Good to hear that you have had a good weekend with your family. Your dil sounds a very special person. Sadly, not all mother and dil relationships are as good as the relationship you have. As the mother of 3 sons I know that it takes understanding from both sides, so well done to you for the obvious close relationship you have with your dil. I always feel a mixture of emotions when family leave so maybe take it easy today. As hard as it is for you they wouldn’t keep coming if they didn’t feel comfortable spending time with you. Sorry if I sound preachy , just want to help others if I can. Believe me I have some very low times and moments of joy , usually followed by some even more low moments. It’s like living life on a rollercoaster.
Sounds like a lovely day 
I had a nice day in Chester with my sister and her family ..my nephew picked me up .
My sister has terminal cancer so we are spending as much time together as we can ..its all very sad ..but helps to be together xx
thanks beryl,im blessed with what family i have,and the relationship. my only other living relative is 96 yr old mother,she will outlive us all!! yesterday was good because we did everything together,we swam together and the dog,it was such fun! sam(my son)and jack(10)played chess sat in the garden when we got home,no “electronics”at grannys,it doesnt bother them. and there was rugby on the tv,footie was too late for them…and us!! im trying to “buckup”butsmetimes its ok to have a low/teary day,get it out my system. xx
aww,tough times ahead. xx
So sorry to hear your sad news, but you are so right to spend as much time, however hard it may be, together.
I have experienced sudden death and that can leave you angry with yourself for not doing or saying everything you wished you had. Not suggesting that will make it any easier in the long run. Just make every day count, as I suppose we should all do anyway, whether we have notice of how many more days we have with those we love.
this is day 3 of feeling weepy after family went home,im not spending my upcoming birthday on my own,bruch on friday,lunch on saturday,but i am alone,i i discovered and said 2 weeks ago when it was adrians birthday this us all so much for difficult than last year. ive even been thinking today should i sell up,downsize and move nearer to my family,the thought of the upheaval and downsize does scare me,also of course other than family and their friends i wont have friends of my own,its probably not the answer,but nothing fits the bill right now,im sure i shall have a couple of nice outings,get birthday over,thats wedding anniversary,both birthdays all within 4 weeks and i shall be back to my more positive self. hope so,i dont like feeling so weepy,its exhausting. somebody on here once said 2nd year anniversaries can be worse,yes,i think that is about right,reality…..oh well,onwards and upwards again. x
Sorry to hear that you are feeling low after a visit from your family. I am exactly the same. There’s always the buildup to their visit, the momentary feeling of normality and the effort of trying to appear ok, and then it’s all over and tiredness and reality kicks in. I hope that these feelings will get easier over time as I learn to cope better, only time will tell. Maybe if you start planning for their next visit it will ease the pain. Not sure about your thoughts on moving at the moment. It’s a big step at the best of times and the pain is still within you wherever you live. Others may feel differently. I am just looking at your situation from my own perspective. Take care of yourself. Tomorrow may be a better day.
beryl,you are right,its not the time to be thinking about giant steps,and it would be a real downsize to afford it,i enjoy my house and garden,its just this feeling of emptyness, and i have to remember that i still have mother and all that goes with it to deal with,so need to be here. i know it will even out again,i felt so much better when i got back from holiday 4 weeks ago. next time i see the family is 3rd sept,up there,which is the norm,i get 4 nights with them i go thur-mon. which is longer than if they come to me.the boys are still off school when im there,so jen has plans for me and the boys to be doing together. something to look forward too,and to be honest 4 nights with them im ready for quiet sanctuary of home,till tears,but in need of my home. thanks beryl,appreciate all you have said . mandy x
My husband died suddenly..which is such a shock
So this is completely different. I dont stress about not saying those special things..because i know he knows how much we all loved him
Not knowing when or how long is difficult too x
Its so difficult isnt it ..but it sounds like you’ve got lots of friends and great family .
Im the same but it doesn’tstop the tears .
