Hi, I’m new here. My husband passed away very suddenly 2 weeks ago. We were on holiday in Portugal and on the Thursday he was complaining of indigestion (which he got on occasion). Fast foreword that day and his indigestion got worse but he refused to see a doctor. Later, he was trying to chill out and get some sleep and he became quite breathless. I insisted then (and he finally agreed) to go to hospital. They did preliminary checks, confirmed he’d had a heart attach and were taking him to cardiology. I was told to wait in the waiting room. I thought they’d treat him, put stents in etc but then they came to get me a couple of hours later, to tell me his heart had stopped in cardiology, and they couldn’t resuscitate him. I was left with a bag of belongings, in a foreign country, although they were very good, got me a taxi back to hotel. Some friends/ family flew out to me but it was such. Long wait. I’m traumatised. Xxx
I’m so sorry for your loss and in such tragic circumstances, that must have been terrible. The early days are so hard and such a shock. Are you home now?
Yes Ali, I came back to uk a few days later, than he had to be flown back a few days later, then he had to have a digital autopsy because in Portugal they do not state cause of death on the certificate. Been a very emotional and anxious week. I just want him back, in the chair where he always sat! It’s so very hard. Xx
I’m so sorry @Jackiepadders to read what an awful time you have had. It’s devastating enough when we lose our loved ones in our country, but to lose your husband in a foreign country is just awful. How daunting to have to deal with a foreign language, etc.
It is very hard and emotional coping with our loss. I wish, too, that my husband was sitting in his chair,
You have gone through a very gruelling experience which must have really drained your resources My husband died abroad too It was a very demanding time for me. Give yourself time and be patience with yourself I hope you will feel stronger soon Sharing on here helps so much You are among friends Blessings
@Jackiepadders Such a stressful time for you. Such a lot to have to deal with. Thinking of you.
That’s sounds horrific. You poor thing. How long were you married/together. I exoect you have many happy memories. Hold on to them if you can. Keep you friends and family close. Keep telling them how you feel. Just do what you have to do. And what you want to do. Remember it’s ok to do nothing. Take your time. Dont rush anything.
I am so sorry for your loss and send you strength. I understand what you are going through and my heart goes out to you. My husband died on holiday in Spain in October 2022. He suffered a short illness and passed away in the ICU there two weeks later. The care he received was exemplary and both our children managed to fly out in time for all of us to be with him when he passed away. However it was the most traumatic time of my life. Making yourself understood with just Google translate and a smattering of Spanish phrases meant I had to rely on the kindness of the staff, some were extremely helpful, others not so much. I go over and over the events, everything leading up to it, looking for clues, the deterioration, the transferring to a different hospital as an emergency, blue-lighted to a hospital an hour away and I was not allowed in the ambulance, arriving there and not being able to find him and finding he had been brought back to ICU. The 4 times I was taken into the relatives room to be told he was not going to make it through the night. The final phone call. The waiting there 9 days to bring him home and bringing him home in a coffin. I still keep saying but we only went on holiday.
I didn’t have to go through the ordeal of a PM and I’m so sorry you had to go through the ordeal of a digital autopsy. .The coroner rang me and said they had accepted the cause of death on the medical certificate ( like you say it is not shown on the death certificate) so I was spared that. I hope you get answers very soon.
My thoughts are with you, it is a tough journey and you will be in shock. Please reach out to any help from relatives, friends, your doctor even. I have been very fortunate that I have had support. The last 9 month have been difficult for many reasons but please know you will get through. We find this inner strength to make our partners proud. We are here for you too. We all get it x
What an awful situation. Losing someone at home is bad enough (my husband was in bed) but in another country must have been a nightmare.
I feel your pain, my husband has been gone 15 months and I wonder when it’s going to stop hurting. I’ve been told I’d learn to live with it but never get over it. I guess with soulmates one is pretty useless without the other. Sometimes I feel I’m moving on then I’m back to being this new person who is lost. You are far from alone. I’ve felt all sorts of pain but grief is something else. Xxxx
None of us are alone. This is what ive learnt over this past year. I dont think one ever gets over these things. I really miss him all the time, my husband had a different kind of death compared with your 2. But still traumatic none the less. The heartache is dreadful and the feeling og losing one’s soulmate never leaves you. The loneliness and despair are dufficult to live with.
Thank you all for your support and I’m sorry you all have heart breaking stories too. This grief is overwhelming and takes me by surprise, I feel vulnerable. I’m usually a very confident person but just even stepping out to the village has been so hard. I have an amazing support network of family, friends and the whole communal and I find talking about it to them does help a lot.
It’s the emptiness that’s so hard, emptiness in the house but much more difficult is the emptiness in my heart. We were soulmates and he was the love of my life, as I was his and we should’ve had more time, we only had seven years together. Although, we did live life to the full and made every day count, that was always our motto.
Thank you for your kind words. Xx
That’s all you can do. Just take each day as it comes. I know it’s hard as it sounds like you live in a place where everybody knew him. I know how tha feels, but it does get easier. It’s great that you have people to talk to. So important. Dont stop talking about him.
We used to be proud we were soulmates and laughed when we said the same things, Carl
Always said “get out of my head!” Now I can’t help thinking I wish we hadn’t been so close, only for an instant but it pops into my head. Most of the time I just want to be in his arms.
I know that feeling. Sometimes i just want a cuddle and a few kind words.
my cancer has spread but I just want Carl back. I wish I knew if there was another “life” after this xx
I agree. I wish we could meet up to do just that
I put my email address on here but they took it down. I’d still use this site but would love to sit round a table with you all, cry, laugh and have a drink. Maybe we could put all our names together and appeal? Xxxx
Indeed, but i believe that it is right that we maintain confidetiality as it’s easier to talk that way
That would be the best, sitting with you all and having a drink or three!!! Xxx
It will be our wedding anniversary in a couple of weeks and I’m not sure what to do with the day. Any tips/ideas/experiences please? My thinking at the moment is to stay holed up in the house with my memories.