Do sorry we are all finding this journey so hard your words are how I feel too miss him so so much his hugs and yes he would tell me how much he loved me and lucky we was 45 yrs Marie’s is a life time why can we not go together being with out them his so awful friends as you say don’t really want to listen I have had panic attack today it’s been 8 months can not adjust to being in house with out him no one to talk about it really sending hug xxx
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Flower _garden
I feel the same about my confidence and like you I was more than capable. I think it may be that we have no one to bounce things off of and dicuss ideas or new purchases.
Some people have said the pain never goes but it gets easier but I am not sure that is true.
I think about Jim constantly and I get annoyed with myself because I know he would love to be here and here I am not wanting to be!! However I know he would also hate being without me. We were together for 40 years and lived each other soooo much. He worked hard all his life to provide for our family and he should have had the time to retire and enjoy a new chapter and that makes me so sad.
It’s such a pity there isn’t a group where people who understand could meet for a coffee and chat.
It’s definitely a club we wished we didn’t belong to. 
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I feel for you I can understand what you saying I have lost my confidence family are good but don’t really know what it has done to us now we are only half person that how I feel now I feel worthless and a bother to my family sounds like you needed more support with buying your car take care xx
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Hi Michael, your life is everything yes you be miserable and distraught at times, and certainly feel empty. heres the dreaded but sorry,you have got to remember you as a person. I lost my wife my soul my everything in May 2019 47 years old. we had everything we needed then gon. luckily family and friends were there thank god,you say miserable and meaningless and worthless. Michael you are none of the above you will get through this. I say this as someone struggling with 2 young boys trying to cope and ye it so hard .What Itrying to say Michael is try to find you, remember your good times and keep them,sorry Im trying to tell you what I need to hear matey. Its hard hopefully you got a good support round you, dont feel alone talk to family and friends ye it helps,take care and be strong best wishes. Kev
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Hi Casey. So glad to see you back on site and your words are like poetry. I hope the loneliness is not getting to you. I feel so down today, a mixture of grief and the way life is at the moment. Perhaps when the summer comes we might feel just a little better.
Love and hugs
Mo. Xxx
Like you I was very capable of doing things on my own but since mark died in sept I feel my confidence has gone and I totally get what you say about making decisions. It just feels so different doing things on my own now because it’s not just going places and making decisions on my own it’s living life on my own. It’s so hard and totally overwhelming at times xx
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Morning Christine,I have just had my worst night for ages,tossed and turned all night long,had to get up at 6.00am so restless.My mind has been buzzing all night.This is draining me of the will to live.Nearly 17 weeks for me also on Monday,I am so unhappy and miserable,I have to keep phoning my friend to come down to me for company,I am so afraid to be on my own.When he is here with me I am ok but as soon as he goes I am a mess again.What is to become of us who are suffering like this.Our lives are a complete mess. Much love Michael x
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Rose45 I totally agree. I have two, older, sons which make me cling on because that Little voice in the back of my head keeps shouting “what’s the point of carrying on?” Grief sweeps round you at times so quickly and heavily you just feel weighted down by it all. The overwhelming feeling of dispair and sadness can become all consuming. I daren’t allow myself to say the word “future” outloud because there seems so much of it without my husband. Take care of yourself and hopefully you’ll find a way to get through each day one at a time 
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Hi Michael
Another restless night,I’m so tired but my thoughts wake me up,spent time reading for a while seem to wake every couple of hours but I hate getting up knowing Steve isn’t here
never imagined this sort of life all our plans gone
Take care
Christine x
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Morning Christine,seems we are all sufeering these restless nights.Last night was my worst for ages ,just could not drop off,tossed and turned all night,just kept thinking about Judith,cannot and do not want to get her out of my head.She was so important to me ,my whole world revolved around her.How on earth can I continue with this lonely life on my own.Just hate everyday I am here.It is so cruel to be left on your own after 32 years together.Doing everything on your own now is horrendous.I do not know how I have survived since Judith passed away. Much love Michael x
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That’s so touching and so true Casey when you say “as long as I’m alive she will always be loved, missed, wanted, needed and never forgotten” xx
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@Mickeyboy31
So sorry for your loss. I lost the live of my life suddenly on 15th December and have bad nights too. When I woke up this morning I had a panic attack and a horrible feeling of claustrophobia as I also feel trapped as live in a flat and have health problems and my beloved Rob used to also look after me and we used to go on drives to our special places to sit in nature or to have a cup of tea somewhere. I don’t drive (I wouldn’t be able to anyway cos of arthritis and eye sight) so not only have I lost my rock and soul mate, I’ve lost my life too. Not a day went by when we didn’t say we loved each other and there were always loads of hugs. There feels like there’s nothing to live for now. I just cry all the time and feel so lost and lonely.
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Hiya Barbara I’m the same went from being very confident to not being able to do things a panic because john was always with me for support take lv annie x x
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Thank you I’m not as good with words as you hope we can find a way guess we have to take care hope you have family around you xx
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I agree I have 2 wonderful children a have to be here for them lv annie x
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Morning Michael our lives will never be the same being up since 3 panic more when I’m a bed but tired all day going to my good friends sons funeral Monday he was only 35years old dreading it so young lv annie x x x
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Yes I am the same with a sad film,even if it makes me cry I have to watch it again.I too would like to go back and do it all again with my Judith,it would be fantastic,even better than the first time. Michael x
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Oh Annie so sorry,35 no age at all.You are so right our lives will never be the same.Each day is terrible,horrendous,so hard to get through.Dread everyday now as it is getting worse.People who say time heals do not know what they are talking about.Let them experience this ,it will make them think again. Michael x
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Oh my friend that is such a sad story.You are still in the very early days of your pain and grief,I am almost 17 weeks now ,I lost my beautiful wife Judith to stage 4 bladder cancer.I cry all the time and call her name.We are all lost and lonely on here ,you have many freinds here. Michael x
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@JaneyS hi janey thank you. I know its not the same but it’s all we have left to hang on to now. The beautiful love we shared and still feel. Take care x
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