Hello everyone. To be honest I think I have felt more support on here than anywhere else.
At the beginning you feel that you have nothing to give but gradually you gain confidence at being totally honest as to how you feel and shared experiences really do help.
Not having to ‘pretend’ that you are ok when you are definitely not is exhausting, so being able to ‘let it all out’ on here I feel is very helpful.
Today I visited a friend whose husband died a few weeks ago. Already she is saying ‘where are all those people who were at the funeral ?’ Because of this forum I was able to tell her that I have read exactly the same comment on here many times and that she is not alone in how let down she feels. Maybe if I hadn’t been reading and responding on here I would not have realised that many of the things we feel are far from unusual.
Take care everyone and please keep writing and responding if you feel able to. One day it may be you that feels so much better after receiving support and another day you may feel that you are at least helping someone else.
@Beryl1B that was a lovely way to think and very eloquently put that one day we could help and give advice.
@Yewtree I got turned down for counselling constantly as I havent hit the 6 month mark. A place I had been to before accepted me for telephone counselling for 6 sessions as I was in such a bad way.
The counsellor was the same one I had previously so it helped not having to go over my history. She was so shocked my son had killed himself and said herself that I have been through far too much.
It helped me in that she recognised that. We didnt get to talk much as there were a lot of multiple choice form questions to guage where I was mentally.
I like you dont know if it will help as it doesnt change things but I thought I would try as any help is welcome.
This forum has been a lifeline literally. Reading topics and getting others take on how grief affects us is so helpful. Its a way for me to have contact with people when going into the real world is hard.
Hi …,…mum, I think you are right that even if you are not sure the therapy is working just taking that hour a week to sit down and talk about how you feel, what has been going on during the week etc is a good thing. You may find further on it has been beneficial.
I think you are also doing really well in such a tough situation. You are an inspiration.
Wishing you all the best
Tom
so true beryl.i really feel the benefits of being on here,never felt the need to seek help elsewhere,guess im luckier than some. today i feel quite motivated,my spirits higher,certainly nothing to do with the weather,its wild in cornwall today,maybe its the thought of going to corfu in 9 days with my friend tracy? not sure about the heat,but it was the only time she was free to travel with me,10 days away from day to day stuff thats what its all about,be interesting this time if i come back to”empty house syndrome” or “phew,my sanctuary”,i would like to think its the latter,although its our 49th wedding anniversary on return,best not start thinking down that route quite yet,come on mandy be +ve!!
aww lizzie,early ,this is the beginning of your journey,you are still numb/in shock. stay on here with us,you will read some +ve stuff,i think its good to share the +ve things as we walk this path,hope it gives encouragement to others who struggle,or thats my take on things, im at 20 months and i come on here crying,i come on here feeling ok and sharing the better days,thats the roller coaster of this life now. take care xx
ooohhh,to have another dog,its been suggested,but not for me now. what i would do if there was such a thing close at hand is help at dog rescue centre,my family have a dog,so at least i get dog cuddles every few weeks. interesting you have it in your mind,big step,it maybe the company you need. take care x
oh,so true about walking,reduces cortisol,raises endorphins,BUT i have become so lazy,firstly it was because i didnt want to see people,so avoided going out,now im glad to see a friendly face,but motivation poor,i need a kick up the btm ,my joints also feel better once i start moving more. im going on holiday so maybe i shall come back with motivation to move,hope so i dont like feeling sluggish and the answer is so simple!
Hi Mandy
Apparently it’s JUST DO IT and the motivation comes later
I say I’ll do 10 mins ( reluctantly)and before you know it I’m stuck in longer—- unless it’s dusting ugh !
Happy holidays Karolina
I have no friends to go on holiday with. John and I did everything together especially after he took early retirement. So the last. 17 yrs we were enough company for each other. He left suddenly with no warning. Maybe that’s why I feel so isolated. As I’ve said before the neighbours all work and I can drive
So I’m stuck here . Xxx
Hi Yewtree, I am in the same position as in not having friends etc. Have you thought about going on these solo holidays that Punto is going on. From what I understand they are made for people on there own to travel and make friends. Have you decided to keep up with the therapist?
I hope you find somewhere soon that you can talk and make friends.
Wishing you all the best
Tom
Hi Brandon1. Thank you. I will search for some sites which cater for people on their own. My son and his family are going abroad. I’ve thought about going with them but don’t know how much they would charge for insurance. Anyway I think I’d rather be in England . I’ve decided to have therapy over the phone instead of paying taxi to go through. Trouble is I don’t know if the therapy is helping or not as I’m not sure how I should feel.
Hi Yewtree
That sounds like a good compromise with the councillor and not so much money to hand out which is a bit negative in anyone’s book
I too only want to go away in this country
Although it’s a bit of an effort to go away with people you don’t know some of them may be good company and bring new subjects to chat about
I think if I was brave enough to try this I would go on a tour where there is something different to see every day so you were all exploring
Good Luck x
Hi Lizzie
It’s now 11 months since Paul died
I’m relieved to say that I have now noticed that I’ve stopped acting as if I’m going to die soon leaving everything in order and tidy
I’m enjoying my home and garden a lot more which is a relief
I can even listen to our music and have happy memories as well as ending up crying as well
Just saying that hopefully someday little things change
Of course the tears fall -but I believe they are healing
Karolina
you are being far more +ve,doing much better i think.! as for hoidays,ive looked at the solo ones,there are uk based ones. im lucky i have 2 friends who are wanting to do overseas with me,as we did before adrian died,he didnt care for “beach holidays”we travelled lots as a couple,overseas tours(not beach!) and all around the uk,also blessed with being beach based in cornwall. as for insurance ,oh yes it goes up >70,++but at the moment im paying up and making the most of being escorted on overseas holidays with my friends,it cant go on forever for me ot them wanting to escort me. going back to your phone therapy and how you should feel,its a question i dont think we can answer,because what is “normal”now,i dont know how i should feel on a day to day basis,not having been on this road before,just glad of the days,like today where i feel quite light hearted,if only every day was like today. take care,i think you are on the up!
you sound really positive,i think i turned the corner when i actually enjoyed my home and garden,which is only a few months ago as spring sprung,last year i wanted a tiny flat with no garden, music i cant do yet,adrian was a chorister,so singing when i can hear basso profundo breaks my heart. i think you are doing really well,we all are,maybe not always seeing it.
Thank you manb for being so positive. I keep telling myself not to think about John at all as he’s everywhere in this house. So everything I do in the garden i expect him to be there even when doing housework i expect him to be helping me. I don’t know if I’d be better never thinking of him and that is why I seem unable to deal with his loss. He’s always uppermost in my thoughts.
It’s even a new normal for me and it has been over 1 year. It’s a neverending roller coaster. As for me, I’m getting much worse, but it also depends on the background and mine is terrible. However there are moments when I feel a little bit better, my faith keeps me going on, otherwise life would be meaningless. This is an amazing place for finding a comfort, support, understanding and relief when nobody else understands…
Janka
Oh Sarah,
it reminded me a lot… Many people told me here how they care, some of them even said that I’m closer to them than their own family and then they wanted money for gas, bills, even pay them a restaurant when I was lonely in the beginning so much that I desperately needed friends. I finished with them. They showed me their back when I needed them the most. I’m glad that it’s over…
Janka
