I really think that I am spending far too much time on the forum, things I need to do are not getting done.
It will be a dreadful wrench to ease off, though. I have come to rely on it for support.
Does anybody else try and read every new post ?
Is it a “good” thing or just a thing. If it is really good then it presumably is having real benefit and worth sticking to the same dose.
I’ve pondered a similar question as to my underlying motives for reading the forum and how they may of changed over time.
Just yesterday I was reading some contributions and I remembered the following by Apollinaire,
" Come to the edge" he said
" We can’t, we’re afraid" they responded.
“Come to the edge” he said
" We can’t, we will fall" they responded
" Come to the edge" he said,
And so they came
And he pushed them
And they flew.
Years ago I used to have that on a poster and it inspired me in my work, and it still does today. The relevance to your comments might not be apparent but I wonder if occasionally things people write can act to give that little push.
I admit to being fascinated by some of the contributions and I actually often think deeply about them. Sometimes they are way outside my experience or understanding. Sometimes they comfort me. Sometimes they just astound me. I’m interested in people and their underlying drivers and experiences, and sometimes just the Degree of Difference.
I’ve a whole list of questions I haven’t asked but may get round to it one day.
Apologies. I’ve just put “of” instead of “have”.
Hi Edwin
I don’t think i can add very much,YorkshireLad’s reply is so eloquent.I try to read as many as i can,and i sort of nip in and out througout the day.I still do some things i have to do,but if i just don’t want to do them,i dont,some things are just not that important to me anymore.So i often make a cuppa and have a while on here,i feel like im gaining something from it,and someone listens,that means a lot.Also for me it comes back to when i first had to join this site,i wanted to find others who felt like i did,broken,lost,crazy,i have since learnt a lot,and i never feel guilty for being here instead of doing something else,that will still be there to do when i want to xx
Hi Edwin. I generally look for new conversations but can’t say I read every single new post. I agree with YorkshireLad and Robina though and I must say I do follow their chatter - I find it rather refreshing. X
Hi Everyone
I came to this forum over two years ago after the loss of my Mum. Like others I desperately needed to know there were other people out there who felt the same as me. It was good also to know that what seemed silly niggles were being experienced by others.
At first I spent a lot of time on here, often in the middle of the night when lack of sleep and general misery had reached their height. Some posts resonated more with their titles and after a while I recognised the names of posters. I would probably only glance at some posts but read the others in depth.
I don’t think you can spend too much time on here if you feel you need it. I don’t visit as much as I used to. I see the forum now as a sort of comfort blanket, here when I am a bit low. I also visit to see how other posters are getting on. Some of the same people are still here and it is good to catch up with them.
YorkshireLad is as always very wise and sums everything up so well.
Sometimes a post comes out of left field, unexpectedly and maybe not from one of “the usual suspects” to really strike a particular chord. These I would not wish to miss, and so I find myself looking.
I also follow the live ongoing threads, look at profiles to get an angle on the formative circumstances and timelines of posters, write posts, abandon many, edit those destined to survive . . . and the number of hours a day I spend thus is bothering me.
Yes…It does help though…
Yes, it does indeed.
Hi Edwin
I was just popping by as I do very rarely now and reading some posts and your post reminded me of the vast amount of time I also spent on here in the early days of my own grief journey. My thoughts if it helps is I got to a stage where I wanted/decided to put a stop to giving a voice to my grieving and to move forward towards healing instead. I felt staying too involved on here was keeping me stuck in the grief. It is only my opinion but I believe there is a turning point to which we choose to move on. I truly valued the support on here and reading other people’s experiences but I found it kept me in a cycle of fresh grief. Moving away was the best thing I did but like I say I do pop on to see how some posters are doing
Lyn
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A very useful reply for me, so thank you Lyn.
When I first joined the forum, one of my hopes was that there would be advice about if, and how, grief was likely to develop.
I also thought, and still do, that reading about the grief of others can be debilitating. Some of the accounts we have read here have been utterly harrowing. The sufferers who post clearly wish to be read, and deserve to be read, of course, but one ends up feeling very glum sometimes.
Hello…I was beginning to feel the more I read about people’s grief the more I felt down…It helps to know your not on your own at all in how you feel and yes at first it helped…
Hi
When someone you love dies it turns your world upside down and you feel like you have been thrown into a dark hole without a torch to see your way back out. It’s human nature to find how others cope in the same circumstances. It’s like joining a club that nobody wants to be in but it gives you a feeling of belonging. Once you know all about the other members and why they join you then either opt to stay and help them and new members or thank them for their input and not renew your membership and join a different club.
The one thing that everyone in this club has in common and will never change, no matter what our emotions, thoughts, experiences of bereavement are, is that our loved one’s who have died are not coming back to us and for me I choose to let go of grief and move on and live this precious gift of life. My dad prepared me for this journey of life from the day I was born, he taught me how to survive and the skills I needed to do so. He fought to live up to his last breath and my belief now is the best way to honour not just my dad’s life and legacy but to all our loved one’s who have passed is to live our own live’s as they did and to value every precious moment because tomorrow is promised to no one so we either stay grieving or we fight to live and carry their love forward with us and make this world a better place
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Also I wanted to add a little something I learnt about my own experience of grief. It may help someone. Forums are great to talk politely about our grief which is something we have to learn from the moment our loved one’s pass that we indeed have to be polite to everyone we see or meet and yet there is another side to grief that we as civilised human beings are taught not to express. Grief is ugly, it’s painful, it sucks the life out of you, it eats you up, exhausts you, overpowers you and there is a lot of internal rage, anger, fear, trauma, craziness that in public we cannot express and I had a complete nervous/mental breakdown and it was the best experience I could ever have had…it hospitalised me and it wasn’t pretty, I will spare you the details but boy did I release everything there was to let go of. All those emotions poured out of me out of every orrifice and yes people were quite taken aback but here’s the best bit…I am happier than I have ever been, I have learnt to nuture my soul in all it’s facets, I have faced all my worst fears and nightmares and I am stronger, more self aware and want more than anything to live, love, laugh, cry and be the very best person I can be which means all of me… the good, bad and the ugly. I have learnt positively from grief and without my dad dying I wouldn’t be the better person I am today and so he taught me the biggest lesson I will ever have to learn
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Hi Lyn
Just wanted to say it always lovely to see you back here posting. You have been and are very brave talking about what a terrible time you went through. Reading that you are now happy again and are so strong is really pleasing and something we all on this forum can hope for.
Keep going strong is all I can say
Mel
Hi Mel
Thank you
It’s not easy talking about my own experience but if it helps others then it’s the right thing to do. I am a strong believer that whatever life throws at any one of us, it is how we choose to react that decides whether we sink or swim.
You are a mentor for others going through this journey so your strength is your continued support.
I hope you are doing ok and that life is treating you with kindness and love and that your little fur babies are bringing you lots of joy and happiness which I’m sure they are amongst the mayhem that they also bring with them
Lyn
I think you completely nailed it in your first paragraph. Completely to the point. We are the masters, or mistresses, of our own destiny and we just have to believe that.
Hello and good morning
Yes indeed! we are captains of our own ships and we either steer them into an iceberg or we steer them into calm waters (think I am conducting my own poetry this morning lol!)
Talking of poetry…Google The Dash and I think you will resonate with it. It kind of sum’s up this journey perfectly
Hi Lyn, It’s great that you have managed to survive all you went through and are now going on to positively thrive. I’m in awe of you. I could learn more than a thing or two from your heartfelt words of wisdom.