My sister died suddenly last year. I thought nothing could be worse than the first year. Turns out the second year sucks worse.
I feel like theres a heavy weight on all our family. My mum, brother, brother in law and myself are thoroughly miserable at the thought of Christmas. We’re pretty much ignoring it. Im going to see my mum 200 miles away but i do that in school holidays anyway (im a teacher). My brother and brother in law are both staying put and alone.
My whole family just feels empty. And its not just appeared suddenly. Its gradually declined over the year, its just more obvious now everything is obnoxiously bright and cheerful.
And my own mood is bad. Lots of tears and anxiety.
I just dont know where to go from here. I feel like whats left of my family is disintegrating. And i feel like i have a dread hanging over my head. My mum is nearly 80, i dont know how much longer she’ll be around. My brother is hiding and we get a text message once a month if we’re lucky. His head is firmly in the sand about life. My brother in law is really depressed and, although he says itll never happen because im his little sister (i was only 12 when we met) i feel like therell be a time he moves on without me.
I think im just more aware that, at some point potentially soonish, im going to end up alone. Im single and no kids. Just me. Thats going to be a lonely place to be.
I just feel like theres a heavy weight on us all. I dont know what to do.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I just wanted to let you know that you have been heard and you are not alone.