Today - crying again and terrible sadness

Alan, I went on holiday about 4 months after Joan died with my stepson,brother in law and granddaughter, me and Joan used to go to Greece twice a year when we were working, this year was going to be 4 times because we retired. I went to Kefalonia for a week, we had been to the island before, but I made sure that I went to a resort where I had not been with Joan, most mornings I was walking along the beach at 5-00 on my own, it appears that just being on the same island is enough to trigger a wave of grief, all week I was dreading walking into my empty house when I came home, I’m pondering going on my own next year.

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Ha … if the “family” can be bothered !!! My siblings have been awful but at least i got my kids and some friends but nobody really knows how hard it is but us… :frowning: xxx

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It’s very hard for all of us . I don’t see many people . After they sent a card or flowers at the start that is their mind clear of me . A very selfish world out there I believe

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Hi Jo I don’t think it’s selfish it’s just that there life goes on the main thing that changes is our lives when you loose your partner
I have people I bump into say are you in tomorrow I say yes they then say they will pop round they don’t sometimes it feels as if people avoid you but untill it happens to you you have no idea what it’s like and for some people it’s fear because eventually either them or there partner will be in our situation so they avoid us all you can do is try and make yourself busy and maybe try and meet new people by joining a club or volunteer work I say these things but I rarely go out just stay in doors on my own most of the time I tell myself I need to do something to change the way I live and have some sort of life but just don’t seem to be able to do it hope things get better for you

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Oh yeh ot is a very selfish world for sure :frowning: im alright jack seems to be the motto these days with a lot of people :frowning:

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Dont agree with you @Alan68 i think people are selfish and thoughtless and im sure if and when people treat them like that they wont be happy xx

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How is it that stupid things set us off. It will be 4months next week. I de iced the freezer today. It got left open and I discovered it the day after his funeral. Managed to get it so it could be used but have finally de iced it properly. This and moving food from the other freezer sees me in floods of tears again. It just feels like forever and I miss him so much.

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It is the little things that can hit you. I have given my sister 2 pots of Jam that I bought for him. I cannot stand the stuff but he loved it. Had to sit down afterwards, crying again!!! Over Jam. :pensive:

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I have an open box of ready break in the cupboard and honey in the fridge. They will never get eaten plus enough soup to last until doomsday. Tubs of Smash and gravy granules. Reminders of the diet he was supposed to be moving to but I can’t find anyone to give them to. Food bank obvious place for the unopened but somehow can’t let them go,

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I keep meaning to clear the pantry and take to soup kitchen. And I will this weekend. I know it can be used by somebody but I have spent most of this week crying and I can’t face doing it today. It feels so final and that sounds stupid. Cannot touch his clothes but that is ok. I am quite happy with them where they are for now. Baby steps. Sending you hugs xx

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Because it belonged to him :frowning: its awful isnt it letting go of their stuff … its a killer … dont give anything else away until youre ready … ive just left lot my husbands stuff where he left them … i cant touch them … breaks my heart … not yet … :frowning: its too hard xx

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It is so hard. I know logically that the food that I will never eat has to go and I don’t want to waste it but the rest can stay where it is. I still have his slippers on the hall stand. It sort of helps. Xxx

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Yeh it does… its the lovely memory of them being here i suppose … sort of comforting ! The days when i was so very protected by him and i didnt even realise it … :frowning: he protected me and my kids, that’s just how he was - i think they feel it too … that loss of protection … the proper patriarch i suppose … protecting his tribe :wink: x

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@Deb5 thanks debs for siding with me . I have the right to say the truth . Ie one friend said she would see me more in the six weeks school holiday as she was off and I haven’t seen her at all to this date . Another one relative came once and then has asked to come and cancelled 4 times plus she’s retired . I am not alone and do have other friends . I am back working as a nurse and don’t need to volunteer .

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Hi All

Agree with everything everyone has said
The food ,belongings everything…….
Lost Paul July 24 th 2022
I cry every day every night ……my heart is broken
And you are so right no one knows the pain till it happens to them
I have so called friends that look at me as if to say come on
One day they’ll realise
I feel alone Paul looked out for me no one absolutely no one can do that
Eating alone nights alone sheer hell
Love to all of us with a broken heart
Mines in pieces and so am I
Living? No chance just existing
As I say sheer hell
Xx

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I hate eating alone. We used to always cook together and he was a great chef but now I mainly eat cereal or soup and usually in bed at night. I cannot face sitting at the table with empty chair facing me. TBH I have no appetite anyway. Love to you all. Xx

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Oh Bess I am so sorry for you . The pain is terrible for you at this early time . I hope it helps to see you are not alone on here . I cry every time I write on here . I never imagined I would be a widow at 56 . My hugs to you xx

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Yeh we are young widows really - its just awful … and so devastating … im lost most of the time. No real direction, don’t really know how to make myself happy because person who did has gone. And i was like you @Billie7 hated eating by myself, still do. Just another reminder of what we have lost ! Another thing to feel miserable about :frowning: xxx

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Hi All
Thank you for your kind words
I’m not alone not on here
Supper …. Every night since Paul passed my tea/ supper/ food for the day
Sandwich and bag of crisps every single night
I too cannot bear to think about cooking for one let alone 1 knife and fork
And I’ve no appetite
How are we all going to survive
We either sink or swim
I like everyone on here have nothing to swim for
Lol xx

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It is very difficult, as I know , to try and hang on to the memories of the good times rather than how we feel now. We have to try to make contact with family and friends. Sometimes you have to initiate the contact.

I miss my wife Maureen so badly that it’s sometimes physically hurts, but we have to try to battle through the pain and anguish, as I know in my heart that she wouldn’t want me to feel like that all the time.

We love our loved ones and I believe they still love us.

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