yes,it really is good therapy,some days,i dont log on as i feel upbeat,sometimes i just read,and maybe feel saddened,as some of you are struggling more than me,somedays i just need to get on here and “shout”,and when i shout there is always somebody listening. x
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I lost my wife twice, once with dementia back in 2016/17 when she didn’t recognise me and when she died in 2023.,
I try to make sense of it all sometimes but realise that sooner or later something would have got one of us and it was her rather than me and I’m left to pick up the pieces and face this life alone now.
Some can say well, that’s part of my life gone and I’ll need to get on with what’s left. All well and good but, when you’ve been with someone for over 25 good years and have known them completely, how do you move on? What can you do to fill that hole that’s left?
My wife is in the very fabric of the house and I don’t want to do what some do and move into somewhere else. It’s our home, my home.
I wish sometimes it had been me not her. But then she would’ve gone through this heartbreak
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It’s Saturday evening and I feel that everyone is doing something. I’m watching a silly movie and wondering what others are up to on the weekend.
Could it be that some of us on our own just feel at a loss to know what to do. Suppose I should feel thankful that I’m warm, had a nice meal and comfortable. But I’d like to have had all that with my Bridget. It didn’t matter that we did little. We just had each other
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I’m sitting st my laptop just scrolling through. Bored. Another Saturday night alone. Soon going to bed so that I can read till the early hours, just waiting for sleep.
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I too am in bed as it’s a bit of a nest for me, cozy, warm, able to read and get lost in a book
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@Peter11
I know what you mean about Saturday night or indeed any night alone at home without our loved one.
It’s awful and can be depressing if we let it.
I always try and think of all those people at home alone right now who have never been fortunate to have had what I had with John or you had with your Bridget
Yes they’re not mourning or grieving or crying like we are but that means they’ve never lived, cherished, laughed and cried with a person they adore and haven’t felt the love from that special one…
Just wish I still had that special one…
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Hadn’t heard about the dementia/cancer relationship before but it makes sense now. Thank you.
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me too ,laptop my companion,i do crosswords/quizzing,anything to stop me feeling gloon n doom,my concentration isnt up to much when it comes to the tv, a good book tho’ can draw me in. i was tired last night ,i did some DIY yesterday,second day in a row,getting quite handy,but tiredness didnt last it was peppermint tea at 02.00, wondering what it will be like going through this routine of nothingness till whenever …shame as i have been sleeping quite well,sea air knocked me out last week,plus i was out seeing people,chatting,months ago my son suggested i do some charity work,daytime not the problem,i can keep reasonably well occupied,its the twilight hours isnt it? anyway,i ramble,this is all a bit disjointed! take care all x
How are you doing ?
Definitely the twilight hours are difficult. I read until 3 am and was up at 7 am. Need more sleep but resigned to not getting it!
It’s differently one of them weekend’s for me. Friday night the start of week 17. Then today is the 4 month mark, since i lost my Sue.
Counselling finished last Thursday. So iam sat here alone,wondering what is keeping me going. Being crying most of the morning. I hope this is just a bad weekend. I have tried this past week to be more positive. I am learning to put the mask on,but like the rest all i want is the impossible, my soul mate.
@Nightwish1
I also am not liking this weekend and I can’t understand when I’ve been sort of ok the last 2/3 weeks.
This morning is one of the worst, crying since 8ish n feeling very sad.
I, like you, try to be positive but it’s exhausting putting on the mask…
It’s coming up to the 3 month mark next week and it’s felt like a lifetime already.
We can only hope n pray that one day we will live side by side with the grief we feel and can batter it down when it rears its ugly head
I just want to feel genuinely happy again but as we know it’s going to take a long time with bloody obstacles that will make us spiral downwards.
What can we do except accept it…
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its total crap,this is the most weepy i have felt for ages(7 months on my own).i was away last week,felt really +ve about life,but now its “home alone”,overwhelmed with sadness…as we all are by the sounds of it x
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After 7months on my own. I still feel.suicidal when i wake up alone for yet another day of total dispair and unhappiness. I still can’t believe John would really leave me alone as he knows i won’t cope alone. What do i do with old tins and postcards and his matchbox collection and beermats. The house is full of of clutter like railway books and all John s nicnacs. What do i do with them all. I don’t really want to go through things one at a.time but don’t know what to do with them. He has albums of first day covers of stamps going back at least 30 yrs. It seems a pity to put them all in the bin. Anyone any ideas.what i do with the them ? We must all keep trying to get through this
But for the life of me i don’t know why xx
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I’m the same, 8 months in tomorrow and still got to go through all his things. My 2 girls want to be with me when I do it but none of us can bring ourselves to even make a start.
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@Yewtree
I don’t think any of us thought we’d be left and it’s just horrible.
Maybe you can get someone to help with your hubbys’ collections. They might be worth something and he obviously liked collecting things so don’t just bin them. Set out to see if they are collectibles. That could keep you occupied for ages…and might help with your grief…x
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@Abbiesnan
I know what you mean about going through his things
I’m meant to be going through John’s wardrobe as his house is now on the market. Me n his niece have mentioned next Wednesday and I think that’s why I am so weepy n upset today.
I don’t think I can do it and it’s a dread but will have to try…I don’t want anyone else going through his clothes
I am 6 months on this road, i know exactly where you are, its horrible, i still have not dealt with my Davids hospital case, and like your John my David collected stuff, and like you dont know what to do with the stamps, tools, somedays i have good intentions, it dont last long, its emotionally draining and physically tiring, but i know i have to do something, their are no children to help either.
We have to be kind to ourselves, i have been told i will know when i am ready.
I just keep putting it off. My girls want some of his clothes to have memory bears made so I’ve had my orders not to get rid of anything until they’ve gone through it! but it’s hanging over me.
I am nowhere near sorting clothes out.I don’t like the idea of seeing anyone in John’s clothes but realise i am probably being a bit selfish. We have old packs of playing cards some from opening of suez canal. But who wants them?, i’m loathe to dump them all. We have loads of old phones like answer phones with handset attached still in their boxes but again where do they go. I can’t be bothered to put them individually on ebay. Working out how much they’re worth then the packing and postage costs. All these things will probably be dumped because i’m sick of seeing them . Any advice will be helpful. Xxxx