As we all know losing someone who you spent your life with and then to lose them, it leaves you high and dry.
I’m two years now since Bridget died, and a life that was filled with caring for someone and now finished, where do we go from here?
You become stuck getting used to your own company ( what choice is there) and realising that the years ahead are always going to be the same. Most of us only had that one person and never had a great social network to fall back on.
It frightens me to realise that I could become that type of person that cannot get used to being on my own, that I will crave company and cannot bear the loneliness.
Hi @Spledge I have experienced that, I was 55 when my husband passed & people said to me you’re still young enough to find someone else. I think they just don’t understand what it’s like to lose the love of your life. I just say, I don’t want or need anyone else. He was my one & although I get lonely, I’m lonely for him & he can’t be replaced.
its tough going down "memory lane"i tend to steer clear,but when its on your doorstep its not so easy especially as you have a dog and need to get out? yes,its a lovely part of the world,we are blessed with that bit,outside space is supposed to be a great healer,i feel better outside,but you have to get through the door first,and thats where its hard for you by the sounds of it. deep breaths martin.
oh beryl,you are so right,its tough, i m thankful its me not Adrian coping with this,my son feels the same about that too. i may feel empty but i function,keep the wheels turning,he wouldnt/couldnt. . .i read this site everyday,sometimes there are things to say,sometimes its read,realise maybe my life not so bad,or wow,im not alone. thanks everybody who reads/comments. take care
Good morning everyone, I have just been catching up, I think everybody’s post echoes could be written by any one of us. I cannot imagine the weeks and months ahead without my husband, don’t even want to think about years. My sleep pattern is all over the place so constantly exhausted. I’m scared to take anything prescribed but that may be the only option. I’ve tried herbal teas, drops etc but nothing seems to work.
I wish you all a better day
stick with us bbbb, this forum does fill some sort of gap,the ability to"off load/listen"to people we dont actually know who are sailing in the same storm…and we are getting to know each others stories,the similarities are the comforting bit,if comfort the right term,the patterns of grief,all so similar. its lovely weather,certainly keeping my head above water,it was the longest,darkest winter ever. im going down to the coast tomorrow for a few days,catch up with friends,it was our very special place,and sometimes thats bit tough,sometimes it makes me feel happy that we had 12 years of retirement together down there(we had a caravan,which i sold last month).take care everybody,keep talking x
You have a lovely few days away I’m doing a wk away mid June but don’t know if it’s a gd idea or not
I loath Sundays and hoping some one will come round maybe
herbal teas/lavender sprays.not sure if they do work,they didnt when adrian was still alive and i couldnr sleep with worry of what “lay ahead” then when he died i tried st johns wort too in the darkest days of the new year,but they upset my tummy. not gone down any medication route, i still spray the lavender,have camomile tea out of habit,and i do sleep better,but i guess because the issue that caused the insomnia has been taken from me? who knows,nothing makes much sense does it,does it make sense that i stood in the garden this morning shouting at him for leaving me,asking him where he was.? blimey hope nobody but the birds heard me,it was out of the blue reaction,and did i feel better for my little outburst? no,it upset me.! but ive off loaded my story,now i feel “better” thanks everybody for joining in/sharing,strangers are friends we have yet to meet
Oh yes know where your coming from I’ve been known to kick the wall saying how dare you leave me !! Today I don’t feel right 7 months after he passed but gotta get on with it
It frustrates me when there’s things I can’t do as he did
Yesterday bringing the washing in. I had a shout. Telling her how much i stilled love her and much i miss her and why did she leave me. Take care everyone.
Thank you for your response manb. Just being able to speak with someone who really understands your pain is a great help.
The last couple of years of my dear husband’s life were really tough for him and he fought so so hard but the Cancer was having none of it ! You don’t realise it at the time but you are already grieving for the person they were and the life you shared before it started to decline.
To begin with after his passing all I could think of were those last few weeks in the hospital and then the hospice. Fourteen months on all the many happy memories of our wonderful marriage begin to come to the forefront and you realise how many more of those there were than the awful time at the end.
I hope my thoughts will help in some way.
Take care of yourself.
