Thank you Anne3 for your kind words. I can’t bring myself to look at any photos yet I’m just not ready I can’t even picture my dad’s face I just see him laying down but doesn’t seem like him. I light a candle every night and talk to him. I have had some really bad days this week I tried to do gardeneng but then just kept thinking of my dad doing his garden in Spain. My son has bought me a peach tree as my dad loved and grew peaches was such a lovely surprise. I am sorting all of my dad’s affairs as well so all feels very alien to me. But this is what he wanted me to do x
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Thank you Anne3 such lovely words x
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Its so hard isnt it. I lost my lovely mum 4 weeks ago, and i’m struggling to sleep, or do anything in the day. I haven’t been out of the house since last friday when we had the funeral. Reading everyones messages is comforting to know that I am not alone. Karen
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I feel for you Karen58 it’s been a real hard push for me to go out I sat 4 days just sitting with no TV on or anything. I made myself take my dog out then I found myself not wanting to go home straight away so I kept walking and phoned friends had a cry but then went home. It’s still early days and still raw it all takes time and you will find your way. It seems so much harder when u lose a parent take care x
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Hi Anne3
I struggle every day as I miss everything about my lovely Mum. But I also find that I’m remembering things I haven’t thought about for years and more often than not they’re funny memories that make me smile and laugh and I like to think this is my Mum’s way of comforting me.
I’m getting better at having a ‘public’ face and I keep my grieving for when I’m at home alone as it seems like something private between me and my Mum. No one else seems to understand just how huge my loss is so I keep it to myself mainly.
I know you miss your Mum very much too. I hope you are remembering happy things as well as feeling all the grief.
Nicky
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Oh Anne I am so sorry.
I think it is a natural part of the grieving process that we have to immerse ourselves in the bad memories. I’m not sure why. But the good memories will come. They’re all in there. The bad memories will never go but they will become less sharp because that’s not who our Mums were. Our Mums were love and happiness and comfort. And that’s how they want us to think of them.
Xxxxxx
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Angiemick Karen58 NJL and Anne3 thinking of you all.
I lost my mum a few weeks ago and felt slight lifted after her funeral but I still miss her all the time, Mothering Sunday was really hard. I keep an eye on my dad as I know my mum would want me to, she always worried about me and dad doing too much for her when she had been poorly over the years. You are not alone, we can support each other by sharing her our grieve and thoughts. Xx
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Perth.
Found this poem for you. xx
Your mother is always with you.
She’s the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street.
She’s the smell of certain foods you remember, flowers you pick, the fragrance of life itself.
She’s the cool hand on your brow when you’re not feeling well.
She’s your breath in the air on a cold winters day.
She is the sound of the rain that lulls you to sleep, and the colours of a rainbow.
Your mother lives inside your laughter. She’s the place you came from, your first home, and she’s the map you follow with every step you take.
She’s your first love, your first friend, even your first enemy, but nothing on earth can separate you. Not time, not space not even death.
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Perfected!! Reminds me of my mum.
I prayed hard just before the Mothering Sunday wend saying how will I get through missing her so much, the next day the plant I bought in remembrance bloomed it’s first flower -red her favourite colour as if she was telling me she is with me, through my pain. Like the rainbow you say in the poem.
She was my friend, mum and showed me love in every way! So as I give to others or show compassion is her with me guiding me along the way.
One of the hymns we had at her funeral was ‘one more step along the world I go’ which she has said so many times she wanted this one. It’s very up lifting and true to life’s journey.
The poem we had was ‘footprints’ again she is with me as I go along in life and when I’m troubled is when she carried me.
Thank you again, so comforting to know I’m not alone. Xx
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You are so right.
I think the same way x
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We had the same poem at my mums funeral, it carried her through some bad times, and it will carry me through her loss. Lovely poem, very meaningful. Take care, and seek comfort in those words Karen xxx
Had a bad night, thinking about mum, not sleeping, chasing after memories and not finding her in them… Stood in front of a photo of her this morning, sobbing and trying to prise her out of it, make her real, bring her back - couldn’t breathe
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Hi Karen, I lost my Mum almost 2mths ago. I am 1 of 4 siblings & my brother died suddenly of a brain haemorrhage, soon to be 2 years ago.
I let myself cry if I am in a safe & appropriate place. I just let my grief come out when it needs to. If thoughts come with the emotion I just let them. I view them like watching a movie & just let them flow.
Emotion is energy. E =energy in motion, E motion. The more you try to suppress it, dam it, hold it back.
It is like building a dam in a river. The more you try to hold the water back, the water will get higher, have more force behind it. When the dam bursts with the weight of the water behind it, it makes us feel out of control. The emotion was too much for the situation.
So times I physically cry & let it go / out. Or I write them out. If you have things you wanted to say to your Mum & couldn’t write it in a letter to her.
I use my imagination too. I pretend to talk to them. I pretend to have a hug & feel what is like to have a hug with them etc. It gives a chance to say those things you didn’t have time or chance to say.
Or even though she is gone you still have a means of communication with her because you now what she will day to you you know how it will make you feel afterwards. She may not be here in person but she will always be in your heart & in your memory just tap into it when you need her.
There are 5 stages of bereavement too.
Denial
Anger
Bargaining eg if I was a better daughter it wouldn’t have happened. If I saw her more it wouldn’t have happened.
Depression
Acceptance
Best wishes Jenny
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I’m so sorry about your brother and your mum. I agree about letting grief out, and also about how scary it can feel sometimes when it seems like it will never stop. Sometimes I cry until I can’t breathe… I lost my mum unexpectedly last month and everything just feels so raw and bleak I try to remember what she would say, the sound of her voice, how soft her hair felt when I brushed it, her laugh, her wisdom, the sense of her in every way, but it’s a struggle at the moment - everything just hurts…
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I agree about letting grief out, and also about how scary it can feel sometimes when it seems like it will never stop. Sometimes I cry until I can’t breathe… I lost my mum unexpectedly last month and everything just feels so raw and bleak I try to remember what she would say, the sound of her voice, how soft her hair felt when I brushed it, her laugh, her wisdom, the sense of her in every way, but it’s a struggle at the moment - everything just hurts…
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Thank you @Lucyh it’s such a huge loss isn’t it - I’m sorry about your mum too I’ve read some of what happened to you and your mum and my heart goes out to you. It’s so cruel, and at the very time we need them so much. At least we can try and support each other on this site, which helps - we are not alone in it all.
Thinking of you and sending hugs xx
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Thanks so much for your message, so much makes sense. Karen x
Poor you, its is sad isn’t it. I have just sat and sobbed for a whole hour, shouting ‘why mum’. It’s hard to imagine life without a mum, its not even 5 weeks yet since my mum died, but it feels like it was years ago. X
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Today is a bad day I keep thinking about my dad it’s nearly 4 weeks since he had an accident which I still can’t believe has happened when he was so well His funeral was done very quickly as he lived in Spain now I am trying to grieve but other things keep getting in the way. I have to sort my dad’s estate out my sister isn’t coping my dad’s partner keeps talking about money and I feel so angry and alone right now. I have tried reading but then I get distracted. I’ve listened to how others are feeling but no one seems to be asking how I am
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I do feel for you Karen58 I really do it’s still early and raw for you 
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