you really are sounding so much better,keep it up,i talk to adrian all day when im in the house/garden. its some sort of comfort i guess? x
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I havenāt been on for a while as I crashed out a couple of months ago and couldnāt really talk to anyone. Mum passed away nearly 6 months ago and I stopped being able to cope - that was the end of March. I took some time off work - colleagues have been brilliant. Back to work, I am on tablets and yesterday completed my third counselling session. I thought I was doing okā¦
And then this morning I had news that an old school friend was coming over for a tour around while their very gifted child attends Oxford summer school for a couple of weeks and they want to meet up. I am all for this, happy to see them but I went from that to remembering a time when they visited me at home when we were teenagers and a memory of Mum popped into my head. Well that was it. Have only just stopped crying and am sat here still in my pajamas.
But its normal - it really is. Accepting this is my life now is part of the healing. Having that cry and sitting in pajamas at noon is part of it too. All of you going through this are all incredible and I am so proud of you in whatever stage of the journey you are in. You are here and present talking about your experiences in this awesome community and offering support despite your own pain. I hope you all feel that expressing yourselves here is helping others including myself.
Lots of love to you all x
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Hi not a good day. I got up at 8.30 then laid on the bed till 11am as I couldnāt be bothered to get a shower so just laid there tired but unable to sleep. I canāt get any reason to get up. Iāve been having 6weeks of counselling but itās cost me over 200 in taxi fares so I donāt know wether to try phone counselling instead.. I still feel lost and alone but not sure what Iām supposed to feel after counselling. Does anyone feel any happier. Xx
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No, so sad xx
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Counselling failed to help me, Yewtree.
Iāve found that going out as much as I can (I donāt drive but I use the buses), taking medication and belonging to this group have all been life savers.
Do you drive or are you close to public transport?
Thinking of you,
Bonnie
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Hi unfortunately I donāt drive either. Thereās only one bus an hour which goes to town centre and Darlington. If I want to go anywhere else I have to get a taxi or change buses. Iām virtually cut off from rest of town. John used to take me everywhere in the car but heās gone now so Iām stuck at home alone . What are we supposed to do xxx
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@Yewtree do your sons realise how much you are still struggling?
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What a minefield if you dont have power of attorney after adrian died i did it,so that my son wouldnt have problems. i never had that chance with my mother,her capacity with dementia went very quickly,because adult social care intervened they set up an independant advocate to deal with her welfare,they have now applied for ādeputyshipāwhere a solicitor will run her financial affairs,iam impressed,they are doing all the leg work for me,in the meantime she is in her dementia care home,safe and happy in her own little world,fiesty,but the trained staff can cope. iam just shouting out to everybody i have contact with,please get power of attorney,its probably more important than a will, and hats off to my local social services,they are amazing,making life easy for me. i can go to corfu on friday knowing everything is going in the right directionā¦.relax,probably the first time in over 2 years.
Iāve had the following counselling in the last 12 months:
x8 sessions Cruse Bereavement (telephone)
x2 sessions Bereavement Counsellor (face-to-face)
x3 sessions Volunteer Listening Service
x4 sessions Local Bereavement Group
x10 sessions Psychotherapist through my workplace (face-to-face)
x3 phone calls to Samaritans
I entered into each of the above with the best of intentions, desperately wanting to feel some kind of respite/relief from the intense grief that rules my life.
Sadly, I can honestly say that nothing has helped at all.
Ultimately, I just want my wonderful, loving, kind, caring, gentle and supportive, husband back by my side. My head knows that this is never going to happen, but try telling my broken heart that!
Eve x
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The same situation here. No buses, trams or trains, just one public transport going once a while and expensive taxi. Iāve bought a scooter lately, but I canāt use it for a long distance. Everything was much easier in Europe, thatās why I feel so isolated here without my car anymore,
Hugs from Janka
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WOW,thats 30 sessions,and approached with an open mind,willing it to help,but heart still broken,i never considered counselling because rightly or wrongly i was convinced it would not work for me. this forum however i have felt has really helped,mainly because it reassures me that my feelings are not isolated to just me because are all having similar āsymptomsā,sailing the same storm,some of our boats handle better than others,im just so pleased that i seem to be steering my boat in the right direction at the moment, last year i had a break from here for a while because i thought i was feeling much better,it didnt last,something knocked me off my perch again,i came back and soon felt like a comfort blanket was around me. i find it hard to offer advice as we are all so different,but i do emphasise my good days so others can hopefully see that its not all bad days ,im at 22 months. wishing you,and anybody else reading this well.
