@Rhody I empathise and know how hard this is, but maybe take slow steps to get out? Your choice, no one should tell you what to do - but I find the distraction from getting out of the house keeps my brain temporarily diverted and keeps me away from “the edge” for a little while (you know what I mean by “the edge”).
1 Like
@24681 thanks. The psychiatrist once told me: “at the moment you feel you can’t be vulnerable, but vulnerability is NOT a weakness but a strength to accept that you are not invincible”. I didn’t understand at the time, but I do now - and all of us on Planet Shit need help, and maybe should give help in return?
3 Likes
Thank you @DennisS, yes, I’m coping better, apart from the “NO days” and those sudden grief attacks. I suppose it’s our human nature,this instinct for survival, that keeps us going, apart from our continuing bonds with our beloved soulmates, of course. The anger is still alive and kicking, seems to have made it’s home in my soul, along with the terrible sadness and heartache. I’m becoming tougher, though, enough to tame this anger and stop its control over me.
I’ll reflect on those words your psychiatrist said about vulnerability.
Take care.
1 Like
@Palmart yes we always will - but at least we were lucky enough to have found true love - many don’t…
3 Likes
My only comfort in this hell hole of grief is that I am the one to bear the pain of losing him and not the other way around. Absolutely broken, lost, devastated. He was my whole world. There is no purpose to my life anymore. Our relationship was far from perfect but we were perefect for each other. Im 54, he was 75, I had to work full time. I visited him every night. Thank god he was in my arms, snuggled up with me in his hospital bed when he drew his last breath. My last words to him was to tell him to join his loved ones, to not be afraid, that i will always be here for him. His last words to me were “I cant breathe” Two gasps later, he was gone. Im struggling so hard that his passing was so dreadful & painful. What right do I have to enjoy life when my beautiful husband died like that? I literally feel like my life is over, im done.
7 Likes
@Annalisa
After seven months, I feel pretty much like you, glad that my husband hasn’t had to go through this horrendous journey of grief, but his journey with evil cancer was horrendous too. I wish we could be together again. I ask him daily to fetch me. My life is nothing without him.
He also died in my arms and struggled with his breathing and had the ‘rattling’. I will never forget it, it will forever haunt me.
I cannot make sense of why we are given a wonderful life with our loved ones and it’s snatched away in such painful ways.
5 Likes
@Annalisa yes, but take the positive. I’m still trying to sort out probate (our villa in Greece) issues, stuff where I live in the UK - on top of grieving for my Sharon.
But, like you, I know she could not have dealt with this, so it is better for me to eat this shit than to have left her to do so. So for you, take the positive that you are still looking after him.
5 Likes