@Beryl1B
I have just read your latest post and completely understand what you’re describing. My precious partner of 20 years is receiving end of life care in a hospice. The cancer has ravaged his body. I know that I am already grieving for so much…
the 6ft 2in tall fit, healthy, active man he was… his love for me and our wonderful life together… the fact that he has worked hard all his life to never reach retirement age (he’s just 58 years old)… a life cut short… all the things he should be enjoying (gardening/holidays/days out etc)… his beautiful blue eyes that sing and dance when he walks into a room… his gentle and kind heart … his amazing sense of humour… all the pain and suffering he has been through with this evil cancer… There is so much to grieve for. I know that life will never be the same again, ever. It just all seems so pointless and meaningless without him. I can’t bear it. Our dreams for the future are shattered along with my broken heart. I wish someone would wake me up from this living nightmare. It’s a hard pill to swallow
@manb yes ive tried going different places but staying close by because of Linda’s mum being alone don’t want her having another fall like she had two weeks ago fortunately i was in and she landed on bed so soft landing but bruised her leg a little got her back on feet from her knees scared me if im not here when it happens and yes getting out that door for those reasons alone is bad but memory lane really has a bite to it and staying local is what we did looking after her mum together as as linda would always say starsky and crutch team work it just overwhelms me to the core i was watching a ship come into port a coaster being escorted in by tugs into the dock linda would stand and watch it so many times even the ferry from roscof into the dock where she lived in when her dad was still alive at Millbay on her boat then i realise she isn’t next to me watching thats it then sets me off poor lily the dog just looks at me bless her i can see she misses her mum too and there regenerating the area now to attract more people to come across the river to this side from the Barbican so it be even more busy when they spent all the millions doing it up least the ferry make more money keep them busy yep Very Deep Breaths i think this rate il need an oxygen tank esp it more tourists start to come over this side of the river so much for the peace and quiet thank you for your kind words here goes another sunday
Take care lovely x
oh ,heartofgold, my heart goes out to you,i think those of us who have watched cancer take its toll have grieved from the day we knew there was no recovery. people used to say i looked sicker than my husband,i never slept,the worry of how i would deal with "end of life"aware of limited resources in end of life care. a cardiac arrest(toxic effect of palliative chemo) put paid to my worries…i thought so,no more pain/chemo. it seemed some sort of consolation at the time,i was numb with shock. but now i feel like we were robbed of extra time together,stick with us on here,wish i could wave a magic wand to make the pain go away for you,we all do. take care x
@Beryl1B
I can’t begin to imagine what you are going through watching your partner battling this dreadful disease. My heart goes out to both of you.
It makes me grateful that my John at 6ft 3” tall and fit went so suddenly.
Either way is a very hard cross to bear but I think watching n caring for someone as I did with my mum until she passed and as you are now with your partner is double heartbreak.
I hope you have close family and friends because they will help and to come on here and vent your feelings can be a comfort
oh dear,i think i have got some of your stories/names/how to reply mixed up,not great at following the threads/anything techno. So VERY SORRY if i have upset anybody in my mix up.heart and words in the right place,just wrong direction maybe. x
Good morning Beryl, having just read your post, I am so sorry to know you are going through this. May God give you strength, my husband passed very suddenly so didn’t experience this awful suffering. Please take care of yourself, keep posting, everybody here is so supportive.
My heart goes out to you xx
Thank you Aine for your kind and supportive words. When I was young my first husband died suddenly and it was completely unexpected, so a massive shock. To be honest neither way is good.
The shock made me very unwell for some time. The second time you begin to grieve when you are given the diagnosis even though you may not realise as you try to fight against the inevitable . I suppose from the point of view of sudden death you know that their suffering was brief. So, what I am trying to say is that neither way is good but maybe you can take comfort in knowing they didn’t suffer and they will never have to suffer from losing you.
Sorry to waffle on but it’s all I have left , and I do think if you reach out to others it may help them and make you feel that in some small way you are still of some use.
All the love and care you have given to your partner suddenly has nowhere to go.
Take care and thank you.
it just overwhelms me to the core i was watching a ship come into port a coaster being escorted in by tugs into the dock linda would stand and watch it so many times even the ferry from roscof into the dock where she lived in when her dad was still alive at Millbay on her boat then i realise she isn’t next to me watching thats it then sets me off poor lily the dog just looks at me bless her i can see she misses her mum too and there regenerating the area now to attract more people to come across the river to this side from the Barbican so it be even more busy when they spent all the millions doing it up least the ferry make more money keep them busy 
yep Very Deep Breaths i think this rate il need an oxygen tank esp it more tourists start to come over this side of the river so much for the peace and quiet 
thank you for your kind words here goes another sunday
x