Hi NJL thank you for sharing your experiences, which although I cry when I here others stories, I think of my mum at the same time, what if should I etc? But appears this is a pattern with others and this is where I get some comfort that we are not alone. Not sure about counselling at the moment, I see this by talking to each other away forward at the moment. Take. Care Perth xx
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Hi Anne3 thank you for your message it is so appreciated and does help me to know I’m not alone, sharing each other’s experiences is a help to me. I sometimes feel that I can’t talk to others as they think is been weeks now and move on, be positive, everyone has their difficulties. What I find a comfort here is that know of us judge or feel in the way, we can be honest and losing someone, who ever that might be so important in our life’s grief doesn’t have a stop watch on it, it’s something you experience and it’s good to talk as they say also it’s nice to feel your sharing memories of that person. It would be good if we lived near and was able to form a support group, but here is just as good. Take care Perth xx
Karen58 I’m glad your GP has signed you off another month and it appears they are supportive which is so important. I had a bad experience once where they basically told me to get on with it. I think Anne has a point about the job, they say not to make massive changes when grieving but as she said the job is demanding, only you can make the decision, it’s a fine balance of being kind to ourselves. I’m a Social Worker so I know about demands, I love my job but there did come a point when I felt so overwhelmed and expected to do more and more as I’m experienced ( over years) however I was fortunate that a full time post came up, which I was fortunate to get, although it is still very demanding it’s in different ways to my last one and has helped massively. Thinking of you take care Perth xx
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Hi everyone, how are you all doing? X
Hi Karen58
I’ve struggled this weekend personally . Think the nice weather brings it home for me that I’m alone now when I can hear everyone enjoying themselves. Doesn’t help either that it was my partners birthday this weekend so I’ve constantly been thinking what we would’ve been doing . That’s been very hard to bear
Hope everyone else is coping ok x
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Hello Chris6 and Karen 58
Thank you for making contact, I know what you mean Chris6 a few things happening this week reminds me mum not being around. Dad and I went and sat in the park not far from us today, hot chocolate and a sausage roll, my idea and dad enjoyed it. We both were in tears today talking about mum the way she went and not being able to talk to her usual bubbly self, unfortunately that’s the trouble with depression, I think in away she was there in spirt saying yes your looking after dad and it’s good to talk, dad always feels bad when he makes me cry but as I said to him it isn’t him it’s natural and I miss her just as much as him, better out than in. We talked about her ashes today and he said he feels near her to still have them at home, I said it’s what ever makes you feel better, May be well need to put you together when your time comes, he agreed. I find it really hard work to be focused but I’m sure all of us in our on ways feel the same. Take care both of you, thinking of you Perth xx
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Hi Perth
Yes I’ve been very tearful today too but we are all struggling in our own way aren’t we , be it the loss of a parent , partner or friend etc the heartache is still the same. I myself find it hard to be focused too as I can’t switch off thinking of my partner and the life I’ve lost as well . Xx
Thank you Anne3. Bless you just letting you know I’m thinking of you xx Perth
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Thinking of you Chris6.
Perth xx
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Hi Anne
I’ve had a few bad days recently. I still can’t believe my beautiful, vibrant Mum isn’t here any more, it’s too much to bear most of the time.
I hope you’re alright, stupid thing to say but just know you are not alone.
Nicky xx
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Hi Anne,
I’ve been going through Mum’s clothes and stuff from the care home. It’s hard looking through everything; photos and cards. I’m trying to take one day at a time.
I have decided to look into the possibility of going part time at work, maybe 3 days a week.
I hope you are ok. Thinking about you .
Karen xxx
Thank you Perth and you too xx
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Anne3 NJL
Hi Anne and Nicky thank you for your messages, I did some of mums things near the funeral mainly to see what would need to be done and dad was anxious about it. I mainly got rid of some old things but most of it is still away in wardrobes safe. The bedroom was the hardest for dad so I made it more personal to him With his things but also left a few of mums personal things to him to balance that she is still there but remind him she loved him very much. He did appreciate this, I did a little the other week on his request and have a few of her personal things and we have thought about who else may like something. The dreaded hospital bag was sorted too, which was heart breaking to thing she went without her teeth and just a hospital gown. Steady steps and dad knows how hard it is to go through her things, so we’ve left it as it is at the moment and try to do positive things, dad try’s to keep himself busy, as do I but some day are harder than others but as we all ‘now this is how things are and it’s trying to be kind to ourselves. Thank you for being there it does help to talk to each other thinking of you Perth xx
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Chris 6
Your welcome.
Thinking of you Perth x
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Anne3
Arrr thank you for your message brought tears to my eyes. I know mum would be looking down saying look after your dad , she always said she didn’t want to be left behind without dad and always worried I did too much for her xxx
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Anne3 that’s what I believe too and give some comfort xx
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Hello Anne
Thank you for your kindness and thoughtfulness. Yes I agree - every day is terrible and some days are REALLY terrible. Today falls into the REALLY terrible category for me. It feels like it’s getting worse. Did you see that Sue Ryder have done a poll about online bereavement cafes? I have been to one of these run by The Good Grief Trust - they are very helpful and I have made a very good friend via the cafes they run. Maybe if Sue Ryder start on online bereavement cafe, we can meet up with the people here who have supported us and been there for us.
I hope today hasn’t been too awful for you. Although the better weather is nice, it’s also awful isn’t it. Our Mums aren’t here to share it with us and have a cup of tea outside somewhere nice. I really miss that.
Sending a hug.
Nicky xx
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Hi Anne
I so agree with you about photos. I am making a photobook of all the photos I can find of my Mum and there are so many I want to ask her about. It makes me wish we’d looked at them together more often. You just think your Mum will always be here don’t you.
Nicky xx
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Morning Anne,
Hope you are ok, you seemed really sad yesterday. Are you sleeping? Eating? It’s hard to imagine life without our mum’s, and I’m sure we will never get over it. I abandoned going through my mum’s stuff, it’s too soon and too painful.
Keep talking on here, we all here for each other.
Take care and be kind to yourself.
Karen xx
Hi,
I would be really interested in these grief cafes, and meeting others in a similar situation. Sometimes I just want to hear a voice and chat without feeling I am boring others with my grief.
Karen x