Thats what i find so hard too, knowing that this is our life now and it will have to be like this every day.I often feel its like groundhog day and i am just going through the motions.I try my best but its so hard.One think i try to think is that each day that passes is a day nearer to when i will be reunited with my wife, but then i think its another day without her.I cant win!I am glad your son and daughter in law have been helping you in the garden.
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You too Brummy! I can totally relate to everything you say. Hope you have a good night ! Take care
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Thank you Anita.I hope you have a good night too.Take care
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I call the night the nightmare, it is to me, either I donāt sleep and just lie there or I get 3 hours sleep and thatās it, so I have a nap in afternoon to make up a bit, so Iām up everyday at 3am, on laptop or out walking between 4 and 8, Iām ok till comming back about 100 yards from home then the tears sometimes flow, the n out of house at 9,visiting,shopping etc on own or sometimes with friend ,
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Reading all your posts helps me feel connected to all of you going through this this horrible, neverending pain of grief. You are all saying what l feel, living in a strange world where nothing feels right. It is hard to go on l know.
The nights are so painful. I think of you all awake, crying, walking whatever we all do until we eventually fall into a fitful restless sleep or eat for daylight and dread how we get through another day ā¦but we do somehow. Iām so grateful to have this community, I feel itās where l can be totally honest as like everyone else lm putting on a brave face to family and friends. Hope you all get some peace tonight. Xx
Ps. I sleep with my Gordons Tottenham shirt every night ( one of many,) he wouldnāt be happy about Thier situation at the moment! I can almost hear what he would be saying!
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I only sleep a bit every other night,Iām wide awake all night waiting till I can get up, Iām not tired when Iāve not slept just the usual sadness and see what the day brings, Iāve had insomnia for years but this is completely different no sleep
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good morning everybody,i have been reading lots of overnight posts,there is so much pain,raw grief,it has made me realise that at 19 months iam coping better,which means you all will too,ok i still crash,it doesnt take much,this week it was a photograph,its taken me 2 days to shake it off. at least life is more settled with my mother being in a dementia care home now,and the help i have been gifted sorting out her flat,lots to be thankful for. i used to hate āempty house syndromeā then it changed to āmy sanctuaryā when i was glad to retreat to the quiet,after having my family here a couple of weeks ago i feel the house needs to be a home again,inject some life back,so iam going to suggest that my family visit me now and again,i have been going to them every 4 weeks,i think we all felt the break would do me good,it has,it will continue to do so,but i now feel i want them here too,not so convenient for them of course,so it will be interesting to get a response! its 27 days,yes,im counting ,till my much younger friend and i go to corfu,we call it ācare in the communityāor āhelp the agedā it works well for both of us,although she just ādoesnt get itāwhen i have a āmomentāshe thinks i should be āover itā so its āmask onā for 10days,at least a walk alone or a swim allows me to drop my guard,we dont live in each others pockets. the weekend approaches,not a good time unless there is something planned,which there isnt ,what is it about weekends,everybody doing āfamily stuff?ā dunno. take care everybody,virtual hugs to you all. keep typing,it does help. xx
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Iāve aquired a couple of lady friends younger than me on my travels but they want more which Iāve told them Iām nowhere near ready for that, see how it goes more than likely put them off,my sleep does not help my sadness so hopefully it will improve well it cant get worse.
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spike,i dont have the capacity to give anything into another relationship,not that i am considering one ,im 73 and exhausted from the events of the last 2 years. i have had supper and a beer with a couple of adrians old rugby friends,felt so guilty afterwards that i enjoyed their company for an hour or two. nothing makes much sense anymore!! take care spike,i hope a sleep pattern improves,the days are so long otherwise.
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yes thatās the problem feeling guilty,yes very long days
adrian would be mortified if i stopped my social life,holidays with the girls ,thats easy,he wasnt a beach holiday person,he had his rugby/singing,and we had our joint friendship group,which is now āiffyāsome couples dont know to deal with solos,thank goodness for the few who do,you soon find out who your friends are,some have emerged from the woodwork which has been ok,it widens the circle a bit,but its still all too easy not bother,i wait for invites,dont instigate.
