I’m here waiting patiently for a autoglass man to turn up. Broken windscreen
To be restricted to the home reminds me when I was ill 18 months ago and I just sat in a chair all day. Couldn’t move.
I’ve no one to care for now which is not a blessing because when Bridget was in the care home at least I saw her, comforted her, spoilt her, fought her corner. Now nothing and I feel spare.
I can’t move on and, to be honest, I’m not sure I want to. Sometime I’m happy to be sad remembering and missing her. Is that weird? The sadness glues her to me again. But it hurts so much sometimes that I want it to go away. In fact I’m crying now writing this and my throat hurts. You know the feeling I’m sure.
I think sometimes about another close friend but would it be fair on them the way I am now? Are we ever ready for closeness again after losing someone we knew for so long?
Hey Peter its so frustrating waiting for things to get done i think its worse now my Linda not here id be doing something for her or us at least or just chat over coffee about what we had to do today sorry dementia is cruel so sorry wish they could find the breakthrough to eradicate it i too having a bad day went to this place they have for bloods to be taken its a bit away from where I am takes 20 mins at least but rush hour time nearer 40 got there massive que waited booked in pr tried no your not on the system what drs rang me friday saying they wanted me to have it so she have results on wed this week for my appointment as its flagging up anaemia now grrrr wont do it try ring them oh right yeah got back in car 16 in que dont think so so headed back the 40 min drive back to other side of plymouth popped into drs oh sorry it hadn’t been put on grrrr again but its on now if you want to go er No i dam well dont want to drive back where ive just come from so guess dr aint gona my results on wed im restricting myself in the house now i just cant walk around where me and Linda used to be together its nice having memories but the realisation that we won’t be making more memories just too much and end up a mess i cant talk to my Linda’s mum who I’m caring for now i dont want to upset her so i sort of get where your coming from Peter and that same with her daughter who i spoke to after she rang me yest but she was in bits after trying to bury the pain i knew it was gona hit her eventually doing that and has it but she 300 miles away could give her a hug
Take care fella try stay strong its bloidy hard i know thinking of you
Martin
@Peter11 a friend of mine just sent me this as he has been on this road we travel now esp your journey Peter with your wonderful Bridgette my friend ot just struck a chord with me esp sending it to me just now thought id share it my friend if thats ok Take care
Martin
If I get dementia, I want my friends and family to embrace my reality. Just go with it & have fun!
If I think my spouse is still alive, or if I think we’re visiting my parents for dinner, let me believe those things. I’ll be much happier for it.
If I get dementia, don’t argue with me about what is true for me versus what is true for you.
If I get dementia, and I am not sure who you are, do not take it personally. My timeline is confusing to me, and I may not even recognize my own reflection in the mirror.
If I get dementia, and can no longer use utensils, do not start feeding me. Instead, switch me to a finger-food diet, and see if I can still feed myself first.
If I get dementia, and I am sad or anxious, hold my hand and listen. Do not tell me that my feelings are unfounded. Sing or dance with me to distract and make me laugh.
If I get dementia, I don’t want to be treated like a child. Talk to me like the adult that I am. Don’t talk to me like I’m stupid, and don’t let anyone else do it.
If I get dementia, I still want to enjoy the things that I’ve always enjoyed. Help me find a way to do some of it.
If I get dementia, ask me to tell you a story from my past, even if it’s the same one you always hear.
If I get dementia, and I become agitated, take the time to figure out what is bothering me. Be patient. I’m probably frustrated because I can’t express myself, I’ve lost my independence, I’m not feeling well, or I’m feeling fearful or anxious.
If I get dementia, treat me the way that you would want to be treated.
If I get dementia, make sure that there are plenty of snacks for me. Even now, if I don’t eat I get hangry, and if I have dementia, I may have trouble explaining what I need.
If I get dementia, don’t talk about me as if I’m not in the room. Don’t let anyone else do it.
If I get dementia, don’t feel guilty if you cannot care for me 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It’s not your fault, and you’ve done your best. Find someone who can help you, or choose a great new place for me to live.
If I get dementia, and I live in a dementia care community, please visit me often.
If I get dementia, don’t act frustrated if I mix up names, events, or places. Take a deep breath. It’s not my fault. I’m trying.
If I get dementia, make sure I always have my favorite music playing within earshot. Turn my favorite show on.
If I get dementia, and I like to pick up items and carry them around, help me return those items to their original place. Don’t accuse me of stealing stuff.
If I get dementia, don’t exclude me from parties and family gatherings. I need stimulation, whether I realize it or not.
If I get dementia, know that I still like receiving hugs, kisses, and touches. As a matter of fact, I need it.
If I get dementia, remember that I am still the person you know and love in this shell. I am still those memories. I still love you.
