I thought this morning. What a nice sunny day. But that mood didn’t last long. On these nice sunny days John and I would go to the seaside have a cheeseburger and watch the sea. Then I realise he’s not here anymore. I know I’ll never accept John leaving. I’ve been trying for 18 months now but something always comes up and sends me spiralling back down. I don’t know how long I can go on being so unhappy. I’m having counselling at the moment but it doesn’t help neither does any other counselling I’ve had nothing they say helps. John leaving is the obstacle I can’t overcome. I’m not sure I want to try anymore. So many people on here seem to find some help. So why can’t I ? Wishing you all some improvement in your lives. Xx
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Hi Yewtree, I am so sorry to hear your pain. I think we have been blessed to have loved so much but now we are lost without that love. I think one of the problems is when we think of the future, we see ourselves suffering. Just focusing on the day is easier and concentrating on how fortunate we have been, not what we have lost but we have had when so many don’t know what It is to have loved like this.
Wishing you peace
All the best
Tom
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Thank you x
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Thank you her 3 children in their early 30s ..far too young to lose their mum x
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yewtree do we or will we be happy again I don’t know,it sure so far in my journey does not get any better nearly 5 months, ho how I try going out,meeting new people etc it lasts a few mins,hours then it hits you again, do I want to live like this no but what to do its unbearable at times but something so far keeps you going.
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Thinking of you and your family. That’s very tough to deal with, especially after your own huge loss
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Almost 8 months for me and nothing getting better. I can’t come to terms with losing my favourite person in the whole world, my best friend.
Life is shit and I’m fed up of it. The sheer loneliness without him is horrendous. I go out and exercise etc etc but you come home to the empty house. The fun and light has gone out of my life
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Thank you , my husband died suddenly, and after 16 month i still feel the shock of it all..but knowing my sister will suffer ia difficult.
Im just not ready to start grieving again ..i feel like i need to move on from grieving colin which im not ready for ..
Everything i do makes me sad because he isnt here enjoying life x
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Thinking of you and just want you to know that there are so many of us who are on this horrible journey who feel your pain, even though we have never met in person.
I have known deep shock from sudden loss and also deep pain knowing that the end is inevitable. They are both very different situations, even though they have the same outcome. The shock from sudden loss shields you from the reality and the person concerned from pain etc. On the other hand, expected loss although painful to watch, at least allows you to hold the hand of your loved one as they make their final journey. So, as I have said neither is better or worse than the other.
Sorry to waffle on, but I hope that in some small way knowing that people really do care about you, as is very evident from all the responses you have received, will reassure you. You are reaching out to others on here which is a brave thing to do. I have found that there is always somebody who will respond to you and I also find it comforting that I can try to help others, even though I am a great mess myself after loosing my wonderfully kind and caring husband, Nigel.
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I don’t go out very much as I don’t drive and there’s only one bus an hour so getting back home is hard too. My family fell out with me when my dad died in 1998 so much so they never told me mam was ill and was in hospital. I didn’t know she’d died till 3months later when I saw her house was for sale. I wasn’t given chance to say goodbye or attend her funeral.They know John has gone but no one has bothered to pick up phone. I have three siblings but I’m completely alone. It’s no wonder I can’t accept John my best friend and confident isn’t here. I have no future we were so close .
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Dear Yewtree
That is really cruel, and so hard to deal with. How awful that they didn’t even let you know about your Mum. Our own siblings can be the cruellest of them all. I’ve learned that lesson since my darling Ray passed away almost 8 months ago. My sister and brother have cut me off completely, no texts, calls, nothing. They’ve also told their adult children not to contact me. I’m past caring about them now, so I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I’ll never see them again, their loss!
Like you I’m alone now, and the loneliness is awful. I’m 55 and think how am I going to survive for who knows how long in this dreadful pain. A future without my best friend is not something I can envisage or want.
Hope you have a good day, take care x
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Dear Peg2. I completely understand and sympathise with your loss. Why siblings can be so cruel I don’t know. You would have thought they would want to be there for you. I still cannot understand why they believed Chinese whispers instead of talking to me. We were all brought up together and at age 50 you’d think they would know me better and not listen to untruths. As you say we’re better off without them but that doesn’t ease the pain of losing your loved one as well as all your family. All the people in my road all seem to work so there’s no one to call on . Please know I do understand your pain. So please let me know if I can help in any way. I’m always here to talk to. I could even email you as a friend so you wouldn’t feel so alone. My sincere sympathy to you. Xxx Yvonne
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Sorry for your loss and the way you’re feeling but I can relate to that. It’s eight months since my partner died suddenly. I haven’t tried face to face counselling as I really don’t see how a stranger can really understand how I feel. It doesn’t matter how well qualified they are. I’ve read a lot of info about grief online which gives me a better understanding but doesn’t make me feel any better either. I feel I’ve had the most benefit from the Sue Ryder forum as everyone understands and your emotions are validated. Trying to look to the future makes me feel overwhelmed. After 40 years with someone you don’t just move forward. I’ve spent most of my adult life with the person I lost. I know you’re a bit further on than me but I feel I’m getting worse and the sadness and loneliness is deepening as the months pass. I don’t have any children although I do have some family and a friend who I keep in touch with. Take care I hope with some more time our grief might soften a bit.
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My siblings been awful too! So very cruel.
Can’t even say they will understand how very hard this is one day as I don’t think they could ever be loved or love someone fully. Which is probably why they have no compansion for me.
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JAH25,
It’s strange I lost my Dad a month, before I lost Sue, and to be honest with looking after Sue then losing her. I don’t feel like I have grieved for him. Don’t get me wrong he was a great dad, I cried the day he went. The last time Sue made me a drink. I know he will understand. Yet I do feel guilty. I went to his funeral a week after Sue went, I sat with my sisters, that was hard, but of course I was thinking Sue.
Take care.
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Thank you for your kind words.i am really struggling .. cant see any light at the end of the tunnel..
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Its 15 months for me so i do feel i should be a bit better .
Ive been to a family christening today ..been nice till i was leaving and i get the pity face cos im leaving early.
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@Yewtree I really resonate with how you are feeling. Although this is losing a partner I lost my son in February this year. I also have 3 siblings who cut me off years ago.
My son coulfdnt deal with any more trauma and took his life. I wasso close to him and to make it worse we live in different countries but constantly kept intouch.
I describe it as one in a lifetime of traumas and it has broken me. I cant take any more. I dont eat, wash or leave my bedroom. My husband tries to help but i think he knows I given up.
I also suffer from severe depression and this has finished any hope I had. I just cant carry on no matter how I try.
Its hard for others to understand, why would they? I tried posting on the losing a child thread but absolutely noone feels the way I do.
Ive been told its too soon for counselling. It would have to be 6 months post loss …. What can anyone say? I think when you have mental health problems already it feels so much worse.
Just wanted to say this as I understand x
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Dear Hopelessmum
I’m so so sorry you lost your son, it is an awful nightmare for you. I can’t imagine how you feel. As your already suffering with your health I am surprised you can’t have counselling now. Does your GP know how you are feeling? Please keep posting here, rant all you like or just chat with people who understand x
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So sorry x
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