I have my counselling through a hospice where I live. The wait on NHS was too long and private therapists were too expensive so I’m lucky to be able to have sessions with the hospice.
Hello Yewtree, my Ian died on April 7. He loved the garden and after working in it, used to sit in a particular spot, in the sunshine, reading his newspaper. We put his ashes into the garden close to where he used to sit and planted a rose bush there. It’s called ‘You’re My Everything’. He is still my everything and always will be. It’s flowering beautifully and I sit there now, where he would have been sitting. I feel as if I’m holding myself tightly, scared to let go of myself in case I break up completely. We were together for 55 years.
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Hi Yewtree,
The ashes is what you feel comfortable with and when you are ready. I changed my mind about Sue’s, i was going to scatter them on her favourite beach. Now we are going to be scattered together on her favourite beach. I like the idea of us been scattered together.
Again with the bedroom it is what you feel comfortable with, if you are not ready don’t do it. To be honest i don’t think the hurt every ends, it is official i have cried eveyday since Sue went ahead. As i write this it is a bright blue sky, but i don’t care as i know i should be walking on a beach holding Sue’s hand. Instead I’m here. Take care
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good morning yewtree, i saw the "bed"question,i moved into another room,its dusky rose and cream,very feminine,and a single bed,i thought superking bedding too much for me to handle/fight with alone. im very comfy in my "girlie"room.
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My husband died September last year and this June would’ve been our 57th wedding anniversary so I bought the rose You’re My Everything for him. I have small paved garden so it’s in a pot where it seems to be doing well. but I’m no gardener so time will tell! Did you know it was rose of the year 2025? Today my daughter took me to the crematorium which was having a community day so that we could have a good look around the beautiful gardens & woodland to try and decide on what we will do with the ashes. This has come about because both my daughters feel the need to have somewhere to visit & talk to their dad especially on days like his birthday or father’s day. I thought I would be OK but I was so wrong, as soon as we got there and was approached by a member of staff the tears started but it was useful & I totally changed my mind about what I originally thought & it was such a totally peaceful & tranquil place, surrounded by nature, that I knew he would be happy there. Oh boy, is it going to be horrendously expensive!!! so some numbers have to be crunched, but I will do this for him.
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My Bill’s ashes have been interred in our local churchyard with a headstone, which is what he wanted. There is room on the headstone for me and my ashes will join his when my time comes.
I have to say that neither of his children offered to pay anything towards the headstone. 
I don’t think I would have taken anything from them, as it was the last thing I could do for Bill, but they could have offered.
I’ve just been to put flowers in the local cemetery where my Nan’s and my Auntie’s ashes are buried. It would have been my Nan’s birthday today. She passed away in1991.
Taking flowers to Bill’s this afternoon. It’s in a new part of the churchyard and very quiet and peaceful. Always have tears as I miss him so much.
Some places you have described for ashes sound really nice and peaceful. It’s really such a personal matter isn’t it. I think we all have to do what we feel is right for our loved ones.
Love and hugs to you all 
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My granddaughters bought a ‘You’re My Everything’ rose bush for my Ian, their grandad, who died in April. His ashes are in our garden with this beautiful rose planted above it. It’s just gorgeous.
adrian is in the crematorium gardens,i had so many ideas about where to scatter him,favorite places,but felt it would be more upset each time we put some of him somewhere, “you are my sunshine” rose for his 80th 4 weeks ago has lost all its petals in the wind/rain,it looks like its doing well in its pot,surprising as everything else is looking rough,time will tell,next year it will have a longer flowering season in my care…if care is the right word,its all hit and miss with me and the garden! mandy
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We have 3 local churches but none of them have churchyard, that would’ve been my first choice. The local cemetery is absolutely enormous and not very well kept unfortunately, however the crem is beautifully maintained and all the memorials are well cared for but unless I just choose to have ashes scattered in the garden (free) everything is horrendously expensive. My daughters and I want something “visual” that we can sit by at the times we feel the need to be closer to him.
