I’m so sorry, Julie.
I feel the same - I don’t believe any more that I will ever recover. Maybe we are changed rather than recovered? Never the same again. Sadder? Lonelier? Wiser? Kinder to other suffering loss?
Sally x
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My wife has been gone 17 months now. Time is not a healer . Go for a walk it makes you feel better no it doesn’t ( maybe makes your feel healthier) but if anything makes me feel sadder has I think about her even more. Look into peoples houses and see husband and wife’s . Oh wish that could be me. Told to go dating again! How can I do that so easily? Although I love having a hug off my friends wives and girlfriends how can I replace my wife of 30 years? Destined to be alone.
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Hi I totally agree with you I begin to hate people that say that lost my partner in November 9 weeks ago today long fight since the February in & out of the hospital he only lasted 2 days in the hospice after waiting nearly 15 hours on an ambulance he had oesophageal cancer feeding tube 2 stents fitted it was intent to cure but that didn’t happen his tumour was 35 cm long he had only turned 53 we had been together for 15 years I miss him every day don’t know when I won’t take care
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Thank you for your posting BKDM. I totally agree that "time is a great healer’ is just too glib. I like your comparison with losing a limb. Nothing will bring it back but I do think that time allows the rawness of the ‘wound’ to heal to some extent. My wife died, to cancer, in 2020; we had known each other for over 60 years and had been married for 58. The dreadfulness of her loss sweeps over me from time to time but I think that some things do improve with time.
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So agree. You dont get over it it , you just learn ,very slowly ,to live with it. People who say its time to move on are speaking from ignorance and how lucky they are that they dont know. I dont say Im moving on but moving forward. There is absolutely no easy way through, no short cuts. Every step you take forward is agony but also an achievement. I’m 2.5 years post losing my lovely husband and Ive made a life but its not one I would ever have chosen. I had a real downer last weeks when I was just exhausted with the effort it takes to get out and do things. There is no one to do nothing with or say lets go out today. Everything has to be planned and put in the diary. Its hard work. So I agree time changes things but life will never be the same
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Hilary55
I total agree with all you say after 2 years 2 months on this awful road. I am really exhausted by all the effort I have to put into just living where it was once effortless. Best wishes to everyone.
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Sending best wishes . Feeling so sad and panicky today due to all the paperwork I have to do but don’t really want to do . I think I’ve been like the proverbial ostrich , pressing on bravely and now as I’m feeling a little stronger , opening that door again the the harsh reality is overwhelming . I think it’s f going to be like the boggart in the cupboard in Harry Potter - aweful stuff I have t deal with but in small bursts …
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Just try and do one thing and give yourself a little reward when you do. A big burst is too exhausting and overwhelming. Look after yourself.
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I am lucky I have been on short holidays with good friends but always have the feeling I don’t want to go . I am ok when I am away but so so glad when home maybe back to where my wife was feeling that she wants me back home. Such strange feelings. Going to Poland soon which is something we both wanted to do but wasn’t able to go god knows how I will feel about that . Try and have a good day and weekend everyone
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Jean8 and sue11Why not DM each other and arrange Skype or WhatsApp FaceTime? I have to do that with scattered family.
Wrong thread. Still not good at this
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You are so right,time is not a healer and anyone who believes that needs to see a doctor.I lost my darling wife Judith to that evil cancer 16 months ago and I am still waiting for time to heal me he says hopefully.It is a bunch of crap ,this also was one of Judith’s words when things went wrong.I will be 78 next month ,it will be my second Birthday without her ,it will not be a happy day but I will have a few drinks and think of her being with me all those years. Michael xx
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I lost my Husband Alan to cancer just over 3 months ago and the pain i feel just goes on and on i keep thinking why him hate cancer lost my Mum to cancer oct 2019
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Hi Sue11
I know how you feel I lost my partner 9 weeks ago to cancer and my sister 2 years ago I like you detest this disease I cannot watch the adverts any more I don’t want to watch them my partner had only turned 53 he found out on Valentine’s Day last year it was intent to cure the tumour was 32cm long he went through the radiotherapy chemotherapy feeding by tube 2 stents fitted nothing worked what was worse was told by consultant he had 3 to 6 months maybe 9 at a push he got 2 months at least I was with him at the end holding his hand in hospice I absolutely know how you are feeling c
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I was with my husband at the end holding his hand was so hard knowing he was not going to be with me much longer but so glad i was there for him and got to tell him how much i loved him
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Hi Sue
I know that’s what I keep thinking we were there at the very end for them
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I completely agree. I think family and friends sometimes say this to us without thinking it through. Probably it comforts them, but not the bereaved person. You can’t heal this kind of loss. Over time we might change into someone else who can survive but the scars are there for ever.
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My husband died suddenly he was on his own but they don’t think he would have known much about it as it was so sudden. Absolutely heartbroken he was only 42 our young boys are missing him terribly as am I. I’m only functioning for the sake of our children, the pain I’m feeling over his loss is unbearable and I will never be the same again.
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@Liz15
I’m so sorry you lost your husband so young. Mine was 60 when he died suddenly last April, after playing football and I feel 60 was way too young.
Your children will keep you going, no matter how hard. The instinct to survive for them is so strong it will pull you on but do remember to allow a little bit of space for you along the way. (Some would say this is the pot talking to the kettle but hey ho!)
One thing which helped us was that local people scooped up my younger daughter (with a learning disability) and took her off to do things, which was what she needed and Obe snug (older daughter) and I certainly could not provide at the time. Maybe you have people who could help in that way.
I hope you will find the emotional support you need here as there are many who understand and others who have lost their husbands very young too.
I find I am better nine months on and can function most days. This life is not what I would have chosen but I am determined to make Richard proud of me and continue to look after all that he created and cared for. The tears flow less frequently and are often less intense. They can still come from apparently nowhere and in the oddest situations and once they start they are never far under the surface but it is less often.
Sending love xxx
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Such a cruel world. So sorry. Michael x
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