@JAH25 I feel exactly the same as you. My husband died suddenly and very unexpectedly in January. I too can’t get my head around Christmas and the anniversary soon after. Christmas daty is my birthday and it was so lovely last year. Then he died soon after. One of my sons lives abroad and is coming home for Christmas with his German wife. I am taking both sons and partners for a Center Parcs break between Christmas and New Year as his wife will love that. I too intend to start swimming etc in the New Year and living my life. His future was taken away from him I thought we had so many years. Still can’t believe it really.
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Morning…I keep as busy as I can but sometimes it’s hard trying to fill in the time but then again I didn’t before John passed, I had my solitary times doing nothing, so why do I feel the need to keep doing something..
It’s just to keep those very sad feelings at bay I suppose.
I am so very happy you are finding your way forward, it takes some doing but we all have to try.
Life is for living and with the dark times comes the light. The dark times are tough but somehow we find the strength to get through.
This coming Saturday is the day we scatter Johns ashes so I think the lead up this week is going to be a tad emotional for me so I’m just going to try and weather the storm of tears that are bubbling…
Take care.
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Mitzi1
My path is a little different than a lot on here with Sharon having cancer for 10 years then the terrible diagnosis inoperable/ incurable 7 years ago it has been an emotional rollercoaster I have not said this before but while she was still able she used to slip out of bed at night thinking I was asleep and go into the lounge and sob her heart out all I could do was go and cuddle her I know she is no longer in pain no matter how much I long for her to be back with me I do not have to endure the helplessness of being able to do anything to help I will never forget but the good memories of our very close connection is what I remember and will carry with me always, dig deep and I will be thinking of you on Saturday
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You sound in a similar situation to me .we were married 39 years .I think when its sudden shock takes over for a few months then reality .I also can’t believe it has happened .I woke this week in the middle of the night in a panic feeling his side of the bed. Until I remembered .
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Its early days for me ..my aunty said it took her 2 years before she lifted her head ready to get on with her life .you give me hope .
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We were married 33 years but lived together 7 years before that. I made myself go to my friend’s Villa in Spain for a few nights with my girlfriends. It was lovely but sad as me and him holidayed frequently. Still I am determined to eventually pick myself up and get on with my life. Just want to get through the winter .
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Shock seems to be the body’s way of protecting itself. There is no set time scale and to feel the pressure of having to be ‘ok’ just makes it that much harder. I was first widowed when I was young . A heart attack without any warning. I was widowed again last year after a very difficult time for my dear Nigel due to Cancer. Experience has shown me that neither the timing nor circumstances makes any difference to the shock, whether it’s immediate or some months or even years after it always finds its’ way to affect us. The society in which we live doesn’t really cater for death and the subsequent suffering of those left behind almost seems to be ‘an inconvenience’ to others who prefer to ignore the reality of our suffering. We are all different and yet grief somehow brings us together in a way that only those of us who have, and continue to suffer, can possibly understand. By continuing to reach out on here to one another we are helping ourselves and others to survive and maybe one day live again, however unlikely that may feel at this time. X to you all
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Ive had a few holidays with my daughter , just got back form watching moulin rouge in London with her .she’s been a star .its coming home to an empty house and having no one there to tell about it that hurts .while we are away she texts her partner and I miss that 
Ten years is an awful long long time and seven years knowing that it was inoperable is beyond comprehension…
I think she must have been a very brave woman with a wonderful husband to help her.
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I so resonate with this. That feeling never leaves you, that coming home to an empty house. Also when I’m out with friends they’re talking about their lives & husbands or as you say texting them or receiving them & there’s always that feeling of sadness, after 6 years I’ve learned to hide it well but it’s always there. Love to all 
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Im at the stage where im putting off seeing friends,I cant bear to here about their lives .not all happy but then i think why my husband when we where happy .
How is your life now ? Do you just learn to get on with it x
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Yes you learn to get on with it, no other choice really. You learn to live a different life than the one you should have had. It’s not easy but you get there & just carry your grief with you. I remember the doctor saying to me when I went to get time off work “your life as it was ended as well, everyone else’s carries on” I think we sometimes put too much pressure on ourselves. I still have days where I can’t face the world but I step back, give myself time & go again.
Sending love & strength
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Jodel712
The quote coming home to an empty house is the one i have heard so often by many people who have lost partners the silence is deafening even though i moved out of my parents home to buy my own house and have my own space the time between looking for one and actually moving in was when i met Sharon i used to do emergency call out so she actually spent more time at the house than me but still went back to her mothers around 10 p.m. so i never really lived on my own properly and i hate it as for the your life ended as well when your partner passed away i think its more like part of you has died because of the connection you had , the rest is still alive and needs to find a new way of living it takes time and great resolve and i hope we all have it
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well done, @jodel712 i said to somebody who commented about me being “more like my old self” the void is still there,but i can live with it most of the time,of course i still have moments,13months in.
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yup,winter,clocks changed,but better than this time last year,im 13months in,ive been on holiday with girl friends,im blessed, its not all roses round the door,but im 72 and need to pick myself up and become that motivated,positive lady i was… before its too late
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I want to get back to that and I will. I am 60 and was always strong. I am determined to get that back. Got good friends, good family and as far as I know good health. I will always miss him and am so sad at what he is missing, but I am still here and he would want me to be strong x
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You are right , im determined to pick myself but im allowing myself to wollow in my sadness for a bit longer. But after my husbands anniversary in January im going to pik myself up
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JAH25
Both yourself and cloudy sky are in a similar position age and family to myself we have time to hopefully sort ourselves out and still do some of those things we had intended myself and Sharon always wanted to travel a bit more so getting fitter and healthier is the start after all i live on my own now and i still wish to travel so its all going forward a step at a time to continue to have a happy life its what our partners and family would want for us
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Hi @Andy63 . Yes I still want to travel. We loved all of that, we were going to Goa 2 weeks after the my husband died. I have got girlfriends to go with, they have partners though so I have to fit in with them.. I may go by myself but not sure yet. I do miss going out for a meal in a couple and such things. @JAH25 I also hope to feel more myself after the January anniversary. We are in very similar positions.
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we sing off the same song sheet,stay strong and do it for our loved ones….x
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