Hello all, I too am very up and down. It is 18 weeks today since Gerry died. He was a bit of a hoarder and on Wednesday I have someone coming to collect all his videos, for his video shop, and Thursday someone comes to take away a lot of papers for recycling plus a load of absolute junk!!! All his academic books have gone to a good home and then I have to divide up his vast Everton collection. Yesterday I sorted through his tools which felt heartbreaking knowing he is not here to use them. I think that we all have at least saved them from this fate. One of my rescue cats can see I am crying and is pestering me for attention and I am so glad to have them. I will meet a friend today for a coffee and am sewing up five sets of wedding bears for a young couple that are getting married, they can only have 15 guests and when I think how many we had at ours I feel so sorry for them. Bit of a ramble from me. Take care everyone, Janet xx
Good morning Janet itās early to be awake isnāt it. I seem to manage to sleep til about 5, no matter how late I go to bed. Gerry and Malc sound similar in their hoarding habits
and sorting it all out is horrible. You know it has to be done but it feels intrusive and as if youāre writing them out of history somehow. Two white van men came from our local charity shop and just about filled the van and thereās still more. But I canāt bring myself to get rid of his music stuff, uni notes , clothes. etc. And his shed is bursting at the seams but itās just how he left it, maybe one day Iāll be able to look in their without seeing him at his bench, pottering around, making and mending. Just thinking of it is making me cry. On a happier note, have a lovely coffee with your friend . Iām meeting our son for lunch, heās coming up from London for a few hours which will be so nice. An advantage of working from home, he has no calls today! What a lovely thing to do , making those bears for that poor couple, how miserable that is and how lucky we were to have been able to have a āproperā wedding. Happy days! Have a good dayā¦ Sending lovex
Hi Janet and Bjane,
Please donāt feel sorry for couples having to have small weddings. If they have each other they have everything. My son married his fiancĆ©e six weeks ago. 30 allowed in church, 15 at the meal. My husband who died last November was so looking forward to their wedding but once he could not be there, the size of the wedding became immaterial. However long the event was postponed he would still never be there so they decided to go ahead very much with my blessing. We canāt have him back however long we wait but a party for those who couldnāt attend can be arranged in the future.
Sudden death gives everything a different perspective. Especially in these uncertain times I think āseize the dayā has gained a new importance.
If weād had a thousand guests the only person on all our minds was my husband who would have said ājust get on with it and look after each otherā. Which is what we did. X
So glad you all managed that Jobar, youāre so right about as long as they have each other thatās all they need.I know Iād give up everything to have Malc back, a hard way to learn nothing really matters that much. Take care x
Thatās it exactly. I know weād all give up everything we own to have that special person back. knowing what I know now, what we all know, is that life together is precious and we are never prepared when it ends. With my husband I had absolutely everything I needed. All those extra comforts I was convinced I needed I really didnāt. Oh to have him back. I know you feel the same. Take care. X
I so do, Jobar, I loved designer bags and shoes etc and now I wonder what on earth was I thinking. What does it matter if itās New Look or Gucci, who cares? As Joni so rightly said, You donāt know what youāve got til itās gone , certainly I wish Iād appreciated it more. But itās no good having regrets we just have to try and make the best of it now, for our families. Our son is coming up from London to meet in Leeds for lunch which will be lovely so Iāll stop moaning and count my blessings! Sending love xxxx
Hello Ann, Just saw your post 62/69 and feel just like you do. i tend to forge ahead and keep busy and then panic that Iām trying to blot out my real feelings about future illness etc. I think the darker nights and Covid have really hit grievers this year so maybe we are doing better than we thought. I read recently that there are 3 parts to grieving. There is the loss itself, then the change to our lives, followed by lack of control. We are trying to juggle all this at once. Yes - you are correct IT HURTS. We must stick together through this and be kind to ourselves. Hope you feel better today.
I often wondered why they were taken and we were left. Mike was a nicer person than me and I too would have swapped places if it meant that he could go on living. I agree that there is no way we would have wanted them to go through what we are suffering now. Their pain has ended so we must make them proud of us and uphold their memory as we go towards the future. I feel sure they will be watching over us.
Thank you. I was a little calmer today but a friend has just given me some sad news about her son. Nothing life threatening thankfully, just that he lost his best friend. So I am a bit sad for him right now.
Are you ok? I hope so. Lovely to hear from you.xx
Sorry for your lost
StayStrong
God Bless
Please accept my sympathy. You are in the early, very raw stage of grieving and that is very painful.
My husband died in August 2017 after 5 years of cancer. I got bereavement counselling at that time and it was very helpful. I donāt have any family so it was essential for me, but even if I had, they would have been too close to the situation to be dispassionate. My counsellor was calm, wise, patient and understanding. I recommend it.
One of the most enlightening things that the counsellor said was that grief never goes away, you just learn to wrap life around it. That is so true for me. I am still grieving but I have learned to cope with grief and carry it with dignity. You will too. Give yourself time and permission to do it in your own way.
Nowadays itās so hard to find true love. We toiled for it and found it. Just when we thought that god is kind and life is worth living, all of a sudden it is taken away from us. We are now left in this unrelenting despair. If we havenāt experienced true love it might be better; for us who have saw and felt it, the devastation is unspeakable