Be grateful that you have a family. I have none. I live all alone in a foreign country.
Janka
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i was with a couple yesterday who live life to the full,and i find it quite hard to listen ,they dont mean to ârub it inâthey are just so enthusiastic about their life,especially as hes just had âall clearâfrom lung cancer. your ability to do the bus on your own will come,im at almost 22 months,i now feel uplifted by memory lane,our happy places once im there,even now i feel wobbly about actually making the effort.that maybe is because im not too fond of driivng,and even that is ok once im belted up and moving. x
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i do hope you have friends,i rely on friends for company/social life. my family consists of my son ,daughter in law,2 grandsons(12 and 10) live a couple of hours away,i get to see them about every 4-6 weeks,we do get on well,but like all young families they are busy busy.x
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Tom, i entirely agree with you.I dont find any pleasure in anything anymore, doing everything alone breaks my heart.Everything feels so sad and everything seems to have lost its meaning and purpose now.Eating alone, watching tv alone, shopping alone.You are so right life carries on but pleasure doesnt.Pleasure , hapiness and joy i feel left with my dear wife she was the one who gave me that in abundance but most of all her love and care she always gave me.Take care.
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I also agree and understand everything you say. So often I find it very hard to make people empathise but it just isnât possible to explain the awful emotional and physical pain. I now understand the word âheartacheâ because it really does feel like a physical pain.
I have two friends who have lost their husbands recently and I am trying to support them because I just cannot get used to not having my dear husband Nigel to love and care for. Itâs good that we have our friends on here to lift us up every time we feel ourselves sliding backwards.
Take care of yourself even though I know it all seems so pointless .
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@brummy @Brandon1 @Norma1
You are so right. There are no pleasures in life now, everything is a chore. Meals for one are endured rather than enjoyed and I really donât care what I eat, I just take whatever falls out of the fridge first!
The only thing that holds any interest for me is spirituality. I live in hope that all the accounts of the wonderful world that surrounds us, but is out of sight, are true. I am currently reading a couple of good books on the subject and can thankfully lose myself in them for a couple hours.
I think the title of this stream âThings are getting worse rather than betterâ is sadly true. I used to be able to build myself up to a task and when completed felt quite good about it for a while, but now the effect hardly kicks in at all.
Iâm not giving up the search, there are plenty more books to buy. I will let you all know when I find the golden key.
Look after yourselves. The answer is out there somewhere.
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Beryl, thank you for your reply.Its such a hard road we all find ourselves on.This site is a Godsend to me as i have no family only cousins and my dear wifes disabled sister whose mental state is not very good.no one really understands as we do on this site.We all know how losing our dear loved ones really feels.It is so good of you to support your friends.It really has torn me apart losing my dear wife so suddenly and unexpectedly.Nothing in our lives and ourselves will ever be the same again.Part of us left with our dear loved ones but all we can do is our best.I say to my dear wife every day, â i am trying my bestâ.You are so right everything seems so pointless but we have to âplod onâ.Look after yourself.
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I feel very sure that your dear wife knows how hard you are trying to get through each day. I remember saying to my husband that I would make him proud of me, without having any idea how very hard that would prove to be ! I try to do just one thing a day. It took me three months to sort the garden shed out; does anyone really need 12 coffee jars full of nails and screws ? It took so long because I just couldnât face more than 30 mins at a time without dissolving into tears. I know he would laugh at many of the jobs I have tried to tackle, but at the same time he would also be proud , just as I told him I would try to.
Inevitably there will always be someone who we will be able to help in the future because of the experience we have sadly been left to cope with. I do take great comfort that I am the one who has been left to walk this awful path each day rather than my dear kind and loving husband.
Sorry to waffle on. You are doing so much better than you probably think you are. Just letting out your feelings on here takes courage.
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ithink i need to retrack my statement to @Norma1 about coping well with going back to our happy place,its on channel 5 nowâtreloan âin portscatho where we set up âhome âin our caravan for 11 years before adrian got sick,the walker family who run it are great friends to this day,but wow has it made the tears flow just seeing it all, i was there 4 weeks ago, and back again in 2 weeks,never had this effect before, i sadly decided to give up the van,no fun on my own,so i stay with friends,always go to the campsite,have a meal with the walker family. wonder if any of you are watching it tv this evening,
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Im not watching at the moment but will watch it..put it on the list x
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you will soon see why it was our âhappy placeâ!! xx
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Thank you beryl for your kind reply.Its such a hard path we find ourselves on.what really hits me so hard is i have no family and friends , only my disabled sister in law and a few cousins.Everyone who came to the funeral full of âwe will keep in touchâjust dissapeared but that seems a very common theme with many of us on here.all getting on with their lives, but for us the grief goes on, it has no timeline or direction, it can hit us any time anywhere but all we can do is our best and cope the best we can.This site really has been a godsend to me, everyone is so kind and caring and everyone understands how we feel.Take care.
