Things do get better 🥰

[Katyh]

Good evening,

I just thought I’d share part of my experience of my own grief journey to hopefully help others in similar situations. Things do get better

So as many of you know my Andrew passed away unexpectedly on the 15th April after being together for 18 years, he was my world, soulmate, my absolute favourite person. I could go on forever but those who no know what we have all lost. I found myself at 37 completely robbed of our future 🩷

I was completely distraught and couldn’t see how I would ever feel any better. My world had changed it was a blur, surreal, there was no purpose to anything, I could barely get a shower, some days I didn’t. I couldn’t see anything in the future other than utter grief, dread, anxiety and loneliness. I ate utter crap and felt the worst pain imaginable.

It’s been barely 3 months and I am in a completely different place, my mindset has changed and I can see that I am stronger than I ever thought I could be. I’m no means were I want to be but I know I will get there. We as humans are so powerful we can get through anything, we really can. I want to feel excitement again, see the world and the beauty thats out their for the taking. I want to discover who I am as an “I” and not as a “we” because I lost half of me. I have decided to choose life. We have a choice and have a treacherous journey ahead of us but after what we have gone through we can navigate the 7 seas

I still get wobbles and the awful feeling of dread that hits me but it’s not as intense as it was at the beginning. It comes and it goes and I deal with it.

Today I managed to return to work, I had a little wobble yesterday as it almost felt like I was “moving on” and it was final that my Andrew had gone forever. I was dreading him not checking in with me during the day, the I love yous, the how’s your day babe, thanks for dinner, missing you love, did you get to work ok beautiful, can’t wait for a snuggle when we get in.

Anyway I managed to get it together and go back to work today. I never in a million years thought I would say this but it was great. I loved interacting with real people and everyone was so thoughtful and kind. It is making me feel emotional writing this but not because I am sad with grief but because I know I’ll be ok. It’s really grounding discovering that.

Id also like to thank all of you who have been there for me on here. I honestly would be lost without all of your support, I mean that with all my heart. Thanks for listening to my insanity

I hope this helps someone who is beginning their scary unimaginable journey!

Sending lots of love and big warm hugs to those who need one

[penny6]

Katyh that is so good to hear, I lost my David on the 14th May so I am about a month behind you, but I am slowly slowly starting to get a little better, I have met some new friends on Jollie Dollies widow group and been out for a coffee with them, I have been for a few walks and a couple of days out with family. I still have tears and the feelings of dread but as you say they are not as prolonged or as intense.
I too feel more hopeful of my future, I know I will always feel sad and miss David but I also know I will still live a good life…which David would have wanted me to do.
Glad you are enjoying your life more and you are still very young, I am 64 so hopefully I still have 20 or 30 years left

[Katyh]

@penny6

So glad your getting there to! I just thought I’d share because things do actually get better. You’d have never of thought it at the beginning. I’m really amazed!

I think we have to push through…I could have easily just turned into a couch potato but I really forced myself to get out and about and have family or friends over when all I wanted to do was cry. The anxiety was so bad at the beginning but that has eased a lot, thankfully!

We will make a life for ourselves it’ll not be one we had planned but it’ll be fulfiling I am sure

[zana]

@Katyh

Thank you for your post. It’s really helped me reading your words. I’m only 3.5 weeks since losing my darling Gerard. To read your words and have hope is comforting.

[Katyh]

Hi @zana

Sorry for your loss I’m glad it helped! You’ll get there, I promise xx

[araenia]

Thats great. I lost my husband in may after 54 years and this week i have been feeling good. I got a tattoo the other day, his name on my wrist with a heart and it makes me feel happy… i need to find the positive in things and i feel very thankful that we had so long together and he is not going to suffer any more

[Katyh]

Hi @araenia

Love that you have been feeling good. I was thinking of a tattoo maybe a little heart of something but never had one and can’t decide were

[jody]

Thank you Katyh for such a positive post. I lost my beloved partner suddenly on 21 April and I have been following your journey, as we are on a similar timeframe. Funnily enough I was thinking yesterday that you hadn’t posted recently and thought that was a good sign.
I go back to work tomorrow- I’m partially retired so it’s not full time. I have mixed feelings as whilst I’m looking forward to having something to occupy me other than continual grief, it does feel like I’m moving on ( without him). I’ll miss all the funny and loving texts from him but hope he’s cheering me on.
You have gladdened my heart this morning reading your post, as there appears to be a chink of light at the end of this long dark tunnel. Thank you

[Katyh]

@jody

Aww bless you, you’ll honestly be fine going back. It really wasn’t as bad as I thought though, thankfully!

Yeah not been on much, as feel like I’m getting into a better place that’s why I thought I’d share, cause at the beginning it felt like nothing would ever get better.

Let’s us know how you get on! Good luck xx

[Dublingirl]

What a lovely positive post! I am also feeling much better. I’m 18 months down the line and this time last year, I couldn’t even have imagined feeling like this. I have had dips of course, but on the whole, the bad days are fewer and not so all-encompassing with grief. There is hope. It doesn’t mean you have forgotten them or are leaving them behind. All you are left with is their love and that’s what you hold on to. That will never leave you. Best wishes to you all.

[kyberpast]

I am retired and was Gordon’s carer until care home
I try to keep going by using the rollator into town to the gym
Also U3A groups. Still very lonely I hope to improve and I talk to Gordon

[Katyh]

Good morning @kyberpast

It sounds like you are trying your best

You’ll get there xx

[kyberpast]

Thank you for your support

[Katyh]

Hi @jody

How did it go? Hoping it went well xx

[jody]

Hi Katyh

It did thank you! It’s bitter sweet really. Good to be thinking about something else but also felt a bit disrespectful as felt like I’m moving on without him. He would say don’t be ridiculous! He’d been widowed some years when I met him so he really recognised how you need to live life while you can.
I did find my concentration wasn’t great though. Thanks for remembering xx

[Elite]

Hi@Dublingirl,
Yr post was positive and encouraging- thank you.
I lost my partner 6 months ago, so about where you were this time last year.
Really trying to be positive and always busy but the heartache of losing him is so all consuming .

[Katyh]

@jody

I know exactly how you feel! The Brain fog! I’m usually pretty sharp but not at the moment.

Do you feel like you need to try new things and just not give a shit about anything? I do its strange xx

[jody]

Yes I’m really not bothered about anything much these days. I used to be really organised and get stuff done. Now I just think oh that can wait until tomorrow.
I have done some other things- going to different places with friends where I haven’t been before. But I just want to come home and tell him all about it and say we should go there😔

[Katyh]

@jody

We will get there just gotta keep muddling through Sundays are my worst day cause it was our day but don’t feel as sad anymore, more reflective xx

[jody]

Yes that’s all we can do sadly. Sundays the worst for me too. Everyone is busy doing things and it’s also the day he left me.
Someone said to me the other day ‘if you are going through hell then keep going as who would want to stay there’.