yup,denial/numb/shock…then reality…i was just saying to “spledge” i have been sat in the garden sipping a small beer wondering where this will take me,what will it be like living this life of being alone,despite doing occasional “nice things” it doesnt fill the void,especially this time of day/weekends. x
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take care of your health martin,i saw there was some pirate thing in plymouth,never heard of it before.
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Yes, doing the occasional nice thing helps to fill the void, but reality hits when you come back to that silent, empty house. The weekends seem to drag for me. I too am sat in the garden listening to the birds, reading a bit, but alone none the less.
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@Spledge
I’ve had the same thing said to me! I think it’s because they haven’t got a clue what to say! From telling you times a great healer to they’d want you to do this or that. And none of them have ever experienced the loss of a partner. Someone actually said to someone else that I’ve got chance to meet somebody else and have another child!!! Really!! So now if by any chance conversation turns to such things I alter it straight away. Good luck mate. Xx
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all these “words of wisdom”…and in my experience none of them are walking in our shoes. people just dont know how to deal with us,thank goodness for this forum.
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@manb
I totally agree love. X
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Hi everyone I’ve not been able to post or reply till today I lost all msgs but back on now
I’m coming up to 7 months without my husband of 57 years
I have good days and ones where I just think there’s no point but pick myself up
I’ve moved since he died and how he would of loved my bungalow it’s all he wanted but not to be
It still dosnt seem real and I still think he’s gonna come in the door
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You have described me! 7 months without my husband. It would’ve been our 57th wedding anniversary this coming June. Good days and bad days when I wonder what is the point too. I still think I hear him coming up the stairs at night, and still think he will come in the door, so I emphasise with you 100%. For some unknown reason the last few days have been particularly hard, I don’t know why, but I suppose this is normal. I find weekends particularly difficult. You have been really brave moving since losing your husband, that must have been tough, I don’t think I could do it, I am anxious all the time now and moving would just about finish me off, so well done, you’re stronger than you think!
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@Spledge im so sorry you have ended up part of this horrid journey and losing your partner me too on the sleep usually 3/4 am but then i have to set alarm for 9 as I’m now looking after my partner Linda’s mum who is room bound really and frail too so have no choice but to sort out her care for the day tabs and food personal care is by adult soc care carers twice a week but rest down to me so feel really trapped my linda was 53 when she passed I’m 10 years older but yeah it angers me so much too getting to hear that phrase you will meet someone grrrr the only one was my fiance linda that i had been with 14 years known 20 years i wish i had more help on the sleep pattern sorry the drs put me on mertazipine which cause bad flashbacks so stopped taking them i hope you find being on here helpfull we are all on the same god awfull journey take care of you take it one step at a time i lost my linda on 8th oct 2024 it seems to be worse now than ever big hugs
Martin
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Yeah, I get they don’t know what to say. I just have been replying by saying I was lucky to have met my soul mate and those years spent with him will last my lifetime thank you very much (whilst mentally throttling them for their insensitivity!).
Just wanted to say thank you to you all, it really has been reassuring and comforting to hear how you are coping and getting through this one step at a time.
I’m just sat watching the Eurovision alternating between chuckling and sobbing at lots of his memories that seem to be colliding into my head. I’ve been writing to my lovely, funny, kind, caring beautiful boy in a journal which seems to help.
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Thanks for the kind positive words. I cared for my mum and dad a couple of years back so I know how hard that can be, on top of your loss, please try and make some time for you. I found Macmillan nurses were brilliant, came in to do night sits etc.
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Yes I moved end of March our house was for sale before roger died I took it off the market but felt he would of wanted me to downsize and I know he’s here with me
I hate wknds too but try and do something ie a walk to the beech bit of gardening we used to go out for coffee and snack j miss that
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@Spledge
I was thinking exactly along the same lines… this time last year, me and my beloved soulmate were sat in our living room watching the Eurovision Song Contest and marking the songs we liked. We were so happy, worry free and oblivious to cancer, illness, or what was to come. A year later, he is in a hospice receiving end of life care and I’m sat next to him in the room with a shattered and broken heart fearing the future and life without him. What a difference a year makes! It’s impossible to process 
so sorry for your loss.
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It’s the little things that we miss isn’t it.
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I’m so glad I started reading this forum where so many posts echo how I now feel. My husband, Bill, died 3 months ago and the bleakness is hitting me hard. Our younger son was married a fortnight ago so wedding prep and the buzz of family and friends carried me along. Now it’s all over, my sister is returning to Australia and I’m home alone, talking to the cat. I can’t allow myself to think through the many sad moments in the past few years when Bill had Alzheimers in addition to cancer but I think of our good times and much fun. The busyness of looking after him kept me strong. All those things are gone and nothing is filling the gaps.
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@bbbbb
Welcome to this site. I’m sorry you’re feeling as you do but then that is all of us. Each day a little step and memories. I don’t have any answers but keep on posting it’ll help you and you’ll always get a reply. Baby steps it doesn’t matter how long ago things happend it always seems as if it was yesterday. That’s grief and we’re all in it together. Hang on in there. Xx
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Thanks Tenpin, I’ll keep following and posting
You are so right in everything you say. Your mind is all over the place to begin with even if you knew the end was coming. You are surrounded by people and as weeks become months the support seems to ebb away and then reality hits. I feel very sad when I am with friends who have been married for more than fifty years and they chat away about what they are doing and where they are going to, oblivious of the agony
I am feeling as I try to sound pleased for them. It all seems so very unfair.
I found myself in the middle of a dept store earlier this week in floods of tears, everyone was just carrying on with their lives and I felt so alone.
This site keeps me going. Thank you to all the kind and thoughtful people on here.
It helps us all enormously to be able to talk to people who really understand the away journey we all found ourselves on.
I am so thankful that it is me who is going through it and not my dear Nigel .
Take care of yourselves every one.
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@manb im sorry to hear about your hubby passing of cancer i lost my dad here in 2021 to cancer and now my partner of 14 years Linda of covid that she caught in hospital while having treatment for her liver she was 53 ten years younger than me
yes its every year and in Brixham too very popular we used to go every year linda loved it all the fancy dress and tall ships and sea shanty groups tooits spread over the weekend i would have loved to pop over into the city from my side of the river plym bit im struggling to even get out of the door now i have the great memories bit it brings on the bad things take over that i cant make any more and just triggers my panic attacks and i just become a wreck i feel trapped now in a beautiful part of the country only to not be able to enjoy just existing not living as they say we got the food festival coming up too take care of you too hugs
Martin 
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Hi Beryl1B - it’s 4 am and I’ve given up trying to sleep but at least I managed to stop crying so that’s a win) and popped on here & read your post. Totally understand how you feel. I’m 7 months in with my 57th wedding anniversary fast approaching so I’m blaming that for how I’m feeling at the moment when I thought I was doing OK. Keep posting, always someone around xx
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