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Another Sunday,not my favourite day of the week,i went out for the afternoon yesterday,i enjoyed myself,today im empty,looking at the clock willing bed time to come round,i could have taken myself out for a stroll,but no enthusiasm for walking around the town,also its very hot today,not nice to sit out for very long with my book,im telling myself to get motivated,but im not listening,maybe tomorrow will be better.
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A friend of mine, whose husband died within a few weeks of my husband,
has an arch in her garden and she has planted a rose on either side. Her husband’s ashes have been placed in the ground surrounding the rose. When her time comes her ashes will be beneath the other rose. Maybe that could be an option for you.
My husbands ashes are in the cemetery in the village where I live. I find visiting the grave very difficult. So, I have planted a rose in a pot. It is called ‘you are my everything’. I find taking care of the rose very helpful and has far more meaning to me than the actual grave.
We are all different but I hope that sharing this with you may be of some small help to you over such a tough and emotional decision. Take care of yourself and I am pleased for you that you have two lovely daughters. It is they who are the best memorial to your husband .
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I have that rose, I bought it on what would’ve been our 57th wedding anniversary. The problem I have with having the ashes in my garden is that the house is my daughters’ inheritance and will be sold on my death and we don’t like the thought of his ashes being buried in someone else’s garden, and I want our ashes to be togther. The crem has many choices and one of them is a rose garden where the ashes are buried beneath a rosebush in a brick circle, with the option of having a granite name plaque too. It is maintained and protected by the team at the crem and replaced should it die, no matter how many times for however long you choose (to pay) to lease it. The rose garden is a peaceful haven with benches for you to sit and visit. This all comes at a price of course!
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i have adrians dedication rose and a plaque on my patio, we both decided that neither one of us would go and visit crem/burial ground,so our ashes would be scattered at the crem,its easy making decisions for final wishes,but not always do they suit after the event,luckily i dont regret our choices,i talk to him all day,not sure i mean too,but i find myself chatting away as if hes here,todays hes heard nothing but me moaning about the issues with mothers "council provided"care team,or is that “care-less” team. luckily my lead private carer has it in hand,above and beyond the call of duty to give me a break from hastle,still adds to the anxiety tho’…being so reliant on other people to guide me. hope everybody ok today. mandy
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That is a very good idea, especially as you discussed & agreed it together. However, we have two adult daughters and 2 adult granddaughters, all of whom would like somewhere to visit when they feel the need to speak to him or on days like his birthday or father’s day. Also, on a more morbid note, they want my ashes to be with him (so do I) so we remain together as and when they visit. A lot will depend on the final cost, you have to pay for 20 year lease in addition to the memorial itself, so even if our hearts want something, the bank might not be so willing!
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wow,i had no idea of the cost implications. our son went along with our wishes,never asked for anything to be done differently,maybe because we dont live close enough to share places to go,or its not what he would choose to do? i dunno,this,our first year without him he has “dealt” with the anniversary days "his way"my wonderful daughter in law keeps close eye that he is ok…and me,cant ask for more. take care mandy
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ive woken having “flash backs” today,cant reason why,its not nice,does anybody else have this…its just over 10 months,and so vivid.
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Hi manb,
I have flashbacks, every Friday night i relive that night,from Sue collapsing, to me coming home from the hospital alone. Its over six months. Yes i still see it at other times. Twice i have fallen asleep before the time Sue went ahead,and have woken up at that time screaming and crying. Take care
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umm,its thursday today,it was a thursday when he arrested,he felt so “rubbish” from chemo that he went for a stroll…and never came home. Thanks for sharing your experience,take care. mandy
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Good morning, just over 5 months for me, still get flashbacks regularly. Can hit at any time. Xx
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Like Nightwish, I usually have mine on a Wednesday, the day my Michael suddenly had his sudden cardiac arrest; 9 weeks this week. I also regularly have beautiful, random flashbacks which should normally be comforting, but at the moment they are so painful and a reminder of what I have lost and will never have again. My love to you and all of you living with this pain and loss. Xxx
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