@Rammie thanks for that… we are all trying to understand this…
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I am 11 weeks into this journey of lost souls… to me it feels like I am in a time warp and tardis where I am living in 2 different worlds, the before and after and the bit where it all blends into one confusing state of limbo.
My description of grief is… it’s like being in a washing machine on full spin, tumbling around back and forth and not knowing when the cycle will end. Then I am taken out, hung out to dry and flattened with an iron, folded in half and put in a cupboard forgotten and isolated.
I then take 2 steps forward and 3 back not knowing where to place my next step. I fall, I get up, I’m unsteady, shaky. I then walk confidently my feet firmly on the ground and out of the blue the rug is pulled from underneath me and I start all over again.
I look at my Jim’s photo and say where are you? How can you just be a photo? I strain to hear his voice, the one I have heard since I was 10 years old. I remember staring at his coffin thinking like magic he would just pop out, like it was all a dream. That coffin is lowered, where he’s gone? People staring at you like you have some kind of disease they might catch. Everyone goes home and you sit there alone in silence asking yourself what happened? You have to get into a half empty bed still on your side even though you now have all of it. You wake up for an instant thinking everything is normal and it hits you all over again, none of this is normal and never will be ever again
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@DennisS what a beautiful lady she is. May I ask have you got her at home with you? My husband Simon wanted to be kept at home. Which I am quite happy to do and would have wanted to anyway. I have written into my Will that he will be at whatever address I am at when I go and he is to be scattered with me. Having told some people my plans. Not all of them, but some have said keeping his at home with me will stop me moving on. Not sure they understand I don’t want to move on. I will struggle on with this awful new situation but won’t move on from him. I loved him from the moment I met him. And no one could ever match up to him.
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I’m 6 weeks in this unbelievable lost mess. I don’t feel that I want to carry on but everyone says it’s early days I wish it was my last I miss my David so badly I’m broken into a million pieces.
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…welcome to this unwanted club…so sorry you had to join…we are all still working out what has happened…please just take your time to process this …it will not be quick…but use this forum for support…it’s a life saver…
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Jan 150, I am 3 weeks off 12 months since losing my wife to a brain tumour out of the blue. I totally understand how hard it is for you right now but trust me it will get easier, although I know it is difficult to see that.
I would really recommend bereavement counselling to help if you can find a local resource. I’ve been having it since last July and have found it very beneficial.
The forum is very helpful but see if you can also find someone local who has been through this. I made friends with a widow where I live who could offer help and guide me. This made an enormous difference as only people who have experienced losing a spouse can truly understand.
Thinking of you and wishing you all the best xxx
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Sorry you’ve been having a tough time @DennisS, I hope you’ve found the treatment and counseling beneficial. I’m sorry your family is still being so insensitive with you. I’ve been struggling the best I can on this Planet Sh… perfect choice of words, like the SSCLUB someone referred to. I totally relate with your experience of trying to explain to that guy about having an “exclusive” relationship with one’s spouse, completely dedicated to each other, living through each other, in total symbiosis. Unhealthy? Absolutely not, why was the term soulmate invented, then? We were complete with them, one person, one mind, one soul, now we feel cut in half, that’s why we’re here. Trying to put the pieces back together, continuing our bonds with our life partners, just in a different way now. We are all here together in this, we understand you.
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@Jan150 sorry to hear of your loss. It will be 4 weeks on Tuesday since my Simon went. I have never felt pain like it. I don’t know about you but I still think it’s some elaborate joke and he will turn up and wonder what all the fuss is about. Hugs to you. Unfortunately, I know how you are feeling xx
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@Jan150 Sorry you’ve had to find yourself on here, your having thoughts that most of us have had at some point. I only joined on here last week 18 months after my soulmate passed as I still struggle to believe he is gone. I hate life without him and when he died my heart died with him. It’s still early days for you and all very raw. Your life has been shattered into a million pieces and you think there’s no way I can go on without him, then all the days merge into one another and before you know it weeks, months have passed. The grief never leaves you it just gets a bit easier to manage some days. We can all relate to what your going through, to sum it up it’s 
. Just get through today is all you can do, tomorrow will take care of itself 
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I have just read your post Dennis and seen your beautiful Sharon. My husband, Ken always use to say, if one of us has to go, better me, then i wouldn’t have to go on without him by my side. Obviously God had other plans, and i am still here and he isn’t. It is a shitty world right now, but this site helps. Namaste 
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I also have a friend,who lost her husband last June and Ken died last August, so we have each other, this helps so much . Love to you all xxx
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Thankyou for this insightful post ,it sums up exactly how many of us feel. I lost my wonderful partner David,3 years,6 months ago and if anything the grief is more raw now than it was those years ago, I so often wish i wasn’t here, but i have 2 little dogs that depend on me, if it wasn’t for them i wouldn’t be here.Every single day is a challange,often not able or wanting to do a thing, its only by sheer determination that i mmake myself do outstanding jobs, and the only difference now is i dont rush things,i do what i can when i can,wheras before i got things completed quick time. It is during the hours of darkness, completely alone when the pain of loss is the greatest, I rarely go out because i have no wish to socialize and that in turn is a two edged sword because i shun company and i’m at a loss for words if i do go out,i have lost the art of conversation.
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Dennis,
I completely and utterly relate.
Your wife will be so proud that in such heartache. Which I’m sure we all feel,will not subside, that you found the time to reach out to reassure others. Despite your own pain so eloquently. If nothing else despite your own anxiety you allowed and showed such vulnerability.
Thank you.
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Well said and thank you.
I lost my soul mate of 51yrs 30.8.22 I miss him every moment of every day and always will.
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Palmart…I’m so sorry. Of course you do it’s just awful. X
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@Sarlyn please understand, that what you are going through is entirely normal once you have landed on the Planet Shit (see other post). It’s impossible to understand how everything looks the same, sounds the same - but is completely different. As time goes by (yes I also hate the numpties with no knowledge who say that) you find ways to cope more easily…
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@Rammie oh yes I have my girl in a Greek pot she liked, in an alcove above her picture in the lounge. My eldest son will mix my ashes with Sharon’s and scatter us from the battlements of P* Castle (illegal) where we first knew in 1977 that we were in love…
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@Jan150 we all empathise with you. Read the other posts, post yourself… Learn from others who are on the same planet - and just keep going… That’s my best advice… Good luck…
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@Solost thanks for that and I hope you are coping better now since we last swapped posts on here?
Totally agree - the people who don’t share true unconditional love can’t hope to understand - but I now realise that the Loony Doctor was simply trying to provoke me to see my reaction as they fear I have anger issues. Of course I have anger bloody issues… I’ve lost the reason to live, my soul mate through no fault of either of us. Anger? I’m in a spitting rage, controlled just below the surface, and that’s no surprise! Keep going @Solost - your husband would not want you to be this devastated for this long…
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@George4 Totally agree. I protected Sharon since we met and fell in love when she was 18 (I’d just turned 20).
So, whilst I’m in a World of pain on this Planet Shit, I prefer this to thinking my poor darling Sharon would have had to endure this…
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