxx

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Hello Toondale and Blue, here’s another mad person to join you! Obviously we’re not sleeping well either! Malcolm died at the end of April so I must be further along this terrible path. It’s so reassuring to know others feel the same about keeping ashes close, and talking to them. Never could I have imagined doing such a thing until this happened , what once would have seemed macabre and strange is now very normal and so comforting. I understand about bawling in the shed, I usually get myself into the shower and cry and rail at the world, like you I can usually feel when it’s coming on. But not quite so often now and I’ve found the non crying days are a bit more frequent , more of a heavy sadness and unexpected short lived teariness So I suppose I’m saying that things very gradually do seem to get a little bit better, some sort of acceptance and resignation seem to take hold and my thinking has become a bit more rational. But that gaping hole feels like it will never be filled and I wish I knew how we can fix that , not being alone with these feelings in the middle of the night certainly helps though. Sending love xx

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I keep the urn on Frankie’s side of the bed. When I feel the need I light a candle and write in my journal with some relaxing music on. When I brought him home I hugged him so much and broke my heart. I don’t cry everyday now but when I do the noises that come out are unbelievable. We are all different but united in our grief. We should do anything that helps us to heal💙

Me too, Blue, so I can reach out and touch him if I wake in the night. Slowly and surely we’ll somehow get there, we have to don’t we x

Yes we do bjane and we will eventually :blue_heart:

Hi blue and bjane, my husband was called Malc as well, special men eh.
I just want things around me in the bedroom at the moment, I still have difficulty looking at photos though, they just make me cry, I have one under my pillow though.
This is a hard journey for us and one I never realised was so painful. It makes me look back at others who lost their partners in the past and I really had no idea what they were going through.
This site has been a godsend particularly right at the start, we all know the pain and heart wrenching time we have to go through. xxx

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Hi Toondale. So many Malcs, who knew?!! Yes special men indeed, Like you I have realised that I have not been a very good friend when this has happened to others, we just have no idea of the excruciating pain , how this isn’t like any other bereavement. At least I can do better in the future. Hope you’re feeling ok , Sunday can be such a miserable day. Sending love from one Malc lover to another! xx