ᴄᴏᴘʏ ᴀɴᴅ ᴘᴀsᴛᴇ in Honor of someone you know or knew who has dementia. In Honor of all those I know and love and lost who are fighting Dementia/Alzheimer’s.
Beryl How awful you have had to suffer this terrible pain and despair twice. I am hoping that in time I will be grateful my husband was spared a lingering painful passing. For now I feel the suddenness makes it very difficult to accept. It is 12 weeks ago tonight and I carry awful guilt that I did not spot something and act sooner.
No you are not waffling, please do not ever think that.
I wish you a restful night x
Hi @Peter11 I recently lost my Mum & she had dementia, I was her main carer until she had to move into a care home. I felt very guilty about that but she had begun to wander & as much as we tried everything I couldn’t be there 24 hours a day. Trying to cope with caring for someone with dementia is a difficult road. No one can get it 100% right & who’s to say that that list is right. We do the best we can in a situation we’re not prepared for. Sending love
I guess I’ll always feel a little guilty because I can always think of something I could’ve done differently. But dementia pushes carers to their limits and in the end she needed more than I could do. I would’ve been very ill as well.
Dementia is so awful both for the person and close carers. My husband had cancer and Alzheimers. It amazed me when I saw other people with cancer who knew what was happening with their care, medications etc. I had to remind myself that many cancers don’t impair people’s mental capabilities. On the other hand - sometimes for the better, sometimes worse - my husband lived about 4 months beyond his oncologist’s prognosis. The hospice-at-home co-ordinator said that wasn’t uncommon when a person has dementia and therefore isn’t stressing about their terminal cancer. But I saw no other ‘upsides’ to dementia.
I’m finding it so difficult now to know what to do.
Even when Bridget was here at home with her dementia I had a purpose and job. In the care home I visited regularly and helped them when I was there. Now I wonder how we were just being normal years ago.
Being on your own without someone who you knew for so many years is extremely boring. I could join stuff, get a hobby, all those interests that people suggest, but what’s the point. Doing it on your own is lonely and empty. Is this it now? Is this how it’s going to be until I die?
In many ways it’s frightening and I dread the future that could be more of the same.
Peter, i felt exactly the same having cared for my Darling wife for 20 odd years with her Parkinson’s. When she left me, I wondered what was the point of me, a huge hole in my life, hours of time suddenly empty. I could not do anything about it at first. I belonged to my wife’s book club, I missed the first meeting and three of the members phoned me and asked me to still come, Some had been through this hard time themselves, so understood. The village runs a Bereavement cafe that meets once a month and I was reluctantly persuaded to go, it helped. There are other things going on like Pickaflick which is a film and a light lunch, they seat 6 to 8 to a table so you end up chatting. It all helped me. I will never be over the loss of my Darling wife and will always love and miss her. But I am starting to manage the grief a little better. I hope that something turns up to make your life a little better.
It difficult to describe. I’m uncomfortable about making new connections with new friends as this life I have now could bring up more hurt and I’ve had enough of that over the years.
When I look back over the pictures of my Bridget I realise that my connection to her is so strong that I’m fooling myself when I think that I can move on. The upset I feel and the heartbreak I experience almost keeps me company and forms such a connection that i feel that’s all I want - I want no one else. And I know it’s probably not healthy but the sense of her is so strong.
She was all to me and me to her. Everything else is less significant
It’s so understandable. I think we all feel that way. The weekend is fast approaching and I hate the weekends, always feel so alone. We don’t necessarily have to move on, just learn to live each day, one day at a time.
I see it as moving forward not moving on, you never really move on. You don’t leave your loved one behind, you carry them with you. You don’t ever stop grieving you learn to live with your grief. I found this poem really helped me, sending love
hello everybody,i have a few days away ,down in our “special place”,it was emotional at times,but a nice emotional,being with lovely people,being spoilt rotton.made to feel so very welcome. now the emotions are different,bank holiday weekend,its wet,the family are away, as its half term,so its me and the housework,at least the garden gets a water from above,i guess im not alone,in being alone. love to all
I know just how you feel. Lovely to get away if you can, but not so good coming home to that empty house. I dread the weekends, especially bank holiday like this one as my family will be away which makes me feel even more lonely.
im restricting myself in the house now i just cant walk around where me and Linda used to be together its nice having memories but the realisation that we won’t be making more memories just too much and end up a mess i cant talk to my Linda’s mum who I’m caring for now i dont want to upset her so i sort of get where your coming from Peter and that same with her daughter who i spoke to after she rang me yest but she was in bits after trying to bury the pain i knew it was gona hit her eventually doing that and has it but she 300 miles away could give her a hug
