I’m sorry @Beryl1b that things are so painful at the moment. It’s interesting to hear you say the pain feels more intense at the moment, as that’s exactly how I feel, which I didn’t expect at the two year mark. I was also so shocked for such a long time I don’t feel I really grieved properly. I tried to get some counselling but the organisation had a waiting time of more than 6 months so I left it but think I might revisit the idea.
I’m sorry you’re having to go through this a second time as I’m sure that must make things even harder. I guess you have to look at the positives, that you were so happy with someone a second time around. I’m glad your family came round to the idea of you getting together with Nigel and that they are close by now so you have some company as support.
So sorry you are feeling so hopeless but I’m sure you are a stronger woman than what you think you are.
To lose two husbands must be so traumatic but you had many happy years as well as the sad times. Sometimes though it’s just the horrid memories that take centre stage.
I sincerely hope your family is a comfort to you.
I lost my John suddenly without warning after just being together for two and a half years which is nothing in comparison but it hit like a fast train.
It’s been the worst time of my life and the first and last thing I think of each day and in between is John. I have good n bad days and I honestly don’t think I would ever be able to love someone again for fear of maybe being left like this once more.
Possibly I’m being cowardly thinking that way but I don’t want to put myself through anything like this a second time although if we fall for someone then there’s nothing much we can do about that…
So you see Beryl you are actually a strong, brave lady who had two wonderful chances of love, whereas I’m afraid to even think of it.
Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me. I am always surprised at the kindness of strangers, whereas some people whom you have known for a long time seem to turn away from your pain. I know what you mean about never taking life for granted. The knowledge of how quickly life can change makes you appreciate every moment together. My three sons were very happy for me, but Nigel’s children less so, until it was made clear to them that we were together because we loved one another and that their inheritance would be intact for their benefit !
I must admit my naivety in thinking their Dad’s happiness would be top of their agenda. Thank you again for your kindness.
Thank you for your kindness and understanding. Life never stops presenting you with challenges. Maybe, we are the fortunate ones because we have known true love otherwise we wouldn’t be feeling our loss so deeply. Quality not quantity, although both would be best. Take care and thank you.
Thank you Mitzi. I have read your messages before and I can tell that you really do understand true love and loss. Just one empathetic person makes up for the many who seem incapable of recognising our , so often, hidden pain. Take care and thank you.
Reading your message brings home to me the pain I am in and my dark thoughts I met Simon 30 years ago after a divorce my choice to leave a alcoholic gosh Simon and I were soo in love I thought I was in love first marriage but no meeting Simon was beautiful he treated me like a princess told everyone how much he loved me then Cancer came 2 years ago during his battle I heard My exhusband had died alone which made me sad but Simon was my love of my life Simon had horrible death now 5 months on I am starting to think how sad both my husband’s have gone
Hello Beryl, I just read your posts and am so sorry you are so low. People call this a journey. The problem is we usually choose a journey and know the eventual destination. In our situations, this is an unchosen journey and we have no idea where it will lead. Your post shows your great love and loss. We do understand that because we can totally empathise with it. I think,personally, that feeling so alone with our true feelings makes things so much worse. I have hidden away recently because I have no energy for pretending I am coping well and being ‘strong’. What is so great about being strong and who are we being strong for? Dearest Beryl, I am thinking of you and sending love and hugs. You have been so kind to me in the past. I want to say more, but much would sound like clichés. You have known great love and you feel great love and I read recently that Grief is love with nowhere to go. I recognise that. I wish so much that I had shown my Michael more love when he was here. I know he knew how much I loved him but oh goodness, I could be a grumpy mare at times! All my love Beryl. Xxxx
We can all be grumpy mares at times…
I have to admit I wasn’t with John but we were in ‘honeymoon ‘period although we had one or two good arguments but never sulked, well not for long…!!!
Your Michael loved you whether you were grumpy at times just as you loved him when he was….
I hope you decide soon to stop hiding away and be with your family n friends and if you’re not coping just tell them it’s not a great day…
We find it very hard to say those simple words and we really shouldn’t..
