I’ve been sorting some stuff out and I’m suddenly reduced to tears. Silly really but it’s a little stuffed animal I’ve found she bought for a key ring and the label says “you’re the best”. Reminds me of holidays when we went away camping.
And I’m not crying because she’s gone so much, I’m crying because of what the dementia did to her and me. Someone so alive and bright and vibrant and then a stranger to me. And I became a stranger in 2019, so a long time ago and still it hurts so much
So I sit in the garden with all the memories surrounding me, and when I think I can make new friends and attempt closer relationships, the memories seem to say “who do you think your kidding “, “ you’ve got a long way to go still “
I am 10 weeks in and find I cant visit pubs, restaurants even my local shopping centre without feeling ill. Yesterday I went to our local garden centre to get some bedding plants as my husband did the most amazing hanging baskets which I have no hope of achieving but want to have a go for him, I cried the whole time. I hope this awful feeling of emptiness and loss will slowly get less.
I’m sorry your friend wasn’t more supportive. until they experience the awful despair we now find ourselves in they do not understand.
We will all be strong for each other .
I’m 7mmonths in, still very hard but it really resounded with me when you mention hanging baskets. My husband was an expert gardener, even winning prizes in Southampton in Bloom. Our garden, albeit small, was full of hanging baskets and troughs and I despair of even attempting to match his skill. Consequently, this weekend together with my daughter we have spent many hours tidying, pruning, and planting bedding plants into his troughs and they now look quite good, although not up to his standards. As for the hanging baskets well I am going to cheat and will be having some baskets ready made and delivered this month by a local supplier! at least the garden will look loved and cared for again. Perhaps this is something you might consider doing? It’s not ideal, but I’m sure your husband wouldn’t mind and would be proud of you for trying your best.
Memories of Southampton I used to live in a house at the back of Blighmont TA Centre Millbrook Road With the King George 5th dry dock over the road and a good view of it from the footbridge over the railway. back in the sixties. Went back and saw the Camberra back from the Falklands when it was in that dry dock. Happy memories.
I know it well. Sadly Southampton is not as lovely as it used to be but you can still see the enormous cruise ships when they are in, sometimes 2 or 3 at a time.
Hi, I lost my husband unexpectedly 9 weeks yesterday or maybe even10. Some days good others I just scream WHY did he leave me all alone after 44 years of bliss together.
We lived for each other No family, no close friends some kind neighbours all 1/2 mile away so I am alone with my little dog in a beautiful home in the country. My husband should have waited a few more weeks for the clocks to change and see the garden flourish and the beautiful garden but he was too tired and Dementia took him away. I see no future.
I can’t envisage life without him, and how to start over at 78. We have to scream and cry to relieve the pressure of grief I never knew it would be so hard.
Best wishes to you all who are enduring this agony.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about missing my Bridget. She didn’t recognise me 6 years ago as she developed dementia. Now she’s gone I realise what I miss is the 30 years of her being my wife, companion and friend.
I don’t miss the years of upheaval and bizarre behaviour due to her illness and certainly trying to cope with double incontinence and refusing to look after herself. All that’s in the past but because I loved her so I cared for her as one human being to another.
But when someone has walked on the floor of our lovely house for 22 years never to come back and then that morning to go live in a care home, well, its a shock and almost broke me.
We get through each day one way or another and the world and couples continue to go on.
I know just how you are feeling, Peter 11. My wife and I were together for 57 years. Forty-seven of those precious years were spent working closely together in our own business and living in retirement. It wasn’t always perfect, but what real marriage ever is? But here’s the thing: I loved her more than life itself, and she loved me the same. We just worked through our problems and got over them. She was my rock through thick and thin, my counsellor throughout our good and lean years. She was my best friend, my right-hand girl, and I miss her more than I can ever put into words. I now live with my daughter. My wife’s ashes are in a beautiful oak casket by my side until further notice, and we have her interred at a local churchyard.
I’m sure you are feeling that the best part of you has been torn out, and yes, it probably has, but it hasn’t been discarded. She is still with you in your heart, and Heaven is where your heart is. So remember all the good times you spent with each other and don’t dwell on the regrets. No one can say how long your grief will last because everyone is different. Just take a deep breath and get on with the day as best you can. There is no rush. And may God bless all your decisions concerning your progress.
Well said. This a journey none of us wanted to take. I feel like you, 7 months in after losing my husband of 57 years, a lifetime. We will survive I keep telling myself!
I know i should try and be more positive but John’s death was so sudden only 5weeks after being diagnosed. It’s 7 months now and nothing has helped. I had councilling for a.few weeks but it didn’t help. Nothing does. I don’t want to go alone. Looking at my future i can see nothing but lonliness. I don’t want to do anything. I know some people can survive.but i don’t drive . John took all my ambitions with him. Where are the people who can help me. Xxxxx wishing Good Luck and Happiness to those who get through this. Xxx
@Yewtree it’s so difficult to find a purpose & reason to move forward. I suppose my Mum who was diagnosed with Dementia after my husband passed, provided me with a reason to be here, she needed me. Sadly she passed a few months ago & I am back at that place of feeling my life has no meaning. Also missing the support & comfort that my husband would have given me, it’s knocked me backwards. I see how my sister’s husband has helped her through & it brings the pain & hurt, that I’d learned to bury deep down, back to the surface. It’s a hard journey & finding your way alone isn’t easy especially when it’s a position we’re forced into. Sending you strength to move forward one step at a time.
I feel for you. I’m 7 months in from losing my husband of 57 years. I don’t drive either and therefore have to depend on getting lifts or the bus (I don’y mind the bus but it does limit you as to where you can go). Keep in touch with folk on here to help with your lonliness xx
I only have one son up here the other one lives 200 miles away.so can’t help so much. Everything i do has a connection with John which makes it harder. We were married for 53 yrs living here for over49 yrs up to now . I thought about moving to a smaller house or bungalow i live in 3bed semi with conservatory and garden. I’ve also got replacement knees.which makes it harder to cope. I’m not.sure i want to start again in another house. I’m nearly 80. and ready to give up.
The buses stopped running past here due to roadworks. Which started in July last year and the road has just reopened so bus restarted 1 per hour on 4th May which will let me get out
Hoping you all have happier times ahead. Xxx
im 7 months too(today)myhusband had been diagnosed with rectal/liver cancer 10months before he died,and was having palliative chemo,he suffered a cardiac arrest when out for his afternoon stroll,the shock when police are at the door,my only "consolation"is he/we never had to go through dying of cancer and all that entails,the only place i have felt comfortable "talking"is on here,its easier to type than talk,emotions dont take over quite the same, please keep talking on here x
my only child(son)is 120milesaway,business to run,dont like to"bother"them with my woes,they are grieving too. bus service down here not good(cornwall) i think its too early to makedecision about move/downsize. we decided to wait a year before thinking about it,i too have 3 bed semi/conservatory/garden,i pay somebody to look after the garden. i dont think i could downsize,cant face the "de-clutter"but too soon to think along those lines,maybe it will be stair lift. dont give up x