I lost my partner in May 2019 I cannot concentrate on anything. I have gone back to work and I feel I’m going to lose my job before long as I’m making so many mistakes. I cannot afford to be out of work and I’m worrying about affording everything. This grief is unbearable and nothing prepares you for how your going to feel. I’m functioning on such little sleep too.
Heart break
Dear Heart break
I feel as if I carry out the usual mundane stuff on autopilot. Normally quite confident, I get muddled trying to string an ordinary sentence together. Opening the post is my problem. I just can’t read it. It makes me panic. Please know you are not alone.
With best wishes
Louise
I lost my partner in May 2019 I cannot concentrate on anything. I have gone back to work and I feel I’m going to lose my job before long as I’m making so many mistakes. I cannot afford to be out of work and I’m worrying about affording everything. This grief is unbearable and nothing prepares you for how your going to feel. I’m functioning on such little sleep too.
Heart break
I feel exactly the same. It’s such an awful feeling and nothing in the world can prepare you for when your loved one dies. I don’t actually know how I function on a daily basis. I am so desperate for a proper nights sleep.
At lease with messages like this, I know i’m not alone and send my best wishes to you.
Louise
Hi, you’re certainly not on your own in your feelings. Sadly I feel exactly the same. I lost my husband may of last year, still miss him loads, I think I always will. And to be honest that’s how I want to feel, I never want to be ok with it. The good thing about this site is that we all know how this feels, until you walk in our shoes, no can comprehend how it is.
Here if you want to chat ? I take it you are from Manchester ? My son lives there and I spend so much time there. So if you fancy a coffee, let me know.
Take care, Lesley x
Thomas, i know how you all feel, i lost my wife of 57years Barbara on the 30th of May this year now i feel like a zombie i have no interest in anything and feel as though I’m at bottom of a deep hole and someone is filling it in.
Hi,
Sorry if I’ve got you mixed up with someone else, but it was interesting to read the message about not being able to cope with post coming. That’s exactly how I am, I get so worked up about post ! I go into a complete panic about it. Haven’t heard anyone else saying that, I thought it was just me. Hope you’re doing ok, as hard as it is. Here if you want a chat.
Take care, Lesley
Lesley…
…no it is not only you, i too dread those white and brown envelopes that drop through my letterbox…they can only be utility bills or solicitor mail…
Thank you… I know, the worst has already happened, but still every morning the same thing, a meltdown before picking up the post. I don’t know what I dread, how bad can it be.
I hope you are alright ?
BW Lesley
4 months ago today my husband of nearly 37 yrs lost his short battle with the big C. Every day is s struggle. I constantly relive his final days. I went back to work but cut my hours, luckily as a self employed contractor I was able to , but even still it’s a mental struggle. Concentration has gone. The desire to to do anything has gone. What’s the point is what I think. I have wonderful friends and family but it’s not the same. I miss that one person to chat with. The physical contact, holding hands . That kiss goodnight . I’m only 57 and so was he. We were robbed. Someone said to me the other day, you’ll get used to it. I was cross upset. How dare they . I don’t want to get used to it. X
People are so insensitive, I get it all the time. I lost my husband a year and two months ago. I can’t and won’t get used to it. I hate the life I am left with. We were together nearly 40 years and married for 30. He was only 55, I’m 55 now. It’s far to young, and so unfair. We spent all our time together, apart from when we were at work. To say robbed is an understatement. People just don’t get it, it takes all my strength just to get through the day. You really have to walk in our shoes to get it. I wish all those people would keep their platitudes to themselves, it is hurtful.
Sorry to go on, I did want to be positive for you, but it never really happens.
Here if you fancy chatting.
BW Lesley xx
It’s 8 weeks since my beautiful husband of 38 years passed and I’ve just been away for a couple of days with my sister and nephew. When we got back to hers, my sister, who I thought was my rock told me I’d lacked any enthusiasm for the accommodation (I paid half), and just didn’t seem to appreciate how much work she and her son had gone to. In reality it was the loneliest couple of days I’ve had with beach walks on my own whilst she shopped. She kept on and on about it and wouldn’t let me speak at first and when I did I had a total meltdown for the first time and every feeling of loneliness, grief, anger, fear, desperation poured out until I could no longer speak I was sobbing so much. Her husband was great and said it was good for me to cry and let my feelings out but my sister couldn’t look at me but then said she felt like I did when my husband was ill and sometimes he would take it out on me which was hard but I understood because we knew he was dying and he was in constant pain. I’d told her about that in confidence and feel so betrayed that she could compare anything to that. She also said that if I say anything she doesn’t like she will defend herself as it’s not all about me.
I’m devastated that I no longer have the love and support I thought I had from someone I trusted completely and feel I’ve got to put up the protective shell I’ve been wearing for 2 months as if she doesn’t understand no one will.
Thankfully my daughters are amazing support but I think the close family bond with my sister has been broken forever when I need it the most.
OMG ! That’s almost exactly the same that happened to me with one of my sisters. We were always very close, then after a few months of losing my husband she decided to walk away from me saying that my situation made her feel awkward and couldn’t enjoy her own life. I have not heard from her since, that’s probably about 10 months now. It was such a shock, just goes to show we were not as close as I thought. She did that when I needed her the most, I confided all my thoughts with her when it happened.
I’m here for you if you want to chat more xx
Thank you Lesleym, I’m so sorry this has happened to you too, just when you think your life couldn’t be any worse you find it can!
We really are a group of people very much on our own in the world in every way but who help each other in times of need when we are all at our most vulnerable.
Sarah…
…too right, how dare someone say…" someone said to me the other day, you’ll get used to it…"
How cold and heartless of that person…As they say " what goes around, comes around…"
Jackie…
Hi, I have said and thought that “what goes around comes around” a thousand times in the last year. We will never get used to this, we will live with it because we don’t have a choice. Going back to what my sister said to me about making her feel awkward, my brother actually said to me that I should find it in me to appreciate how she feels, as it’s difficult for her. I just can’t believe what people say, they just don’t get it. But as we say, what goes around comes around.
You are so right, our hearts are already broken but no one can see that and certainly don’t understand it. So much insensitivity we are experiencing comes across in so many posts on this site just makes me hope that I’ve never previously inadvertently said anything hurtful whilst trying to ‘help’. Without doubt though, when it comes from loved ones it’s devastating.
Yes definitely, that hurts the most. It’s strange, I still feel like I’m in a bubble, the world is going on around me, but I’m not part of it anymore. I can be with loads of people, yet feel so lonely.
Thank you Lesley, it’s good to there are people like you around.
Best wishes
Louise
Lesley, the post thing is just awful and I have no need to fear it but my heart pounds every time I hear the letter box. On a funny note though, my Son has just changed banks (he is in the military so not often here) and ticked a box that requested bank statements. I was in the back garden when I heard an enormous bang in the porch then the door slam shut, on the floor were over 100 large white envelopes and at the end of the garden path a very angry looking postman. The bank had sent every statement from the time he opened his account in 2014. I was very relieved they weren’t for me.
Best wishes
Lou