I just wanted to write tonight to get a few things off my chest and to see if anyone else has experienced similar thoughts and attitudes towards the funeral of their loved one who has passed on.
I find this platform a very good place to express how im feeling without worrying too much about what others will think of my beliefs and thought processes, so here goes …
It is nearly 4 weeks since my Mum passed. In some ways it seems longer. We have not yet had the funeral, it is due towards the end of this month and i will be very honest - i am dreading it.
That seems like an odd thing to say i suppose - i mean who looks forward to a funeral!? But its not because im not accepting of what has happened, or im burying my head in the sand, or im not emotionally processing what is going on - none of that. Its because i have ‘moved on to the next level’ of understanding. Now ive put part of that in inverted commas or quotation marks for a reason - to draw your attention to it.
First of all, i acknowledge that everyone has different views and beliefs and i am not wanting to offend or challenge anyone elses, i am simply venting and hoping someone will read this and think ‘Yes!’ So i will get straight to explaining what i mean by moving to the next level and i’ll start by repeating something i said to my friend the other day:
[About the funeral] - ‘i feel like i will be leaving my mum at home, whilst i go and say goodbye to her body’. Now read that again.
Yes. Thats where im at with regards to life, death, after life etc, and this links to what i was saying about moving on to the next level. What i mean is, i feel as though i have moved on to the next level of understanding, and that Mums body is just that. Its not her - shes no longer there. Her spirit, her memory. her love is with me. Whatever remains physically are the remnants of when she was in her physical forml, which she no longer is. And that brings me on to the next level - knowing my Mum in spirit.
Please if you strongly disagree with my thoughts, thats ok but dont feel the need to challenge them. I am reaching out to those who may share a common experience or belief.
Thanks for reading,
Sending love x