Todays date is the day we switched the life support off for my son Sam.
Doesn’t really matter how long ago it was. It might as well have been this morning. This day always feels the same. We sat up all night discussing what we knew was coming. We got in the car at around 6.30am. Both me and my wife completely exhausted, red eyed, just absolutely numb. We drove the 20 miles to the hospital. We could have stayed at the hospital overnight. But the powers that be said there was only one family room for such occasions with limited room. I gave up my place so my ex wife.( His mum) and his girlfriend could stay.
He’d been brain dead for 2 days. Today they would pull the plug from the life support. Once they switched him off. He lasted about 8 minutes. And that was it!!! The most precious thing in the world to me was gone in a fading heartbeat.
That lad. The one I brought up and raised. The one I would tell bedtime stories to. The one I’d wrestle around the floor toy fighting. The one I taught to swim, ride a bike, the one I warned about the girls. The one I watched grow into an amazing young man. He left school and hit the ground running. Left home at 17. Within in no time he had moved to London got himself a great job. Had 10,000 friends. Where ever there was a pub with a karaoke. He’d be up on it belting out songs that were way before his time. His Facebook was rammed with a million photos of him with all his friends in Manchester and London.
Then one day. This date. It’s all gone just like that. I loved him more than anything, still do. He filled my chest with pride. All I ever wanted was for him to be happy and get on with life. And he was doing it in spades. Then all of a sudden he’s reduced to a hospital bed , completely lifeless. That life, all those hopes and dreams and plans. Gone !!!
I carry on without him now . My life isn’t the same. It never will be again.
Inside I am broken. I used to be broken on the outside as well. But I can fake that so I look normal. But inside I quietly limp along under the radar. I’ve managed to get back on the horse. I eventually went back to work. I learned how to socialize again, I’ve been back on holiday. I can attend get together,s. But I’m still broke inside. He was my biggest achievement in life. Now he’s not here anymore for me to show off . I’m still as proud as I ever was. But today. I hate today .
Thanks for listening . Jim