JAH25,
I think we are on about the same time line. Just remember this is your journey and you are doing your best. We can’t judge ourselves with others, as we are all different. Just do what you are comfortable with. I have days where I only cry when I go to bed, or other days where the tears come easily. Do not push yourself if you are not ready. Look after yourself.
Take care.
Dear hopelessmam I like you suffer from severe depression due to various events in my past. John helped me through 53yrs of marriage and his sudden loss has devastated me. I’m no better 18 months later. They are trying to change my antidepressants as the ones I take are no help now. I am still only getting showered when I feel like it and eating rarely. Can’t be bothered I often get up around dinner time as there’s no one in the house except me. I would let your doctor know how bad you are you can’t fight on alone without help. It doesn’t get easier. The loss of your son abroad must have hit you like a juggernaut and left you so low you can’t get up again. Your husband must be trying his best but they just don’t know what to do to help. Actually there’s nothing can do. I don’t know how therapy is supposed to help as the facts don’t change. Your loved one is gone. Please for the sake of your husband try and take the first step by coming out of your bedroom. I have an empty 3 bedroom house to hide in. Don’t lose your husband too by neglecting him. I wish I had mine back. Wishing you strength. Please let me know how you get on. Yvonne
Dear absent As you say your siblings can’t know such great love as you did. They would only try to bring you down and you’re better off without them. Hopefully you will find people who care and understand. There’s nearly always some one on here who is in a similar position and can help. It’s a long unhappy road which comes from loving and missing then so much. Hoping the future will bring a little respite for you. Xxx
Yewtree, i am so sorry what you are going through.You sound so much like myself.This hot sunny weather in a way makes me feel worse.My dear wife and i would be sat in our garden, she loved her garden , her plants and flowers in her pots and containers.I have tried my best to keep them going in her memory, last year was not too bad, this year maybe not so good, i may have planted some too soon before all the frosts had gone, she was the expert, im just a novice.I find there are so many “triggers “ to our grief Yewtree.Anniversarys, birthdays,special days, even the weather.I can just picture my dear wife going out later with her watering can to water her plants.If the weather forecast was good we may go on the train to the north wales coast and watch the sea, we loved beaches, the sea.There is something we found so calming to just walk along a beach, watching and listening to the sea and waves, it can be very therapeutic as can nature generally i feel, but now even going to the coast i would find so hard without her beside me.I too will never be able to accept my dear wife leaving me so suddenly.Its 15 months for me and in so many ways things seem worse.i still cry most days some more heavily than others.The realisation that i will never see my dear wife again in this earthly life, i so hope we all will meet again in our “afterlife”,thats one of the few things that hold me together and to help me try and get through each groundhog day, and thanks to the kind caring understanding people on here too.Grief really is a rollercoaster full of twists and turns, ups and downs more downs than ups i find.Just as we think we are not doing too bad it hits us again and we feel we have gone backwards, but grief has no timeline and direction, it can hit us anytime, anywhere.I am sorry counselling is not helping you.I tied it initially after losing my wife , phone counselling but it didnt really work.Some of my best support and understanding was off the SR site here.People who really understand how we feel as we have all been there and know what we are going through.It is good to “talk” preferably with people who genuinly understand.One of the most comforting people i saw was a vicar last year at a church cafe.I just felt like i needed to talk to someone and who better to understand grief and bereavement than a vicar.I know its not for everyone but i found it so helpful, someone to talk to face to face, someone who took an interst in my dear wife like how we met, how long we had been married.He didnt push religion at me, just listened and at the end said a prayer for my dear wife and i.
When our dear loved one passes it changes ourselves and our lives for ever, nothing will ever be as we so knew and loved.All we can do is our best, take one step at a time, one moment at a time.I like to think our dear loved ones are always with us spiitually, i know what i really want is my dear wife with me physically but i now it cannot be.I am not deeply religious but do have some faith which has been so tested but i wonder if there is more to our life on earth than we ubderstand.Please look after yourself Yewtree, keep posting on here, keep reaching out to us.We all understand what we are going through and there is always someone to help us with their advice understanding and love for us.We will always have that “connection “ to our dear loved ones through our love for them within our hearts and their love will remain with us for eternity that is something not even death can take from us.Hold onto that love Yewtree and i so help it gets you though each day.Look after yourselfxx
Thank you everyone who replied. I feel so bad @Yewtree as my husband doesnt deserve me being like this. Hes all I have and Im terrified if anything happens to him now.
My gp gave me 2 weeks of sleeping tablets. Its so hard to even get an appointment.
I dont know what else to do. Im already long term on antidepressants but couldnt feel worse. I dont mean to upset anyone and I feel I cant take any more but dont want to hurt anyone like Im hurting now. Its like a prison.
