I am in crash mode too, had a walk with my dog came home straight back into freefall. Its an awful feeling of loneliness, frustration, anger, guilt, sadness and to top it i have a headache from hell.
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Iām so sorry to hear that youāre back feeling this way too. These feelings are our constant companions - tissue and paracetamol companies must be making a fortune out of us all. With loneliness so prominent in our list of feelings it sounds like youāve not got much of a parachute to slow your freefall either. Thereās only so many walks you can take a dog on to get out of the house in the hope of finding a friendly face to talk to I guess, no dog here anyway, and I find the whole idea of just walking by myself soul- destroying - just too sad. I need people around me to talk to, even if I donāt want to say anything. Crazy.
Right now Iām trying to decide if Iām going down to Sussex for a funeral in a couple of weeks. Itās many, many years since I ventured that far south!
Iāve never actually met the man, have barely met any of that side of the family in the last 50 years, but somethingās pecking at my head, telling me to go. I wonāt though, Iām pretty sure . As Iām writing this Iām beginning to realise that itāll be far too soon for attending another service. Itās only 8 weeks since my wifeās service, itās too raw, and any tears will be for her, so would just be selfishā¦
Writing this has helped. Thank you. I hope the rest of your day improves.
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@PSHm3 @Sussexlass
I seem to find alot of us seem to have a crash mode coming up to and the weekend. I had a big crash yesterday. We had my partners ashes put in with his dad and I got the news a really good friend of mine had passed away the night before after going for a check up for a chest infection!!! Another kick in the head! And I hate bloody Saturdays. X
I lost my husband of 55 years 2 & a half years ago. He was taken ill in May 22 & passed away Sept 30 th 22. He was at home had Breakfast and then he was gone.
After all this time I still cannot get used to being alone. I have a great family but need new knees so cannot go out alone for fear of falling, not to mention the pain. I am hoping it won`t be to long now to wait. I have always had a dog, but my last one died just before lockdown. I would love to get another one but have to wait until knees are better. Greif is a strange thing, just when you think you are managing ok something hits you and you are back to square one, just as you said. I hope you start to have more good days very soon. x
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Yeah the weekend seems to be for some reason a lot harder. Is it because thatās when stuff happened, time together after the working week? Is it because you see lots of couples out and about? I canāt put my finger on it.
Forgot to say I have to go to a Funeral next Friday & even after two & a half years I am still dreading it x
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@Numb1
My partner passed away on a Saturday. I try just saying the date of the day now. X
Yes, I think you are right. Seeing couples out and about not a care in the world does make you jealous. I hate feeling like that but can`t help it. x
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I do find weekends terrible, another one of not seeing anyone. I try and go for a little walk but canāt manage today, so very tired through lack of sleep.
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It must be tough when you canāt get out and about. My two dogs give me an reason to get up in the morning and go for walks.
Thatās good you have the dogs as they still need their walks. Iām aiming to get out tomorrow. I think tiredness makes everything worse, if itās possible to be worse.
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My husband passed in November and I went to the first funeral last week at the crem same one all I could see was him there and it was awful but this wk have another one which I will go to as itās a cousin but Iām gonna worse going to a funeral than all the time on and off donāt get easier
The disturbed nights sleep and the grieving process does tire you out and I believe certainly doesnāt help with your day to day mood.
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@PSHm3
However admirable it might be for you to consider doing that trip to Sussex for that specific reason, my instinct would advise against it. Itās way, way too early for you. And currently the trip itself, (300+ miles?) would take it out of you more than travelling ever did before.
Iāve just done a 300 mile trip to the south coast and feel like I need to sleep for a month. I also feel like it has knocked me back a lot, which I didnāt need, but there are personal circumstances to that which may not apply to you.
i did it,i went on holiday,had a week with the family helping with the boys(10 and 8)then i flew out to lanzarote to meet friends,i actually felt quite human again,then half way through the week the anxiety returned,āempty house syndromeā when i get back,got bit emotional,and when i got back from the airport last night i felt glad to be home,even if it is alone. today i took myself to the garden centre bought a few new things,made plans to see friends over the next few days. blue sky and sunshine,got to be helping! hoping everybody else doing ok x
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i dread sundays
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Thatās good you went on holiday, itās a start, you might be able to going off again. I also dread Sundays and every day of the week. Very sad to be like this.
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@manb
Well done you! Iām so glad you went away. And also with a bit of anxiety you still managed to come home to an empty house. Iām so glad things seem to be on the up for you and moving forward slowly. I know we all hate most days and try to get through them the best we can. Good luck to you. Xx
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Made it to Colchester and back in one piece, minor scrape to the car courtesy of someone unknown aside. I was going to say back home, but itās really just back to an empty house now.
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yesterday i had messages re memorial garden area and beer festival dedication to him,very honoured that a true gent has been appreciated within the community,broke my heart thoā!
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