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I have come to the same conclusion that I need to make our house a home again
I keep being the one to go away but I would like acknowledgment that Iām worth a visit
So Iām saying that to them as they arenāt mind readers and asking for dates
Also I would like visits where I can talk about things and the house not be gadding around at top speed all the time Quality not quantity
As regards making new friends in the future
I think you do have to be careful because I think some people are attracted to comfort us or we may seek comfort
In these early times we are not our real selves still trying to build our strength after being shattered
I have had to admit to myself this week that I hope I donāt have to live the rest of my life without someone to hold my hand or put their arms round me
Iām going to get on with day to day - sometimes minute to minute dragging my self out of a horrible pit - and leave the future to unfold
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interesting that we feel the same way about being a home again,i have some work done,maybe i feel that this is my home, iam going to address the subject with my family, i have friends who would like to visit,but im not quite ready to be full on entertaining and taking them places,family dont need entertaining and going on a tour of cornwall. one step at a time. im doing it āmy wayā. i said to spike that the last 2 years have exhausted me,my capacity for giving into new friendships,let alone relationships has gone.all the ladies loved a bear hug from adrian,it got a mention in many a tribute, for me it was comforting,enveloping, especially him being a foot taller. im not ready to be enveloped ,unless i put my arms out first? not feeling pressurised?does that make sense? x
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the trouble is finding the right one,Iāve lost 2 now ,first one left me with the kids after 20 odd years,that was hard took over a year to recover then met my wife who was nearly 20 years younger than me,now she gone,what is next on my journey its like my fav song for all the girls Iāve loved before, they all gone girlfriends etc died or Iāll, is this the price you pay as we get older,now Iāll be very carefull when Iām ready but cant imagine been on own,never have been but now the ladies will be older I suppose lol,do not think though Iād ever want one moving in even when I start to feel better thatās if I ever do,at the moment have to go out every day to find peace but still have to come home to a empty lonely house
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i cant remember into this wretched journey when empty house syndrome became this is my sanctuary,its early days for you spike. but you are thinking ahead,let life take you wherever,whenever you will know when its rightā¦says she who really hasnt a clue,but it makes some sort of sense if thats the path you may choose,now i have an ear worm āof all the girls i hav e loved beforeā,makes me chuckle,which is good of course. the sunshines,but its not warm in the cold wind,so im going to sit in the conservatory,book,glass of wine,i have only just recently started having a drink alone,aware of the slippery slope, we both loved our late afternoon tipple,a bottle of wine now lasts 3 days,sometimes it ends up in freezer bag for cooking,i love a glass of real ale(my son has a brewery)and best of all a gin and soda,BUT it doesnt taste the same on my own,as i said,is a good thing,im sure grief and alcohol dont mix. hope you get a better sleep tonight.take care
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just had a sleep 3.30 till 7.30, I can sleep in afternoon but not at night, rather sleep at night but cant so no choice,Iāve got sleeping pills zopiclone but not used them yet.
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at least your resting,be good to get back into some sort of rhythem,but you can only do what your body allows unless you use a zoppy to try and kickstart a regular pattern? i ended up ordering indian take away(for delvery) early evening,so that and 2 glasses of wine i was ready to sleep,whats even better theres enough of the same for today. have a good day
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Ive been quiet since we had the wedding ..my younger sister been diagnosed terminal abdominal cancer ..so its been tough few weeks .im not ready to cope with her loss ..but her and her family have been good to me so i will find the strength.
As a family we have never gone through this before x
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JAH25,
I am so sorry about your sister. I hope you are managing to look after yourself.
Take care.
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JAH25
I am so sorry to hear about your sister.After losing my dear wife i have come to the conclusion life is so cruel.I am forever asking WHY?what have we done to deserve this.It feels like one thing after another.Please look after yourselfx
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