Sorry everyone 
Peg2
Its so true what you say, its 15 months for me and things really do feel like they are getting worse rather than better.I still cry most days especially bedtime and coming back to the empty house.To be honest i wonder if i will ever come to terms with losing my dear wife so suddenly.i think this grief will always be my constant companion and that i will just have to try and live with it somehow.my dear wife was my everything, my world, it teared me apart losing her and i feel part of me went with her., whats left i no longer recognise.You summed it up so well, life is crap, and i too have had my fill of this life.Is tis how life has to be now?not even a little joy to accompany our grief?.You are so right its the lonelliness and coming back to the empty house which is so hard.My dear wife was my light in my life and now her light has been extingwished i just feel all i am left with is sadness and darkness and worry.
I so hope things will get better for us.thank goodness for this site and the kind understanding people who know what we are going through.Take carex.
Thank you.. what we are feeling is normal thanks for your kind words x
We are all here for you dear Hopelessmum, no need whatsoever to say sorry. We all want to support you in whatever way we can. X
julie,i was so sorry to read the news about your sister,i could only make a brief reply as i was out and about and having just a quick nose on our forum,as you do! you must feel like you are being kicked back down again,im lost for words,sending virtual hug x
ohh beryl how i agree with everyword you have said to julie @JAH25 the thought of the cancer advancing was my greatest fear when adrian had diagnosis/prognosis,and then the cardiac arrest shock as it was took away my worry and his pain in the blink of an eye,i will never know which is the hardest pain to bare,i cant imagine its worse than this,but iam thankful that i didnt have to watch him suffer,it was a much better end for him under the circumstances,thats the important bit,i was going to be widowed ….how long down that road is something i shall never know. x
Aww thanks ..its colins birthday today .
Thought i would keep busy was supposed to be working this morning and taking my sister out for lunch later ..but cancelled .
Some days you just cant do busy .
How is your mum coping ? X
i think rest is best today,no doubt its hot too,im melting! mother is doing ok in the care home,she refuses to get out of bed,i think at 95 you can do what you like! thanks for asking,appreciated x
Im sat in garden reading got my sons beagle while they are away .
Last year we all went to colins fave indian..but that was hard too .
Its easier to hide away sometimes x
yup,i agree,im not planning on any anniversary reminders this year,last year was adrians 80th,it was my son and 2 best friends,it was tough when everybody left,quiet reflection from now on i think,dont want to do anything that makes me sad(der)x
I am sat in the house to keep out of the heat. My youngest grandson is 18 and he is sat in my garden along with his girlfriend as they are in the midst of A level exams and revising hard. My grandson said to me it is so lovely to be able to relax in this beautiful garden, and there is a great sense of peace here. The garden was Nigel’s pride and joy and it hasn’t been easy to go from being unable to step out of my back door without bursting into tears, to being able to tend it, a lot more weeds than in the past !! but never mind I know Nigel would be so happy that I have made the effort to benefit from it and to know that it has been described by my grandson as ‘peaceful’ especially as all the world around me seems to be so stressed and angry.
Not everyone has a garden I know, however maybe just spending time at a meaningful spot may bring peace over time. We all know that everything we have to tackle is so hard but every time we try is a small step on what for me has been the hardest journey I have taken in my life. Take care everyone.
i love the garden,just me and the birds,its a very mature,look after itself garden ,i dont need to plant anything other than a few pots in spring,and to be honest we had a gardener,ive kept him on. i had a wobble this morning,a lovely friend e mails me every morning,they live in dorset,and she told me where she and bill went for a riverside lunch yesterday,oh my days,it floored me,not only because it is where we had been on frequent visits to dorset,but because she was out with her husband,silly,as she tells me similar stories all the time,but today got me.maybe poor sleep due to the heat,at almost 20 months the tsunami still hits,i say this because there are friends on here who are still very early days,and i feel im doing ok compared with some.xxx
It is true depends on what mood we are in .
Its hard when people tell you what they are upto.i have a friend who cant help tell me all the time what they are upto…i have been avoiding her …otherwise i will snap one of these days .
I completely understand your anger and disappointment at the lack of empathy from some people. I believe that some people either can’t face the fact that there is a certainty that many of them will walk in our shoes one day, or they are selfish. That is one of the reasons I like to read and post on here and be amongst those who really do understand this awful pain. 
I dont have any other friends who this has happened to .
Its hard because you do have to talk about what youve been upto.
I also avoid people who give me the pity face ..i aound a right grump today 
Hi Beryl, I think that a lot of normal conversation with people are quite unimportant. Like talking about the weather or mentioning an item in the news but with us it becomes a very serious conversation about love,death and suffering. Not many people want to go there especially as with us it isn’t a hypothetical question it’s something visceral.
All the best
Tom