It’s a year since John left me and I’m still broken Nothing has improved it’s just as bad as when he first left I try to fight but really there’s no point. He’s not walking beside me or looking over me if he was he would have helped me yesterday. Whilst in Darlington i. fell on some steps and had my purse stolen from my bag . There was over £200 in cash in it and my 3 bank cards. But the main loss was the personal things like photos and my dads memorial card my donor card was there too. Also my. Bus pass so I’ll have to stay in till I get new cards. If John was around i like to think he would have warned me somehow. But he’s not. It all just compounds my view there’s no good on the world and I’m right in longing to leave .
Thank you Mitzi. I seem to be going more and more into myself. I hope it’s a phase. I think I had been keeping so busy and was so wanting to put a mask on so other people wouldn’t get fed up with me or lose patience, that I am just depleted of all energy. I never do well at this time of year anyway so SAD is adding to things. My love to you and I hope you are doing as well as you can be. Xxxx
So sorry for whats happened to you it just makes matters worse my main problem is the anger that keeps coming back for why my lovely wife was taken from me you must feel the same about your john along with the hopelessness and despair but you have been strong enough to carry on for a year and that counts for something it helps me to mix socially and find aims in life i know its nothing but a distraction but it gives me a chance to deal with my situation a bit at a time so it cannot overwhelm me i will in time learn to live with it and unlike a lot of people posting my wife passed away just over 3 months ago but my grieving started on her incurable/ inoperable diagnosis over 7 years ago stay strong and seek help ,my volunteering with our local hospice has shown me at least there is still good in this world the people who work there give freely of their time most having being through something similar to us take care but reach out by joining a club or going to a coffee morning the company helps
So sorry to hear about your horrible experience . It’s bad enough to fall but so cruel that somebody took advantage of your plight. It’s at times like this that you feel your loss even more. Fortunately there are also some very kind people who only want to help and support others despite how difficult their own lives may be. This forum has kept me going every time I fall and I have been fortunate to experience the support of some very special people, including yourself. Take care and keep posting, we all need one another. X
Hi julie yes as i was a full time carer for the last 5 years we became more and more isolated then when my wife passed away i was left almost totally isolated ,i have 2 sons one lives 235 miles away the other i see more but he does not drive you go from doing everything to nothing on top of the shock and grief and it was a very difficult last 3 weeks the social contact with the volunteering and gym 3 times a week is helping my mental and physical well being if i were you i would definitely stay in work if your coping i needed a shift quickly though as they have invited me to the christmas get together and i would of felt strange going if i had not started take care
You sound in a better frame of mind since you started .
I have also started swimming 3 times a week .
I dont want to be dependent on my children .my daughter also lives 200miles away .ive been into London with her this weekend .
My son is only 10 mins and hes got 2 gorgeous children .they brighten my life .
Its 10 months and I’ve felt its been harder the last few weeks .my husband passed suddenly. I think Christmas coming and his 1st anniversary is making me panic abit .
But when im ready im going to make the most of my life because he hasn’t had that chance
wise words about “getting on with your life”hope you feel ready soon,its made such a difference to me feeling more confident about how i must deal with whats ahead,and doing things for ME x
I find you comments interesting, I’m on 9 months. Just done my two firsts Sue’s birthday and wedding anniversary.
I don’t know if the weather, we both enjoyed autumn and are walks,but it does seem to be getting harder to motivate myself. I volunteer once a week and go to a bereavement coffee morning which we now meet up once a week. I can’t drive at the moment, so I have to really on the bus.
My family and friends live a long way away, but it seems it’s up to me all the time to get in touch, so I feel like a burden even though I have not seen them for months, and nobody has been up to see me, since Sue’s funeral in February. I travelled down to see them. I’ve tried indoor bowling, because it was local,but I don’t think it’s for me. So the bottom line is I am finding it harder at the moment. Sorry just rambling.
Yes Julie it’s the social interaction after so many years isolated it’s giving me a fresh perspective on life and life’s for living, the exercise is good too for years not able to go far even with the wheelchair as Sharon became frailer so I know I have her blessing I just need to rebuild some kind of new normal life and I know it will take time keep up the swimming you sound like your getting there but we still have some hurdles for me xmas and Valentine’s Day it was her birthday don’t be too hard on yourself dig deep and ride out the storm hopefully calm seas after that and hopefully at some time for everyone posting on here