I find it hard to attend gatherings without him.this usually starts me off feeling down for a few days .
Goodnight x
Hope you are feeling better tomorrow x
thanks,yes i had good sleep,im feeling bit teary,but im out later with friends,my friendship group is quite small,but perfectly formed! nobody is overbearing and trying to run my life,of couse i would like to see more of them sometimes,but i dont push it,they all have either partners/families/jobs/lives. had more thinking time about what i do,and of course knee jerk reaction to moving wont solve anything,it may make it worse,i shall continue with my 4-6 weekly visits to family,they will act upon it quickly enough if they see things failing. im only 73,hoping i can manage my life for a while yet! and of course until all this legal stuff with mother sorted i cant think about anything else,application for deputyship is underway because i dont have POA,once thats established and an independant advocate takes over her finance/welfare i could go live on the moon…ok,maybe step too far from cornwall,but its another thing off my over active mind! xx
lovely SR friends,i want to say that i feel more like the old me,have had a relaxing 2 hours sat in the sun sipping a pint with my wednesday friends,chinese takeaway being delivered,which will last 2 nights,no tears all afternoon…onwards and upwards,thanks for support to my messages over the last couple of days,you really do make me see sense,and help me keep my head above water. x
Hi
Aww glad you’ve had a better day ..ive also been a bit wepy this week .had a few get togethers and its hard on your own x
thanks,my take away has arrived,been sat outside with my cuppa of lemon/ginger tea,bird song,my trees…no way can i give this up,im certainly feeling more settled this evening,a few tears are ok,but over reaction/knee jerk reactions are no good..over thinking! x
So pleased that you have had a better day. I am exactly the same, especially when family have been or I have visited them. I guess tiredness and all the emotions take a lot out of us.
You have been through an awful lot , All the problems with your Mother’s care haven’t helped either. I have been there and felt how unfair life can be. Take care and be kind to yourself. X
Take care and be kind to yourself
You’re dreading the sea, I’m dreading the tree… the tree that I have to look at and walk around every time I go from my store to my church… I try not to look at it though, more or less successfully, sometimes I’m crying while riding my scooter around… The tree is a witness of a phone call from a police officer who said that my most beloved husband died… There is nothing to describe the pain!!! The clocks stopped, it was like the knife into my heart, the bitter end…
Janka
once again beryl thanks for understanding and kind words,yes,sometimes i forget how the issues with mother pull me down,it all started about the same time as adrian died,her private carer shouldered so much for me,but all this legal malarky is my problem,all has gone quiet as the process of application takes weeks,and shes in a safe place,i have had house clearance in,so in theory there is nothing for me to fret about,trying telling my brain that at sillyoclock! xx
Hi. Mandy. Happy Birthday xx. I hope you have as happy a day as possible . It’s only one day a year so please try and put. The negative thoughts to one side.
I have to go to doctors tomorrow to see if these new tablets are helping . I don’t how I’m supposed to know really. The family are going to come up soon to get the Mini as Alisa has passed her driving test. So hopefully she will have it down there for the holidays. I never have any food in when they come up as I tend to live on ready meals. Which makes me feel a little guilty as we have to go shopping as soon as they get here.
xx
I understand about the strain with regard to your Mother as I went through a very hard time with my own Mother who lived to 98 ! I can’t help feeling angry that she lived 27 years after my Father died ! The awful part was that she didn’t want to live that long and in the last two years she didn’t know she was alive anyway. I loved my Mother very much but it’s hard to not feel that way when my dear Nigel fought so hard to stay alive. Now I feel guilty for saying that about my poor Mum especially as it all happened during Covid .
Not having POA in place makes everything so much harder for you, and I know it takes quite some time to get the deputyship sorted because my sister in law is in a care home and does not have a POS in place.
In my humble opinion you are doing a great job considering all the grief and responsibilities you are having to deal with. Time for a cup of tea I think, Cheers 