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Thank you for your response brummy.
I get what you mean about those who say âanything we can do just let us knowâ and then you never hear from them again. If only they knew just how much it hurts to feel abandoned when we have done nothing to create the situation we all find ourselves in. When I read your message just now I was feeling very low and sad but it made me feel that there are still people who do understand and want to help and also need help themselves.
Take care of yourself and keep reaching out to all the friends you have on here .
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Thank you so much for your reply Beryl.People just dont âget itâ unless they have been through what we have.They just havent a clue.I work with some people who say âhave a break/holidayâ they may mean well but its not that easy.I was with my dear wife 36 years of a loving happy marriage, we did everything together.Holidays were for US, it would be so hard especially going somewhere we used to go.i just dont feel able to, maybe i never will be able to do that.All these sorts of âtriggers â we have to deal with.This site has very special people on here Beryl, people who really understand how we are feeling.We may have different circumstances to losing our dear loved ones but we all understand how grief feels.Talking is so important to, reaching out for support, comfort and/or advice things this site and the lovely people have in abundance.Most of all Beryl love, not the romantic kind but the love sent to our fellow friends on this site letting them know we are thinking of them and we care about them.Take care Beryl.
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yup,the road paved with good intentions,well,that road wasnt coming my way,or the way of lots of us on here.if it did it was short lived,maybe i was too quick to say i was ok,it was in the shock/numb stage i had no clue to what was normal feelings,i was at 3 months when i joined this forum,thats 18 months ago,the best thing i ever did,i know im too quick to say âim doing wellâthen have to retract statement as it was short lived, i have a small group of friends who have stayed,but i think i can say they were âmy friends/our friendsâ his friends/our friendsâ which were mainly choirs/ex rugby have kept low profile,and they were not all men. funny ol world. take care
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Eighteen months; here we are. The pain of day one and the pain of 603 days
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manb
You are so right, the road paved with good intentions, that road wasnt coming my way either, it feels more like the road to nowhere,or the long and winding road.its 17 months since losing my dear wife on that day which is forever etched on my mind.I still cry most days, nightime i find the worst and bedtime.I am pleased you have a small group of friends , itsimportant we have fellow human beings to interact with as a species i read we are meant for connection, its why loneliness can be so hard, thats what i am finding.Its that loneliness and feelings of emptyness and sadness i find so difficult.coming back to the empty house i know i will never get used to.I âtalkâ to my wife all the time which i find does help me.Take care.
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I know exactly what you mean, its 17 months for me and the pain is still there, i know it will never go away.The grief i fear will be my constant companion now something i will always have to live with but we can only do our best thats all we can do.Take care.
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i talk to adrian all day,tell him whats going on,whats on the news that i know would annoy him,so i can get rattled on his behalf!! he knows what im cooking,how the garden is,if hes not watching me,hes hearing me!! lonely despite friends,yes,its that hollow feeling,sometimes empty house is sanctuary if its been hectic,but otherwise its a void. tears,stages of being constant to days of ânormalâno trigger factors sometimes. i guess we will never know what normal is anymore! take care
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my family have been here ,they arrived yesterday morning,we went to the beach,we were all the water,and the dog,what fun. pub lunch,ice creams,got home at 4pm,we were all wiped out. we sat out till 10.00,indian takeaway,few beers from sams brewery. the boys.dog and i have been up since just after 6, they have just left,jen(my D.I.L.)and me in tears,so its quiet,so quiet,there are chores to do of course,so i need to focus on that. jen has just found out she has a place in the london marathon april 2027,shes running for the sunrise appeal,oncology at treliske hospital,truro in memory of adrian,she did the bristol half as a practice run and raised almost ÂŁ3000. so thinking about all that too has triggered emotions,this will be our last fund raise now,the memorial rugby match and concert both raised ÂŁ3000/event,its the same people donating each time,there is a limit to how much you can ask.
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