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I did phone councilling..not sure if it helps.but this group condirms feelings are normal.
I joined a council run bereavement group last week ..that was nice ..coffee and a chat ..going again this wwek x
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I donāt think counselling does help.i like to know how to fill the empty space in my head heart and life. Counselling definitely doesnāt help me to work that out so Iām still missing John immensely. Canāt find anything that helps. This place does at least let you know thereās lots more people in the same boat. Just as unhappy as me. Iām getting to that stage again where thereās no point. Everyday the same wonder how long I can hang on. Wishing I knew where happiness has gone although I really know ā¦. It went with John. Xxx
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Hanging on to survive another dayā¦ Thatās it! Sometimes I think that I should have died with himā¦ a part of me is dead anywayā¦ it went away with himā¦
Hugs from Janka
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Yewtree, to be honest i didnt find councelling helped much, i find this site and the kind understanding people on here have given me most help and support.I have no real friends, little family no children so its just me really.I cant drive so we have always relied on buses, theyre every 90 minutes.After over a year i dont feel things have got better , in so many ways they feel worse, the finality of it all, knowing that this is how my so called life will be now, full of worry, sadness, emptyness and loneliness, but i know we have no choice, all we can do is our best, take things one moment at a time and try to look after ourselves the best we can, that i find is easier said than done.I so hope things will get better for us.Take care.
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@Yewtree
The phrase you used āI like to know how to fill the empty space in my head, heart and lifeā suddenly struck a chord because for me something is beginning to fill my time.
Iāve never really been one for courses ( or counselling), if I need to know something I try to find out for myself, usually by reading books.
I lost my wife, of 48 years, 18 months ago and since then Iāve been trying to work out what happened. I suppose my investigation has to be based on faith, but Iāve been certain since her death that her spirit has remained with me. Itās just a feeling I had from the start and itās never left me.
Iāve been reading books and articles by psychologists, psychics, mediums, and quantum physicists. The more I read the more there is to learn, itās becoming a passion. The Universe has more technology than we could ever imagine and somewhere out there is my wifeās soul (and probably mine too, but thatās another story) and Iām reasonably sure that one day, before I die, I will be able to contact her.
I must emphasise that depression still haunts my life but at least I do have an interest that seems worthwhile.
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I went to visit my sister-in-law , Nigelās sister today. She is in a care home and has Alzheimerās . She knows who I am and spoke about how much she loved and misses her late brother, who was my dear husband Nigel. When I got home I phoned my late husbandās brother to update him on how I found his sister today. He asked me how I was coping on my own. I told him exactly how awful I find my life without Nigel. He is 91 and still has his wife who is 90. He then proceeded to give me āadviceā as to how I should be making the best of widowhood. I really had to bite my tongue and simply replied āthank you for your advice, but some things are very much easier to give advice on, especially as you are fortunate enough to have never walked in my shoes, than they are to actually live throughā. I felt guilty after my response but that really was me biting my tongue !
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Itās so unfair! Isnāt it? Some people live 100 years and those who would die for love stay aloneā¦
Janka
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Hi. It must be nice to have some faith . Do the books you read help you understand what youāre going through? I still canāt figure it all out what happened? Why so quickly? John was diagnosed with cancer they gave him 3months. He had a fit went to hospital was coming out next day . They phoned during the night to let me know heād had a fall now had a brain bleed and would probably have a week left. After bringing him home he was here for 3 days then gone. I seem to spend all my time stuck trying to figure what happened . I only got a couple of weeks with him. Itās been 19 months now but I still canāt accept heās left me and keep looking for answers everywhere. We were married for 53 yrs so thereās nothing left for me to do
Do you know if thereās any books I could read to help me come to terms with things? I canāt function properly without him. Xxx wishing you well
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