The last days and nights were not too bad. Just a few tears and a kind of understanding and acceptance of my situation. I even tried to be optimistic about my future. And then all of a sudden I started crying and could not really stop crying and feeling lonely again this afternoon. Another roller-coaster Sunday. Sending love and hugs to everyone.
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So sorry for you @annessex I find Sundays sadder days . My friend has let me down on two occasions to visit the spiritualist church on Sunday. Keeping busy helps but you can’t help a massive meltdown as it’s so wrong
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I have had a very similar day to you,it has been simply horrendous. With my wife here alongside me I am and always have been the strongest of people but now,without her I struggle every hour of every day to find any purpose to my life.
No matter what I think of,no matter what I do it all brings me back to my wife,I keep asking how loving someone as I loved her can bring me this all consuming pain of loss.
I can absolutely empathise and sympathise with you,I wish that I could fix this suffering for all of us because I just don’t know how to cope with it. I wish you all the best,take care.
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Hi Miker,
I can totally relate to this. I have had a crap day and like you always though I was pretty strong but that was because of my husband. I feel utterly paralyzed with grief and times and can’t even move. I just sit staring into space. It has been 7 weeks today since he passed and I honestly think it is getting worse not better. Take care. Xx
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My Sundays and Mondays are probably the worst days of the week for me my wife of 47 years had been fighting cancer for just over two years twelve weeks ago on the Sunday Morning she woke up and was really unwell and struggling with her breathing I phoned for an ambulance they took her to hospital she was admitted but seemed much better in the afternoon I left her at 8.15 pm
I had a phone call from the hospital at 4.00 am Monday morning my wife had hot worse by the time I got there she was not conscious and I was told she was dying I sat with her all day and she passed away later that evening never really got the chance to say goodby earlier that week my wife had had treatment and we was told it should make her feel a lot better never expected things to happen now and so quick feel totally lost and so emotional all the time feel as if I know longer have a purpose
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Hi Alan68.,
It is so cruel when you are given Hope On the Thursday before my husband died neurology called us to say the scan was showing pseudo scaring which was hopeful rather than the tumour growing, by the afternoon he has back in hospital with a suspected brain hemorrhage and they then told us the tumour had spread to the brain stem. We were given a bit of hope for a couple of hours. I honestly just want to scream today. I feel like I am going to explode. Take care and keep in touch. This is the only thing that helps me. X
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Sorry to here your situation it is so hard especially when you are given hope and then it’s taken away my wife had a routine scan which she had every three months on the 24th January this year and we was told everything was ok she was taken I’ll two weeks later with a really bad chest infection and fluid around her lung and the doctors called us in to say her lung cancer had returned and had spread to the lymph nodes we was devastated didn’t understand how it could change in two weeks but they still said they could control it but not cure it but she was extremely I’ll up until she passed away on the 3rd July I probably go on a bit sorry for that but still have a hard time excepting this is happening hope your staying well
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Don’t apologise. I think we have a hard time processing some of things we go through as at the time the whole focus is to look after our partner. There is no time to think about things we just have to put a brave face on and get on with it. Take care and please message if you need to talk. Xx
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I know how you feel. I too sometimes feel that I have no purpose anymore. It’s worse when you have a break and just sit for a while and think. No purpose, no goals to look forward to any more. Just existing. Feels a bit pointless at times just going through the motions knowing that the future isn’t going to be bright. Not suicidal at all but sad knowing life has changed for the worse.
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It is really hard to find purpose or a point to doing anything. I am trying to do at least one productive thing each day but I struggled over the weekend to even get out of bed. I know what you mean, I am not suicidal but really sad and no energy to do anything because there doesn’t seem to be any point. Keep your chin up and keep talking it is the only thing that helps. Take care. Xx
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I felt like that on Saturday … just in total despair …it just keeps coming back to bite you this grief doesnt it … and why do they do that give you false hope ? They gave me false hope for 3 months … 
xxx
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Hi Deb,
I feel like I should be able to make sense of things but I really can’t. None of it makes sense and as you say the pain comes like a smack in the face sometimes for no reason. My mood swings are terrible which is why I tend to stay on my own as much as I can. I have been invited out for lunch tomorrow and I have agreed but really don’t want to go. I am not really eating much and the only place I feel safe is at home in bed. How are you doing today? Xxx
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Hi @Billie7 im ok today thanks. I have been out in the sunshine today walking with a fellow dog walker friend. I have made a few dog walker friends 
how are you today ? Its a rollercoaster this is for sure xx
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Thanks Deb. Felt a bit better today thought still really tired. I am back at work but couldn’t wait to get home then needed to get out again so went for a walk which helped. Just hoping I can sleep tonight. I am taking magnesium so will see if it helps. Xx
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Sadness, pain and guilt arrive in waves. Some days are better than other and I find making contact with friends and families whilst in a bad place, does ease, but not eliminate, the felling of loss,
I talk to my Maureen every day.
Love to all of you suffering at this time.
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Thanks Mopreston, it does help talking to people on here. It makes you realise there are nice people out there. Take care. Xxx
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Many people in this conversation have mentioned having a lack of purpose now that their loved ones have gone, I also feel like this, my main purpose in life was to look after my wife Joan and Joans main purpose in life was to look after me, she died suddenly and had no obvious health problems. Now that our people have gone, and there is nobody to look after, our reason for living has come into question, people with young children may continue to have a reason to live but I feel that there is no reason to carry on, I’m 8 months into this now and the rawness has improved but a good reason for living has not been found.
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@bootsie i know exactly what you mean. 9 months on and i feel similar to you. Our 3 kids are grown up and with families of their own and my middle daughter probably tries the most to include me in her life but its not the same as having my husband here ;( i miss him everyday and its so sad without them isnt it ? I bought a puppy who i love to bits so she gives me some purpose but my heart still aches for my husband and his love because we, like you , we looked after each other x
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I’m sorry you feel like this but I know what your feeling every night I go to bed and pray I won’t wake up in the morning at this moment in time I can’t find any peace or anything to look forward to
People tell me to go on holiday but to me that would be the worst thing in the world I could do
I don’t know the answer to this some people seem to cope better than others but I don’t seem to be any where near that stage
Probably not much help but your not alone in the way you feel I don’t think things will ever get better but maybe one day we will be able to cope with it better to loose your partner or someone very close is the most difficult thing in the world I hope things start to get start to get a bit easier for you soon
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I have been told that the grief never goes away but you surround it with other things which helps to control the grief.
If you truly loved someone, the grief will never go away, but it won’t be centre stage anymore.
You need to make sure that you have other interests to help fill some of the days and talk to family and friends whenever you need emotional help.
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