I think we are changed. Part of us dies with our lost partner and we are left hollowed out, incomplete, disabled. Then we have two choices; give up, or go foward.
Going forward is a hard, slow, exhausting path. If we choose it I believe that we can very gradually change, grow, assimilate our loss and grief. Loss and grief are part of who we are now, like it or not. But we can also add to the bruised shell we’ve become if we can keep getting up each day, if we are mindful of our health, nutrition and exercise.
I am six months down the line after the sudden and unexpected death of my husband and business partner (51 years married). I still cry daily. I rage at the heavens. I yell at my dead husband. But I’m beginning to see a glimmer of hope. The crippling anxiety attacks occur less often. I even laughed at something I heard on the radio this week. First smile or laugh in six months. My key word is HOPE.
@Rozzie
What an uplifting post; thank you so much.
I applaud what you say and how much you are giving to others in doing so.
I agree totally, that no matter how hard it is we CAN do it. We can create new bits of ourselves, intertwined with what has happened but still some positive things to add in our future.
I’m a little further on, nine months since the sudden and unexpected death of my beloved husband. I do see improvements in how I cope and what I can face. Still many challenges ahead but I plan to meet them sometime, when I feel the time is right.
Really so sorry for your loss of the man you loved and the father for your children . It’s not the same butaybrbits helpful to know that I felt like I was on autopilot for many weeks - walking talking eating sleeping laughing setting the table doing laundry but had no ability for creative thought or multistage problem solving . It’s gradually coming back . I cannot imagine how you are managing to keep going for your boys but all I can say sending loads of best wishes
Hi Hilary, I agree with all you said it is very hard work making arrangements and just going to meet up with friends who do not understand how you feel. I just want to make excuses not to meet up because I feel they are not sincerely listening and just want to talk about their own lives. What is that saying “life is for living” I Wish I could. Keep strong and fingers crossed it will get better, take care xx
Totally agree with you.Time does not heal ,it just makes it a tiny bit less painful and I mean a tiny bit. Cancer took my Judith September 2021 we had 32 years together.I do agree with your last sentence. Michael x
Oh Linda, how many times I’ve had well meaning friends say “ I know, you’ll get there, just give it time”. They don’t know. She was my daughter, aged 28 who went in for immunotherapy that went wrong!! We were given a weeks notice, she passed on day 10. It is so surreal and at only 12 weeks later, still so very raw, time is making no difference at all.
Friends are lovely but whilst well meaning they don’t truly understanding.
Sorry rant over. Stay strong everyone xx
I have had friends say the same to me about my Husband its been over 3 months now and i still feel the same really miss him its so true want you said they do not truly understand xx
John In some ways I feel like you - I do think when you have lost your life’s partner it can’t be the same again - my life as I lived ended when my husband died suddenly without any warning in April 2021 - we met at 17 and married at 21 we had 51 years of a loving relationship and I am so grateful for that. I now keep busy looking after my family and our dog - I have the bleakest of days but I have got through them and try my hardest to keep positive - I feel I have no future but I have had a wonderful past. I miss him in every way imaginable but what is the alternative giving up or taking my own life would bring heartbreak to my family who have been so good in trying to help me cope with my loss. I don’t sit and mope my grief comes and goes in waves and I am beginning to handle it - I am still heartbroken but I am calmer and more in control of my emotions. Please all of you that read this there is only you that can help yourself to survive so give yourself a break and do something positive everyday and slowly you won’t recover -and suddenly become happy - (don’t expect that) but you will be more in control of the rest of your lives and find a little peace. . XX
Sandbay
Like you i was married over 50 years to my precious husband over 50 years (54 in fact). I agree life will never be the same again. It is nearly two years 3 months since he lost his fight with cancer and although I am still grieving his loss I do find grief is mostly softer although I do get days when I am still devastated, I still do not take much pleasure in My life now but I find today that I am looking forward to seeing my dear granddaughter and great grandchildren tomorrow. There’s always a bit of sadness to such visits as Paul won’t be here to see them but I realise I do sometimes look forward to different things which I would never have thought possible. Time certainly won’t wipe all the sadness away but I’m still here. I do hope everyone on this site soon starts to feel even a tiny piece less devestated. Love to all. Carol
Nearly four years now and it hasn’t healed empty inside just better at putting on the happy face in real life I still miss he so much and can’t wait for my turn