It is very difficult to navigate friendships, with the opposite sex in particular. My husband & I had a friendship with a couple & a year or so afterwards he lost his wife. We keep in touch just seeing how each other is getting on & he has said we should meet up & have a drink. I’m happy to do that if it included other people but not on a one to one basis in case it is misconstrued. I may be over thinking it but I would rather not be in an awkward situation.
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I think if you make your feelings clear from the beginning there shouldn’t be a problem. I probably wouldn’t go for a drink but a coffee somewhere maybe. Just make sure you mention quite often how you don’t want to go down that route again.
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hoping we all have a nice may bank holiday weekend in the sunshine,im joining friends on the coast till tuesday,thats long enough away from home i have to drive myself,thats ok as i know where im going, and no m-ways! take care everybody. x
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Week 14 starts tonight/tomorrow morning. Already i feel like crap. Tried to see if anybody would vist me this weekend, but no . I know they live far away and have their own lives to lead. I am just losing the strength. I know what i should do walks, memories etc, but i just don’t see the point at the moment. My counsellor says i am doing well. I have one more vist in 3 weeks to check on me, but that has been my life line. 57, no children, no job and my best years gone. I know i wouldn’t swap my Time with Sue. It’s just so hard without her.
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I am so sorry for being Mr negative. It’s Friday’s. Plus lack of sleep. One day i hope i will post something positive.
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@Nightwish1
You’re not being negative you are grieving so it’s different.
I wish I could help but I’m a bit lost just now and it’s not getting better it’s getting worse. I’m just 8 weeks in from suddenly losing my partner who I was with for just 2+ glorious years.
I’ve just been to the doctor, first time in 10 years and I think it’s been helpful and he listened because I think I’m losing my mind but he said it’s actually trauma of losing John and also mum, dad and my long term partner in the last 9 years…and trying to hold it together for everyone else.
I have been prescribed something to take the edge off but will still allow the process
Time will tell.
It’s just a shame us on here can’t have a meet up n talk I’m sure it would be helpful…
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Thank you Mitzi. Look after yourself please.
Its just over thinking. Since February 2024, we lost are cat( i know its daft), April my oldest friend we grew up on the same street and remained friends for over 50 years. My Dad on Christmas day no surprise but still my Dad. Then 25th January the most precious one to me my soul mate my everything Sue. Apart from my Dad all to cancer and before there time. Like i said i just feel broken and struggling.
I keep getting told how nice it is outside, i just don’t see it.
@Nightwish1
I think all we can do is be kind to ourselves. We loved hard and we’re now grieving hard…We just need to cry when we want n need to n hope it passes for a while before it comes back and we know it will…
Maybe the time will get longer in between those feelings. We don’t know do we but we have to hope…
Last night was an horrendous sleep for me n sometimes when I’m tired everything is amplified.
Doesn’t take away from the fact I hate weekends starting from Friday afternoon when I was so happy to be seeing John either at my house or his……All gone now…
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Weekends are the toughest I think. I’m 7 months in since losing my husband of 57 years and despite the passing of time, I am still finding it hard.
@Abbiesnan
57 years is a lifetime with lots of memories. It must be very difficult…
Thank you, yes it’s tough especially as it could’ve been avoided (but that’s another story!). We were together 60 years, married for 57, so a lifetime really. I get by most of the time, but weekends for some reason as especially difficult.
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I am sorry for your loss. I lost my wife of 57 years in February just gone. She had had problems with a leaky heart valve for decades, but her body coped with it. Then she discovered she had an enlarged aorta, which finally split in two, allowing blood to flow only through one of its parts. She was rushed to the hospital in the middle of a Saturday night, and by 11 am on Sunday, air-lifted to a larger hospital and rushed into a 7-hour surgery. She never recovered. Yes, I’m still grieving. Yes, my daughter and I got through all the arrangements and gave our beloved the best send-off we could. She deserved it. Is it hard to bear? Oh yes! We all have to go through the pain. We have no choice. Will it get worse? Possibly! For those of us who spent the best part of our lives with our partners, it can never get better. But we can learn to live with it and be grateful that we had so many wonderful years together. I thank God for my wife, daughter and granddaughters every day. And I thank God for all the wonderful friends that we made over the years. We were truly blessed. So chin up. Cry when you have to, I do, and there is no shame in that. Tell your loved ones how much you miss your man. Keep his flame burning in your heart. But most of all, remember that many others who loved him in their way are grieving too. They deserve lots of hugs from you.
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I’ve taken peoples advice and made my feelings clear through general conversation amongst friends that Bridget was and is the only one that I’ve loved. After all we were together for over 30 years and more or less grew up together and had a great relationship.
Who knows if in a years time I’ll feel the same and a year in grief time is a long time. Feel a bit bashed about with emotions to be honest. What to say, not to say, being careful not to upset people or myself - it’s difficulties I never anticipated when we lived as an ordinary couple.
@Peter11
That’s the thing we don’t know how long we are going to be grieving and just now it looks never ending but who can say.
Right now being honest with people is the only way to be, as it should be all the time, but when you’ve been a couple it’s just so very different when in effect single again.
I remember when my long term partner of 30 years had to go in a home and a guy we’d known for ever thought I would be lonely and asked if I wanted to go out….err no…
I never thought I would love anyone after he died but I met John by chance and he really was my soulmate but very sadly for only two n half years and suddenly he was gone 8 weeks ago…
Strangely I’m grieving him more than I ever did with my other partner. That I’m finding hard to understand.
I know we as humans have the capacity to love many people but it’s the hurt left behind on death that makes me absolutely sure I will never put myself in that position again
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@Mitzi1
They say we never get over our grief, we just learn to move forward with it.
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I awoke at around 8 ish. But didn’t manage to convince myself it was worth getting up till around 12 that was only because i needed toilet. I don’t drive and have problems walking so i m in most of the time no buses running either. The neighbours all work so does my son. People say i’ll get used to being alone in time but it’s been 7 months now and nothing has changed. I still have no clue what i should be doing. I’m totally lost. Just don’t want to bother with meals or showers .i don’t find counillors help .i just don t see the point of running a house just for myself. I keep trying but there’s nothing positive for me now. Where do i find the mind altering people who can make mw feel happier xxx
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I’m 7 months in too and certainly get days like you describe. Don’t beat yourself up about it, it’s perfectly normal. It’s still early days and grief has no time limit. I’m sure we will both feel better at some point, we just have to hang in there xxx
@Yewtree it’s very hard to carve out a life for yourself. I always remember what my GP said to me, your life as it was has also ended & people around you, even your children (they’re both grown up & married) their lives haven’t really changed all that much. It made me realise the enormity of losing your partner & to feel like you are feeling currently is natural & understandable. It made me not be too hard on myself. I’m 5 years on now & you do learn to carve out a life for yourself even though it’s a life you never wanted. Sending love & strength
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It’s not a linear progression I’m afraid. Be prepared for days where you think things are moving forward then suddenly you’re slapped back down to where you were - often for no obvious reason. Today, for example, I had a tearful meltdown in Sainsbury’s and had to walk out - first time in a couple of months!
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It certainly isn’t a linear progression. Every bit of happiness is tinged with sadness that Derek should still be here to share these moments. Particularly after family events, I’m conscious that I’m representing us both & even though I’ve learnt to put on a brave face, those days take there toll & I know that for a few days I’ll be down. He’s never met his grandchildren 
it hurts all the time, breaks my heart that he has never been called Grandad 
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