This is the loneliest place ever to be...

Like many on our forum over the years, i am 68 & a half…i have lost many memebrs of my family, many when i was in my 20’ and 30’s…both parents, aunts-uncles and even a cousin but for me losing my long term partner Richard aged 74, 11th April, has hit me the worst…Hand on heart there has not been one day i have not shed tears, cried, gone to pieces…this loss has truly hit me the worst, I so feel for all who were with their hubbies - their wives for 30-40 plus years…Richard gave me the best 20 years of my life, our lives…I will never get used to him not being here with me…never ever…Like all of us, we just wish we could go to sleep, wake up and say we had a dream, or rather a nightmare…and find our beloveds tucked up nicely in bed, or getting out of bed ready to start another day…I will never get used to this life as it is now…I know this sounds selfish but i am so envious of couples who have each other and have a life…I too was one of them once…me and Richard were - are a couple, and forever will be, i tell him this over and over again, that i love him, always have, always will…

Jackie…

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Dear Jackie your message today is so poinyent I lost my lovely husband on 14th April this year and today is our 52 wedding anniversary the first one without him the first one without his lovely card and usually flowers this morning is too quite we meet 54 years age he was my love my support my best friend I don’t understand why he was only 71 full of life he loved family and he loved living I feel that now I am just trending water waiting becouse the emptyness is at times unbearable you aren’t alone but I know that doesn’t make you fee better but we are hear take care love marian xx

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Marian…
…i just wish we could all come together and give each other a hug…sorry i am once again crying as i type this to you…I think it is an age thing, I so associate with people of my and my Richards age group more, our late 60’s and 70’s…i dont mean to offend anyone, especially our younger generation…just that we in this age group are nearer to the end of our own life-spans and have lived as man and wife, and that for the past many years is all that we have ever known, so hard to believe it is all over, it has all come to its end…

Jackie…(( hug ))

Hi Jackie-Richard, your words are very moving, as I feel exactly the same. I like you and many others just want to wake up from this bad dream. My husband died through being misdiagnosed of an aortic tear dissection. This was 10 April and I still can’t believe he is not here. We would have been married 50 years in June, already had a holiday booked. It’s getting your head around when your loved one goes in hospital then puff he’s gone. How do you ever get over that!!! I am strong, I do keep telling myself he wouldn’t want me to be sad, our memories are so precious, and our children, this is why I can carry on. All the best to you. Paula2

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Hi Jackie … so sorry you are feeling so down. Same here as well … my husband died 29th April after only being poorly for eight weeks in all. We were married 43 years together 45 years. We previously lost our adult sons seven and two years ago aged 33 and 36 so had been through so much together. He was such a good kind man.

It’s so hard being left behind isn’t it … I know I’m not helping myself … keep saying I will try to start doing more but I end up being a hermit. I hope it gets better. I’m starting therapy with a trauma psychologist on Friday so will see where that takes me … if I dare even go.

Sending you hugs and understanding ding. I do hope you will start feeling a bit better soon.

Love Sue x

Dear Jackie I understand exactly what you mean about age I think it helps that when taking to people of our generation we don’t have to explain we have had years of loving support and parternship and I know l will always be married to my lovely Michael I wil always be his wife just because he is no longer with me in body he will always be my husband this is a very tearful day for me as well and if you want to cry just let it come each tear is an expression of our love. Hugs to you marian xx

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Dear Sue.Jeanette here.My heart is with you.I lost my wonderful husband of 47yrs on the 26th of April and I am 65.I have 2 sons aged 34 & 39 this thursday.And I can’t begin to imagine how you must be feeling.My love and hugs are with you.x

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Jeanette … Thankyou so much for responding. It’s kind of you. Im sorry we find ourselves here … it is unbearable … my home is so quiet now … just me and my cat now. It’s hard to find the motivation to try to do stuff … I know I need to start doing more! Easier said than done … I am 65 and just retired … I didn’t think I would be doing this on my own.

Sending you hugs. I’m glad you have your sons … I have three grandchildren … the eldest has just started Uni at Oxford. The others are just 12 and almost 16. They are good kids but it’s still hard. People say you have your grandchildren! My mum is 90 next year … her and my dad have been married 66 years! I am envious of that.

Sue xx

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Sue.I have 3 grandchildren.15,11 and 17months .They are a delight.But I feel sad that my husband is missing out watching them grow up.The little one I help out with every Monday.x

Thank you for replying… do t get me wrong I love them all … we used to have them all while their mum and dad worked and often have them for weekends but it’s so different now. Now they come over as a d when they are around d … my grand daughter rings me from Uni once a week. It’s just hard … my life has gone from busy and noisy to do so quiet. It’s lovely to see them growing up and becoming independent etc. My son would be so proud of Amber getting in to Oxford but it’s so bittersweet. I feel totally ungrateful and de motivated … it’s hard!

I feel like I’m being self indulgent and lazy and not helping myself.

Thanks for listening … I’m here any time too, Sue x

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Ahh bless you.I have my moments. One minute feel really proud of myself taking control of my life ,getting on with it.Next minute uncontrollably sobbing remembering my David and being without him.I really understand how you feel.Jeanette.x

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Hi Sue.Well today is another milestone. My eldest son’s birthday 39 today.How silly is this I’m sitting here enjoying some steak,chips,mushrooms, sweet pepper’s. And just burst into tears thinking of David and how he enjoyed this meal

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Hope I’m not repeating myself?Anyway I will try again.Another milestone my eldest sons 39th birthday. But I’m sitting here on my own eating steak,chips,mushrooms,pepper’s. David’s favourite meal.And just burst into tears.How silly is that?Just wish he was here to enjoy the meal with me.And remember our son’s birthday.

Yesterday was my great-grandsons 4th birthday and i was-i am 140 plus miles away from them…I still have yet to meet-to see him…he does not know i exist…

Jackie

It’s not silly at all. I can beat you for being silly. I have already said that the last ‘meal’ I had with my husband was three days before he passed away and he said he fancied boiled egg and soldiers. Exactly a year to that day I had a boiled egg and soldiers and I did it for him as well and even placed it on the dining room table. Wouldn’t I have had a shock if it had been eaten the next morning. I wish…
xxx

Good morning Sue. I was feeling very emotional the other day. Much more upbeat today.Got my 2 older grandchildren staying until later.Then going to a friends 60th. The next thing is writing the Xmas cards without both our names .There are one or two people I haven’t told yet?Always good to talk to you .Xx

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Hi Marian I do so agree with you I will always be married to my lovely Ron. I was married over 50 years and I love him so much they say absence makes the heart grow fonder and oh boy does it. We always said that when goes it doesn"t mean that you are not still married. Ron will always be with me and our family think the same. Love and hugs to. you. xx

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Jackie could you move nearer to your children and grandchildren?

Jooles…
…if i can make this happen, i will…I hope i can get nearer to back home…

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I really hope you can. You need some family support x

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